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Opinions Please -- would this bother you?

stepford mom's picture

So my house is for sale. We are living somewhere else and it is vacant. My husband is an attorney-broker and schedules showings. The problem is that he gave stepsons 16 and 18 permission to come over there to play street hockey without my permission. Not only that, but when he supposedly has been over there for showings, the three of them are instead playing hockey in my driveway. I found out about it because they left equipment out These are two stepkids who decided to have nothing to do with me because I tried to establish some boundaries with them, but it's okay for them to use my property without my permission? I wouldn't let my own kids hangout there since it's vacant. It opens me up to liability and who knows who they might invite over there. And quite frankly, I am furious that I wasn't even consulted and that it seems to be perfectly okay that they do this even after I bring it up. And of course I was reassured that the perfect angels would NEVER go there if their father wasn't there. So what do I see online? The oldest entitled one asking people if they want to play street hockey. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I can't mention that I saw this because my husband will think I'm snooping, but quite frankly I check online just to find out what they are all planning so it's not a big surprise to me.

On top of all this, my husband has had pathetic cash flow and I have been paying for almost everything, including two houses for the past two months. But he still has money for the oldest skid's gas, his gym membership (I pay for my husband and I as a couple.) I think I have just about lost it with the situation because I feel used, used, used. And it is infuriating that he thinks he can tell his kids to use my property as a playground. And when I bring up that it is a problem, he gets defensive and says that his kids would never go there alone, etc...and acts like I am a raging bitch to ask that they not play at my property. It isn't theirs at all. I own the house 100%. If it were an outside real estate broker allowing his/her kids to do this, they would be fired in an instant.

Am I being a selfish nasty stepmonster or is there something way out of whack here. I cannot stand the power my husband grants to his g---d---- golden boys over resources that are mine and acts like I'm the one who is doing something wrong.

I made a marriage counseling appt. for this week, but quite frankly I'm almost thinking that it is futile. I can't seem to get my husband to understand that it is my choice whether to allow his kids to use my assets, my property, my time, my housework, etc...and allow them to walk all over me, and the situation has been festering and festering and the three of them decided not to try to talk things out and resolve the issue. Instead they avoided me. My point is if they chose to have nothing to do with me, then don't use my property.

I am so angry and resentful at the entire situation that I'm not sure I'm being fair and objective or just vindictive and mean about not wanting his kids to use my property, but geez I would expect a little more understanding from my husband. His kids are not my responsibility and how can he give them permission to use property that doesn't belong to him and then act like I'm a bitch to tell him no.

So now I feel like I will have to drive over there constantly to check on my house to make sure his brats aren't over there. How can this be happening???

twoviewpoints's picture

Your Dh is being a jerk. A raging b*tch? Pfft, he hasn't seen raging b*tch yet, but if this were my house and my husband he certainly would. Those Skids belongs nowhere near that property. I wouldn't be surprised if the other friends aren't showing up at that property to play street hockey even when the skids aren't there...what's to stop them, it's empty and skids sure can't be trusted not to rat them out (if they even know).

I'd issue a no trespassing alert to the skids and then pursue no trespassing charges if they choose to ignore the warning. It wouldn't matter to me what DH thought about it as it's not like his him who would be responsible (or have the money to pay) if anything happened.

So right now you have a DH who has no regards for your individual assets nor you being liable for what's going on. A Dh who disregards your feelings and who basically is sponging off you. Why does he have money to buy skids gas and gym if he can't pay his 1/2 of the household bills.

Just my 2 cents but I'd stop this and stop it now.

tabby yabba do's picture

I would be hesitant to buy a home which appears to be the neighborhood communal playground for teens. Your DH knows better, but is making excuses for his skids' behavior.

I would check that house everyday - just so I could find their equipment stored there again. I would take it, drive to the nearest dumpster, and deposit it.

Funny how things come up missing when there's unsupervised access to the vacant home.

furkidsforme's picture

Just how long does he think it will be before word is spread in the teen social group that the house is vacant.... Come on, lets go party there!!!!

Shit, I haven't been a teen for 25 years, and that is still the FIRST thing I thought of! Your DH is an idiot. I honestly would fire him as a broker for the property. I know it will result in a shitstorm, but I fired my DH as Treasurer of my organization and dared him to not accept that peacefully. He threw a mantrum, but ultimately agreed because he knew he had been careless and unprofessional and that I would have fired anyone who had behaved as he did.

Drac0's picture

Speaking strictly from a liability standpoint, your husband should know better. The kids probably don’t know any better, but they are definitely old enough to understand why they shouldn’t be playing street hockey in your house’s driveway. I used to play lots of street hockey as a kid too, so if one place became barred to us, we just packed it up and moved our venue somewhere else. No biggie.

stepford mom's picture

Thanks for the support ladies! (I'm assuming most if not all are stepmoms.) Sometimes it's so hard to see the forest for the trees. I just got off the phone with my local police department, who are more than happy to check on the house. The trouble is the house is way off the road so you can't see from the street. I also ran into my neighbor and told her to be on the lookout. Soooo hopefully that will put an end to that.

I am still steaming that these kids were given permission to use my house for street hockey and it was posted on Twitter. Now I really hope the stepturds go by and try to play hockey and the cops come. They are going to call me if anything is up.

If my own husband can't protect my property and opened me up to a stream of teenagers knowing my property is vacant, that really sucks. All so he could make his golden boys happy at my expense! Grrrr. THIS will definitely be a topic of conversation at the counseling appt.

stepford mom's picture

Yep. And to top it off, he has sent the message to the skids that they don't have to answer to me at all even though it is 100% my property.

I told the police to keep an eye out and drive up the driveway and they said that's what we are here for! (small town) Talk about putting the bratty skid needs ahead of mine. This is definitely a counseling topic and it is indicative of the majority of my interactions with his kid. I can't believe it was posted on social media.

I am still steaming mad.

usedup1's picture

Correct me if im wrong here!

But, #1. notasm is right!
also, him being the listing agent, will he be pocketing the percentage from the sale?
He is allowing his kids to use YOUR property, AND using YOU to gain a percentage from the sale from YOUR house?

If this becomes a real problem for you, which it would me, fire him, as the listing broker and put it back ob the market with another broker later?
Id be pissed!!! Why should he lie, use your property not only for HIS kids, but for financial gain as well! You snoop when you know he cant be trusted!
And you will find yourself doing this alot in the future, because now you know they cant be trusted!!!!