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Recent Blog Posts
At 11:20. Does she not realize NORMAL people go to bed, so they can be ready for work the next day?! She actually texted me first, which woke me, but I ignored it, and less than 5 mintues later Loghead's phone rang.
She was on a roll! He didn't even really get a chance to speak. She spilled it all, starting with the most recent piece of news:
1. She got an $80 speeding ticket earlier in the day.
2. She told him she gave Loca Grande "several thousand" dollars from her settlement.
3. She's on academic probabation.
I am not sure where to even begin. I am at a loss. I feel so alone. I feel so alone in my own home. I have been married 3 times and never had any children. I was never in a stable enough relationship where I felt bringing children into the world was an option. I was married and in the USAF at 19 and got pregnant, but my husband was abusive and told me there was no way he would have a baby. I disagreed and was beaten by him, causing a miscarriage. We ended up divorcing years later. I was in a 12 year realtionship with a musician who refused to grow up...thats a whole other story.
My SS comes home from school today. Asked if he can use my computer to update the IPOD, his BM, gave him against our wishes. I say not a problem let me see it. He hands it over it has a password on it so I ask what it is. He asked for it back and said he wanted to delete some stuff first. I asked what and he said poams. Now I am not stupid. He is 16 and probably has pictures I should not see or downloaded porn from an unsecure site. I simply said if I can not see what is on there you can not use my computer. I do not want any virus moving on to my system!
So here we go. Myself and the BF have sat down and talked 3 to 4 times about rules for the SD. We agree on them and not two days later they get thrown out the window by him. There are no rules in this house. Yesterday i walked out with our youngest. I came back the next night to talk. He said he understood why I was upset and that he was too lazy and that if I would give him a clean start he would do better.The rules are simple nothing hard. If he doesnt stick too them this time I cant stay here in this house. I am on the verge of walking away and never looking back.
I feel totally alone in my own house. I always feel like it's me against my husband and stepson. It's not because my DH chooses though. SS is constantly trying to make me look bad to DH. Thank goodness DH knows better but I am really tired of it. Usually my DH and I split the care of the kid but lately all I hear is how shitty I am and I can't stand to be around SS. Then my DH has to take care of it because I don't want to. Kid wins and I feel like a pile of poop.
Today I went in for my 39 week check up and the doctor was surprised at how dilated I am and how much I've progressed in a week. She said she'd be surprised if I last through the weekend!! Hooray our little boy is coming!
So FDH texts BM to remind her to be on extra-alert for the next two nights as the dr said it could be soon (which duh, I'm 39 weeks...but you know, he just wanted to make sure she's not going out getting trashed the next two nights while we have the skids).
BM's response:
"Ok well as long as I don't get a call during my date tonight lol"
So this is just me thinking 'out loud'. So most of us can't stand the "you knew what you were getting into/ knew what he had" type phrases we hear. My own mom told me that yesterday and it started a discussion. Yeah, I knew he had a kid. She says I had a choice. Here is my background- dh and I dated for about a year. (years after dh and bm broke up, btw.) We were mid-twenties. I was wanting to find someone to settle down with when we met. Until dh, I had never dated anyone with kids. In fact, that was an immediate 'no' until I met dh. During that time I had very limited time around ss.
long story short, my dh sent modification papers stating he wanted custody of the girls to get bm to respond (it worked) this has been going on for over a year and we just got word today that the 13 sd has started cutting herself :jawdrop: , and she has said its because she's tired of the modification and wants more visitation with dad, but doesn't want to live with us (which we already addressed in front of her with the oldest and agreed that is fine).
I have been SS-18's dad since he was 1yo. I am the first person he ever called dad(dy) and I am the only real dad he has or will ever have. His BioDad is a waste of skin.
So, as his dad I am his problem.
He follows the rules or I am his problem.
He does what he is told or I am his problem.
He treats his mom and I and any other adult with respect or I am his problem.
He performs to his potential in school or I am his problem.
He takes responsibility for his actions and behavior or I am his problem.
I am watching Steve Wilkos show and this 17 yr old girl is on there and she said "things got worser and worser"! :jawdrop: Really that is such basic language that was taught is elementary. WOW just WOW
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