husband doesn't think his kids what the "Original family" back together
I have had the conversation with my husband about his daughter wanting her dad and mom to get back together. I know in my head that will never happen, too much hurt with the 2 of them. It is the comments and pictures she shares with friends. They are not shy about calling themselves "The Original 3 or "O-3"." (my 3 skids). My DH and I have 2 kids. I told him about her posting a pix of the "original family" when they were kids with their BM & my husband. He says I am reading into it. He has told me that other than mandatory functions (school, grad, wedding...) that he would never just go out with the BM. There was a time that SS21 had asked DH to meet he and his BM out at some bar, my husband politely said no and told me about it. Today I found out the lunch that he had with SS21 & SD19 on Friday was with BM too. A friend had notified me of this and let me know where to find the proof. Here is her message "Lunch with mom and dad!!!!! Ya!!!! Dreams come true !!!! Divorced kids dream"
Am I right to be upset? I don't even know what to say to my DH...he and maybe you guys will tell me to stop looking... but not knowing and being the fool when others see this stuff is embarrassing
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My heart just ached a little
My heart just ached a little when I read this. His kids are old enough to know better. This was a direct hit at you. Trust me I'm a COD so I know how this works. Children never get over wanting to see their parents back together or at least being civil to each other. My sisters and I were horrid to my SM when we were around these ages. Now that I am older I totally regret it and my SM and I have a wonderful relationship. (I have apologized :)).
I'm saying this to say that you have every right to feel the way you feel about this. It is disrespectful and your DH knows it. How would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
"Lunch with mom and dad!!!!!
"Lunch with mom and dad!!!!! Ya!!!! Dreams come true !!!! Divorced kids dream"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OMG!!! My SS so wants things like this to happen.
Your DH did not tell you about the lunch date with BM? RED FLAG!
Edit to add ...I WOULD BE LIVID
Wow, that is terrible. Shame
Wow, that is terrible.
Shame on your DH for having an "original" family lunch with BM there. I'm pissed and hurt for you!
It would have been one thing if it were just the skids, but with BM there it takes it to a whole new level of wrong.
He did not tell you about it because he knew it was wrong and he knew it would hurt you.
I totally agree. DH played
I totally agree. DH played right into this one. I'm about to have a conversation with my DH regarding pick ups and drops. They all happen at BM's house. SD knows when DH is coming but she's never ready! He ends up going inside and I guess they play happy family while SD get's her things ready. This is going to STOP. I'm not having it and it is a total set up by SD13.
Yea BM moved to a different
Yea BM moved to a different house and try to fix it where DH had to go pick up the kids a few times AT the house. I am pretty sure it bum BM out because I SHOWED up with him and it played out like I figure. One of the SD's likes to waste time around there before leaving. She can't have her crap ready and be ready out the door when he/we come pick them up. She lolly gags. and of course he is standing around inside the house having conversations with BM. and you will love how the conversations go, and it goes in steps like clock work.
first it is the discussions about the kids then it slowly gets turn to talking about
BM's family. ( who cares about her family???) but it gets thrown in. Then it slowly turns into
Hey do you remember back in the days when you and I did this and this and such and such we had a blast didn't we? Remember when the girls were small and we did this and this and they did that and you and I thought it was sooo funny? Like she is trying to ignite some old flames and he might go running back to her. I dunno
I put a stopped to that whole meet up because eventually I am not going to get to be there on every one of them and that is what she hopes for. and usually he wants me to miss work to go with him because I do admit he is to spineless to tell her off. It always goes if you piss this bitch off she goes back working the court system.
It was put too stopped too. He told her off and reminded her that the agreement said half way and she had to go back meeting him outside her town.
No more standing around her house so she can bring up memories while one of the daughters beep bop around a whole hour getting her crap together.
AngelofMisery he let it slip
AngelofMisery he let it slip yesterday at lunch. BM's mom is in town and the last time he picked up SD he told me that BM was at work. Well yesterday he started talking about stuff that BM's mother had brought up . . .wanting SD13 to come visit her during the summer and crap. And then he says "oh and BM pulled me to the side to ask what my plans were for SD for the summer". At work my ass. I guess they put on a good front for good old granny! BM, DH and SD13 are as disfunctional as it get's but they played nice for her. DH will be explaining this one.
