what a shocker! I get why you feel this way but you must find a way not to blame the toddler for being in this world.You are reacting to her presence emotionally (whch I do all the time, too btw) not logically.If you could manage to forget about your anger and negative feelings towards her and focus on the facts that it is really nothing she has done in all this , that might help.It must be hard, but if t get's too hard , maybe you should reconsider your wedding plans.

Find a better man.

So your plans have changed and you despise a little girl who didn't ask to be born. Wanna know why? Because you cannot allow yourself to get angry and blame your DH because you love him. If you blame HIM for sleeping with someone and getting her pregnant then it demeans him in your eyes. If he chose not to be involved with the baby then he is a deadbeat Dad.

Do not marry him. Find someone who categorically does NOT have any children ANYWHERE (a monk or a good Christian boy would work) and be his one and only.

Were you a virgin when you met him? No? Well maybe he can harbour anger at you for not being your FIRST. Same logic. You are blaming this child for his past behaviour before you were even in the picture. Seriously, you blame a 2 yr old for being born?? WTF is wrong with you??

Blame your BF for sticking his penis in some girl he didn't have any intentions to stay with and making her pregnant. THEN forgive him and move on with your life. IF you cannot do this then leave your BF and allow this little girl to grow up feeling wanted and loved. My GDs father may be a drop-kick of Biblical proportions. But he loves his daughter to bits. Which is exactly the way it should be. Fathers should love their daughters.

Yeah, you are too young for this... and too unforgiving and selfish.

I am shocked that you are even contemplating marriage when you hold such bitterness in your heart for this mans baby.

Your FDH had sex with another woman, HE chose to take a chance too, I don't care if she lied her guts up and said she was on the pill twice a day, he made the decision to hell with a condom I want to feel good now and with no thought for the consequences HE had sex with her. Yes HE did it, the BM could've paraded around naked and he if he chose to could've said NO.

Of course we have to excuse him don't we, after all, he's just a man, so lets blame the BM, and God forbid some helpless product of the irresponsibility of both your FDH and the BM.

Look, if you cannot deal with his past relationships, or the constant reminder of them, this baby you despise, then leave him. The two of you were not together at the time, he didn't cheat on you, he willingly had unprotected sex and got a woman pregnant. How is this the child's fault. How would you feel if this was your baby, and your boyfriends partner felt this way about her. I bet you'd be pretty disgusted.

It may be dissapointing for you not to be the one giving him his first child, but how is hating his first child going to help matters.

You need to tell your boyfriend about the anger and jealousy you feel towards a two year old and give him the option of staying with you. He may just decide a life with a woman who hates his child just for being born is not worth it. You need to ask yourself if you hate her at two, whatever will you feel at 10 or 12 or 14 when she is no longer a baby but a demanding teenager who will want dad to go to school and sports events etc., who will be taking dads time away from you, and how will you feel about cs for her when you have children of your own. This will only get worse.

I don't think how you're feeling is wrong, it's how you feel. I know from experience how hard it is to accept or even think about caring about someone else's kids. I have a 15 yr old daughter, and she's the world, to me. I don't expect her to mean to anyone else what she means to me. I'm also engaged to a man who has two terrible daughters, and I can't stand the sight of them. There are mountains of reasons for that - they falsely accused him of sexual abuse when their feelings got hurt and they didn't get what they wanted. They will tell lies to anyone who would listen. Only to recant later and act as if nothing ever happened. His daughters are 12 and 16, and provide a huge variety of reasons to be disliked.

At 2 years old, they aren't looking to be malicious or hateful. They aren't jaded and bitter, they just want to play, love, sleep and be made to feel safe. While I understand that your actual issue isn't her, or that she's with him, it's that she was supposed to be the daughter you two shared. I can tell you from experience, that if you want to ruin the trust he has in his relationship with you, you only have to threaten his relationship with his daughter.

I think it's admirable that you know yourself well enough to ask for help on dealing with this, and that you know that you're not ready for kids. It might be worth sitting down with someone else and having a counselor walk through this with you and what's to come. It's going to be a long hard road with resentment, and being second to someone who wasn't in the picture when you signed up for this relationship. There's a lot of cons in being involved with someone with kids, the BM, the limited ability to have input on that situation, and constantly being tied to something that isn't and won't ever be yours. If you're up to the challenge, and your love can withstand anything, then maybe it's all worth it. I know I still struggle with the situation I'm in, and we keep soldering through and are making it work for us. But it'll be one of the longest, toughest fights if you can't accept her.

I agree with almost everything that has been said here. You are allowed to feel the way you feel, however you are still responsible for how you respond to it. And yes being mad at him or her or the BM is a little petty and childish and if you really arent ready to be the 2nd baby mom or the step mom then get out. Its not to offend you or say anything bad about you. we all have to decide what we can live with and what we cant. If this is not something you cant do its not your fault, but you owe it to him and his daughter to back off. Living with that resentment will do nothing but cause more issues down the road for ALL of you. Theres no shame in saying you cant do it. alot of people cant. Step kids are hard. like OMG hard. but if you cant work through it its time to admit that and respect him and his kid enough to walk away.

To admit it and walk away would say a lot about her. It would say she was intelligent and selfless enough to give up a relationship with this man and allow him and his daughter to find someone who could accept the situation. It would show her to be the kind of person who does the right thing, even though it hurts. To stay and resent this child would destroy everyone involved in this relationship. I hope she talks this out with her boyfriend. He has a right to know. Maybe they can work it out, maybe not. But to to stay and harbour this grudge against a baby is plain wrong.