MorningMia's Blog
Disengagement: A fluid place
The first five years of our marriage involved such horrible attacks and turmoil that it almost did us in--multiple times. When we shut out BM from our lives by the end of Year Two, one of her last desperate calls was, *"We all need to get along [really?!? that's what this is called?] for future weddings, holidays, and grandchildren." By the end of Year Five, skid behavior was so god-awful, I shut the door on them. DH and I decided he would see his kids in some place other than our home unless they apologized and changed their behavior. SS apologized. SD cried and screamed.
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I still have to remind myself not to make kind gestures. Only in step-world!
What world is this? My god. For the survival of my marriage and my own mental health and peace, I put some strong boundaries in place two years in. Because the skids were still somewhat young, we had faith that they would one day "see the light." I kept trying with them. Kept getting smacked down, kept getting my feelings hurt. 5 years in, I threw my hands in the air.
The story(ies) of vacations--or "Don't have fun without me"
Recent phone calls from adult SD to DH during a vacation of ours reminded me of the ongoing "Look at me" behavior of her mother from years past.
Long after DH and I got together, he told me the story of when he and a GF went away for a short beach vacation, the last weekend of which fell on Father's Day. DH did not tell BM or the skids he was going away (apparently, he knew better). He knew he'd be home that Sunday afternoon and would talk with his kids then (they lived in another state). DH knew while on vacation to turn off his cell phone (hmm).