Physically Assaulted by Adult SS - what to do...
Some of you may remember me, and again thank you for all your previous advise.
SM of SS-30 & SD-25(both live independently), SD-24 (hates her father and living independently - BM refuses to stop child support and post secondary payments for her as she lies about her residency), SS-21 (lives with us and has mild learning diability - working and part time school), SD-16 (also mild learning disability,but not as bad as her brother), SD-14 (brilliant girl, raised maily by he mothers ex boyfriend - little contact with DH). BM did 7 years of parental alienation on the 3 SD living with her. Abandoned SS at the age of 11 when he moved in with DH. With DH 9.5 years.
So on Sunday, my SS (21) accused me of "doing something to his mommy" when I dropped off his sister in a donut shop aparking lot. We never saw each other, never left our cars, she parked at one end of the parking lot and I on the other.
I was stunned byb the accusation! I asked what it was I was suppose to have done. He kept escalating his anger and repeating the same question over and over again. So I kept rephrasing what was it she said I did to her. Again not putting anything past her viciousness. SS finally said "nothing but I know you hate her so I know you did something to her". I confirmed with SD if BM had contact with SS and she did not.
I lost it! I screamed at him to get out of my house and go live with her. He looked at me with indignation in his eyes and walked downstairs to his apartment. I slammed the door behind him - ha was already half way down the stairs. He charged back up and tried to whipped the door open but I was still there. My foot caught on the bottom of the door and I tried to hold it shut because the look of hatered in his eyes was almost horror movie crazy. His hands were rolled up in fists and they were white. My DH finally walked in from the outside and SS gave up the charge at me. If it wasn't for the door between us, I was going to the hospital. This is the first time he became violent. But the second time he balled his fists at me and that same look. I know it's escalting. He is 21 and I can't make him go see a shrink. He has to want to do it.
He wont' live with BM because he deosn't like his sisters and I believe that he is so jealous of them, that I also fear for their safety. SS is a pathological lier and has a tendency to imagine things and believes them to be true. I think he has issues about BM's abandonment of him for 7 years and now has this facination that she is all about him. Over Christmas he caused a scene when he told his sisters that BM was only taking him for Christmas with her family. The girsl called him out on the lie.
So here I sit with whiplash and bruises and I'm wondering what to do.
I want him out. DH says he will take care of it... I don't have faith in that statement as DH is known for his head in the sand tactics when it comes to SS and any issues. DH has left me to disipline a 6'5 and 300lbs mac truck.
Last night I slept with the phone by my head with 911 already programmed in as DH was on a midnight shift.
Tell your DH he has 1 week to
Tell your DH he has 1 week to get him out. After that, you call the cops and have him physically removed. Get an RO against him so he can't be let back in.
Don't get me wrong, your DH will be upset and may want to break things off with you. But what kind of marriage do you have if your own husband won't protect you?
He leaves or you do. No other
He leaves or you do. No other option.
First, thank you for all your
First, thank you for all your comments, suggestions and support.
I use to be a social worker working with people with disablilities, and have training in non-violent crisis intervention and self defence. Just never thought I would use it in my own home. I talked to my friend who's an RCMP (Canadian Police) officer and they would only remove him that night. I filed a medical report with my doctor's office so the paperwork has been started to document. DH is looking for an apartment for the mac truck. I also texted BM advising her of her son's behaviour, the fact that I'm worried for her daughters safety and my own and that she caused his delusions and needs to fix it by talking him into seeking help. I eneded it with "You are his Mother!" Haven't heard a thing from her. I told DH and BM if SS even looks sideways at me, I will be calling the police next time and pressing charges as well as asking for a mandatory psych eval.
Could this be a beginning
Could this be a beginning manifestation of schizophrenia and could he be hospitalized?
^^^^^This^^^^^ Schizophrenia
^^^^^This^^^^^
Schizophrenia shows up at around this age. A friend of mine son's is schizophrenic and, though he lives on his own, it has been h*ll on her dealing with it as the medication they are given has side affects that they don't like to take it or stay on it.
5 years ago my SS threatened
5 years ago my SS threatened to kill my husband and bury him on our farm where no one would ever find the body. By association, I assumed he would kill me also. After all, he would not want to leave any wittnesses to his murderess activity. He then showed up unannounced at our house and brought a gun. Thankfully we were not home at the time.
We immediately applied for an order of protection and received one. It lasted for 4 years and they were the best 4 years we had. No contact at all from the rotten bastard. He could not call or email or come by. He could not facebook, ask for money, or a bus ticket, or a job, or a place to stay, or help for anything. It was glorious and during the 4 years of the restraining order we moved and opened a po box for all our bills. So while the restraining order has expired SS has never been and never will be to this home. I made it clear to DH that he is NEVER to invite him to this house under any circumstances.
My advise is to march into your local police department and file a RO against your SS. He will have to stay away from you therefore he will have to move out of your house. Problem solved.
Call 911. Press assault
Call 911. Press assault charges, and get his violent ass out. Developmental issues or not, he is an adult, he is violent, and he should never again be in your home.
Period.
I had a situation very
I had a situation very similar years ago when my SS (who lived with us since he was 7) was 19. For me that was all it took, I went to an attorney to find out my rights as a step mom. I found out I had no rights. However, he gave me some good advise. SS was a leagl adult and he asked me why he was still living with us with him acting the way he was towards me. he told me that I should not put up with this and this kid needed to be on his own. Thank goodness for his advise as that gave me the courage to tell my husband that it was time for his son to be on his own. husband gave his son 3 months to get out. 3 freakin' months? He cried the blues to everyone that would listen, I had done him wrong. As an adult he joined the military and I had hoped I saw a grown up mature person in him when I saw him again but it wasn't long and the issues started again. I was always to blame no matter what the situation. I stopped desiring to be his target and have not spoke to him in years now.
Nope, not OK. He needs to go.
Nope, not OK. He needs to go. He can live in a group home or whatever they do in Canada. DH and BM need to deal with this not you. I'd box up his crap, drop it at BM's and change the locks. If DH doesn't like it then he can go with him.
I have a mentally ill almost 40 yr old SIL who lives with my not in great health MIL. There is NO plan for this grown woman when MIL passes. I have made it clear to DH that she will not stay here even one night. There's no way I could sleep with a mentally ill woman in the house who is prone to violent outbursts. You need to protect yourself. It will be worse next time.
Is this kid 6'5 and 300 lb??!
Is this kid 6'5 and 300 lb??! Wow! Scary. This needs to change pronto. If not, I'd leave until it did.