Hi. I am new to the forum, and not sure how to phrase what I want to say. First of all, I am a stepmother with two teenage stepsons, one of whom lives with us. We alternate custody of the sons for the weekends, with both at her house for one weekend, then at our house for the next. I've noticed that BM issues seems to be in this section, so I hope this is the right section of the forum.

My husband and the BM used to communicate more about weekend arrangements, but lately, all of the communication is being done through the sons, only, and never through the parents. For example, last weekend, she called her son, and told/asked him to come early, by eight, so she could go out to a movie. Son then got off the phone, and said Mom would like him home by eight, so she could go out, if it's okay, he added. However, she does not ask to speak with my DH directly, just gives the message. This weekend, she called her son, and asked if he could come a day early (he had an inservice at school, and was off) and he said, yes, but my DH was not informed. Therefore, he went ahead with plans involving his son for that day.

When DH found out that his son was going, he said that he wished his Mom would ask him first, and was going to call her to talk to her. Son quickly intervened, and called her himself, saying that Dad did not want him to go. My DH, in fact, did not mind him going; he just wanted to be informed, as the adult. She left her a message saying just that, and he then left another message back, defending what she had done.

When she came to pick up her son, the next day, DH went out to talk to her. He started out by saying he was not mad or anything, but just wanted to communicate more. She then got defensive and he said, "you don't have to get bitc**" She then drove off saying she didn't have to take it.

Well, I know my DH should not have used that word in front of the kids. But I have seen, many times, the way she talks to my husband. She always uses a very condescending and patronizing tone, and acts like he has no idea of what he is talking about. She said directly to me that my DH "is clueless." I have heard my SS's end of the conversation where she expressed her frustration with my DH. In other words, she is very disrespectful to him.

I think it finally got to him, and he responded back.

Now, my SS came home from there tonight, and he blames his Dad for everything. He believes he has to protect his Mom from his Dad, and he told me. (Dad works all night.) I feel so upset because I know he is hurting. I feel upset because he does not see the way that his Mom is so disrespectful to his Dad, and only blames him for using that word.

His other son is angry, too, at him. It just seems like she can be as rude as anything to DH, and to me, and it's fine, but now that he just stood up for himself a little bit, his sons hate him.