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The Third Wheel

stressed bf's picture

I moved in with my girlfriend about a year and a half ago. She shares custody of her 6 year old daughter with her ex husband. Her daughter spends half the week with us and half with her bio dad.

The issue I am facing is that of my role as a "parent". My GF and her ex have very different views on her upbringing which partly caused thier divorse. Part of the issue now is that my GF has no rules in our house compared to her bio-dad, and over compensates with gifts trying to win her daughters love so that when she gets older she will want to be with us instead of her dad.

I do not think our house should be a military school, but would like to have some simple rules in place, plus also teach her daughter that there are consequences to her bad behaviour. She pushes her mother to the limit, but since she does not want to be the bad parent, she does nothing. I end up taking the brunt of her frustration.

I've tried talking to my GF about the issue, but she always gets angry with me. I've tried explaining that i don't feel that it's my rules that should be in place, but that we should discuss it together and come up with a few simple ones that we both agree on. We should also agree on what any consequences are for bad behaviour.

She just wants me to be her daughter's "friend" and leave the parenting to her. I feel very stressed out at home watching all this go on and would appreciate any advice.....

Comments

RaeRae's picture

You've got to decide if this is all worth it for you. If you don't think you can live this way, it's best to go ahead and get out before you become too attached and involved.

2Shoes's picture

Well it seems that Daddy layw doen the law and Mommy just lays down and takes it. It appearently ended thier relationship and it sounds like it will end yours. Ultimatley, she has to maje the decision to be the rule enforcer. If she doesn't back you up it will never work. I see an unruly teen in the near future.