There is no way in hell that
There is no way in hell that SO would go into BMs house. She tried coming into our house a few times but I put an end to that. She doesn't want me in her house, then don't come in mine. All pick ups and drop offs need to be done outside. Your DH can wait out in the car for SD.
FTMandSM I totally agree.
FTMandSM I totally agree. I'm so sick of this. My mother was the BM from HELL. She wouldn't let us go for visits so my dad came to our (her house) to spend time with us. My SM was a SAINT. My mom in hindsight just wanted to be around my dad. (can you say control freak). As we got older he started visiting with us outside of her home and we were able to form a relationship with him without her. My dad hasn't step foot inside of my mom's home or had dinner/lunch with my mom in almost 20 years. They live seperate lives and we are all better off for it.
We have been married 9 years,
We have been married 9 years, together 11...both longer than SD had with her BM & father as a couple
Did BM recently get divorced
Did BM recently get divorced or something? Seems like there would be a trigger, or has this behavior always occurred?
No, she is single...she likes
No, she is single...she likes it, makes her a great martyr (even though she left to be with her soul mate, that didn't work out).
She has in the past invited DH to have drinks with Skids, but he has politely refused. She has even asked me to her house once, I think to show of her expensive house with the great view of the city. I made up some excuse to not go.
Every once in a while the skids and her think it would be a great idea to have a joint holiday dinner. The problem is that we can't get along the entire year, but it would be "great" to share a holiday meal together. She bad mouths us, tell the skids that FDH doesn't have to pay for whatever, I broke up the family, I am the reason that they can't have a relationship,...I think she likes the idea of us all getting along, but is not ready to stop the bad mouthing to get us there.
Your DH failed to mention
Your DH failed to mention that BM was at this lunch?
Yep, told me he had lunch
Yep, told me he had lunch with SD & SS before SD left to back to school
If it were me and my DH, that
If it were me and my DH, that would be a conversation he would not enjoy.
they were 7, 11, & 13 years
they were 7, 11, & 13 years old.
The oldest now SS24 doesn't play into this like the SS21 & SD19 does
I would imagine this O-3
I would imagine this O-3 business is also very hurtful for your bio kids to see. I agree these skids are way too old to be carrying on like this, and your DH isn't helping the situation. By not saying anything, he is encouraging this behavior. On some level, he knows you're not reading too much into it or else he wouldn't feel the need to hide his part in feeding into his kids unhealthy fixation.
Thankfully my bios are 6 & 3
Thankfully my bios are 6 & 3 and do not see this yet
Exactly. When they feel like
Exactly.
When they feel like the need to hide it, they know damn good and well they are wrong.
Thanks everyone! I am having
Thanks everyone! I am having a hard time with this and your comments are very helpful.
My DH will turn this back on me and say he couldn't say anything because he knows how I would react. That part is true. I don't care if it was an ambush or planned, (you are right exhaustedSM) he should have politely said that this was not appropriate and offer another day.
My response to that would be
My response to that would be if you knew I would not be okay with it then why would you do it? Do you feelings matter so little to him?
Honestly this is sneaky and dishonest & sneaky and dishonest with BM would be a deal breaker for me.
"Divorced kids dream is
"Divorced kids dream is divorced father's nightmare. Please no more nightmares for this dad."
^^^Bahahaha Love this!
LOL
LOL
This is pretty close to a
This is pretty close to a deal breaker for me. 1..he went on a date with BM. 2..he lied about it. 3...he will blame you for lying.
Has he always been a patsy for the other family? Has he always been a liar?
He has been a patsy re: his
He has been a patsy re: his kids. He would always complain about how BM never punished kids and that he had to do it. Let me tell you, I have never seen him punish his kids no matter how bad (sex in basement with SSs on 3 occasions, alcohol while in high school,...)
Liar, kind of strong,...he is a great avoider of the truth and will answer only the question asked. He does well as an expert on the stand. He also takes the "5th" a lot and says he won't talk about certain things with me.
he is a great avoider of the
he is a great avoider of the truth
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Means liar to me.
"A half truth is a whole
"A half truth is a whole lie"
-Chinese Proverb
You are right!
You are right!
He said, "So I went to lunch
He said, "So I went to lunch and she happened to be there, so what?" When I told him about SD quote "I wouldn't read into it,...it wasn't a love fest." I am sure it wasn't, I know how he feels about BM. I feel like he doesn't care about my feelings...Sorry for the pity fest. Just wanted to update.