how to deal with the EX
It has been quite sometime since I have been on. I think I was pregnant with my youngest and she is almost one year old now.
Things have been hell recently. Exwife has been so awful, her mother has been and so has my DH mother. She has jumped ship from our side over the the ex's. Not sure when their relationship was renewed but I do know it was behind my husband's back. MIL has always had issued wiht her daughter in laws.
I won't get into everything but it has been a battle emotionally and finacially. I feel like we are losing every battle. In fact I am so exhausted from the battles...from support payments (we pay her more that I make in a month and I am almost a six figured income) to activities to sunscreens...you name we are ay battle for it!
The reason I am back on is because I am lost...feeling like divorce is my only way to get rid of these people. But I love my husband and I love my kids. My relationship with SD has changed a lot in the last year. She is more distant and more clingy with her mom. We do have two kids under three here and can't make her the center of attention.
We are heading back into counselling next week. Just wondering if anyone has any success stories on how to deal with the ex's. I have tried ignoring them..works till the next time she speaks. I get a knot in my tummy and feel sick when she starts. I think about things all the time. The words I would like to say to her. In my mind I confront her daily over all the issues. I can not free myself from her. It is eating me up inside and I don't want to look back on this time when my kids are small and think I wasted it on her. Any advice would be great!!
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here's every good trick that
here's every good trick that ever worked for me: BM is only this way due to jelousy, misery loves company, it does end, and look at SD like this- She may realize BM love is conditional and since yours isn't she has to be clingy with BM-unfair but true more than I liketo admit.
we went a year w/o speaking to my mil due to inadequate treatment between the kids and when DH did contact her for the first time after that he established ground rules for the relationship- it has been wonderful ever since with her.
I also spent alot of time on what I would've liked to say to BM, now I know its a waste- i have said alot of it to her and made no difference , and not a word was said how i thought i would say it, heat of the moment ya know?
child support sucks when you know its being used differently than intended, we were paying ALOT for one child who was still not properly kept though BM was, it erked me then i just admitted- I could not change it and one day it did end and she was so screwed.
I dreamed about being with someone who had no children and the stressless life it would be, but it's not there- there's always gonna be something crappy to obsess over and wonder what if...... but if there's something to think about it's this- someday BM will be not a pronounced part of your lives, SD will be grown and you can say you did it the best you could, you have wonderful children who love you and you will have DH to sit and grow old with. I decided I wanted DH and SD, and learned to take life as my own instead of letting BMs crud distract me- thats what she wanted and I no longer give it to her except for the rare time i lose control.
DH is the one who has to live with you so as long as he and you know you are a good person- the rest don't count.
sorry the lack of sleep is turning my train of thought into a bunch of short buses.
There is no reason where logic does not exist
Thank you. Your story
Thank you. Your story sounds the same as mine. MIL has shown favouritism to SD as well...we discussed wiht her 4 months ago and I was hoping we woud move past that but we didn't and now we are not speaking....2 weeks. My husband says she has picked her side so let her deal with it.
Funny these people have limited effect on him. All that you say I know you are so right. I know they don't deserve space in my head. Sad part is we pay them money for them to rent this space....LOL.
SD is only 7 and this hell began when I first met DH..she was two. Our road is long!!! We make plans all the time of how life will be one day when she know longer has a reason to bug us...although I feel as though she will always.
Did you DH ex ever meet anyone new? Does things change then? I am hoping that that happens one day. I feel she is bitter because she had an affair and left her marriage. Broke up her marriage and her best friends marriage and all the other three have moved on...remarried and she is still on dating sites...5 1/2 years later.
Eee here I go....this post is about me and fixing my issue with the situation and I am focusing on her. I just hope it gets easier....This family deserve so much more than this.
HI tyra
I guess I am new here since you were last on. I have a VERY similar story to yours. MY Dh's ex is crazy, seriously. It took me a long time to finally realize that NOTHING I ever said to her would matter. She is incapable of understanding. We also have issues with my MIL, we havent spoken to her in over a year. (You can go to myspace.com/jungbert and I will add you and you can read my blogs)
I have no words of wisdom except that I just had to put it all out of my mind so that I could direct my energy towards my own BS's. They are young and need my full attention and not a mom who is 1/2 mentally present b/c of MIL drama and BM drama. I dropped all the drama, it has been extremely hard to not say a lot, but it can be done. I have the world's biggest mouth, and if I can do it, anyone can! HUGS!!!
thanks
i will visit your site. I know that is the only way to moce on but I just don'y know how to get it out of my mind. I have so many more important things in my life to focus on and this is not one that I want occupying my mind.
good luck to you.