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I'm beside myself this morning

stormabruin's picture

So, SS turned 18 a month & 2 days ago. DH has talked to him a number of times about the importance of school & going to college. SS has talked to DH trying to figure out what his options would be available to finance a college eduacation once his Senior year (this year) was over. He's talked about joining the military. We've been trying desparately to get information on DH's family history, as it was suggested to us where if you are 10% American Indian you can get your education paid for. DH's great-grandmother was full-blooded American Indian, but we can't get our hands on anything to prove it. I have spent hours, days, & months looking for something so that DH's kids would be able to benefit from such an opportunity. Turns out my time & efforts have been for nothing. SS likely will not finish high school.

Yesterday was the first day of school for DH's kids. He called SS at 3:30pm to find out how school went. His reply was, "Well, I need to talk to you about that. They won't let me enroll for 12th grade". Wait...they won't LET him enroll??? Yeah.

BM has opted to have the kids homeschooled for the last 1 1/2 years & hid the fact from DH. SS finally told him this last summer. SD failed the first year of homeschool, so she's a year behind. SS was held back in KINDERGARTEN because BM couldn't pull her ass out of bed to get him up & ready to ride the bus. He missed too many days, so he's already a year back. It turns out that since the last school year ended, in June, BM hasn't been able to come up with $50 for him to take the test to progress from 11th grade to 12th. $50!!! Not one time did she ever mention it to DH that they needed help to pay it. They spent a week at the beach, she had birthday parties for both of them, & can manage to buy liquor for the son she's concerned has an alcohol problem, but can't come up with $50 to help her son get through high school???

We can pay the $50 to get him through, but he has to be willing to GO TO SCHOOL, & without her encouraging him it won't happen. I'm half tempted to make it conditional. If he wants to move in with us, we'll pay for the test. We'll take him to take the test so that we know for sure that it happened, & he can stay with us as long as he's in school.

This also creates a possible change in CS. Him being 18 & not enrolled in school, DH can go to court & have SS taken off CS. Of course, ideally, he'll get his ass an education & DH will continue to pay for the rest of the school year. DH did tell him yesterday, though, that if he doesn't go back, CS will be cut. SS was upset by it. His reply was, "Dad, we really need that money". DH said, "I'm sorry son. More than my money, you really need an education, & that needs to be a priority. It should be a priority for you & it should be a priority for your mother. It makes me angry that it takes the fear of losing money to make your education important enough, & it infurates me that your mother begged me for another chance to be a mother to her children, & she can't see beyond herself to give her children a chance in life. I cannot BEGIN to tell you how angry I am." DH stayed eerily calm through his statment & then told SS he couldn't talk about it anymore right then. He needed a break. I guess DH will talk to the lawyer sometime today & find out about dropping the CS on SS & DH will call SS back this afternoon. If they can't figure something out with school, I guess we'll just drop him off the CS & if they need the money bad enough, him & BM can double-team at McDonald's. It'll give him a jump on his career. Sad

I never would have believed there was a mother out there so worthless. She'll go to her grave insisting that somehow this is all DH's fault...piece of shit.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

I agree with Dru, why can't he just get his GED and call it good? I hate these parents that just don't seem to get the importance of education. We got a letter from SS12 school last year that he had 33 tardies and like 10 unexcused absences (6th grade!) EVERY SINGLE ONE of those is because BM can't get her lazy part time working ass out of bed in the morning to get him to school on time. Can't wait to see what it's like this year now that he has to be there 1/2 hour earlier! nothing like setting your own child up for failure!

stormabruin's picture

I don't even know if he can pass 11th grade test. My guess is that he doesn't have the knowledge he needs to pass the GED exam.

stormabruin's picture

I guess my concern is that it isn't a priority for them. If it was something they cared about, they'd have called & simply said, "We need $50 so SS can take his test to go to 12th grade". It truly would've been THAT easy. The beach was more important. Birthday parties & liquor bottles were more important. Hollister & Abercrombie are more important...to ALL of them.

Education isn't important to them...ANY of them. BM doesn't have a diploma or GED. Her 1/2 brother...36 years old & living with them, off their foodstamps & has never worked a job has no diploma or GED. Her mother, who spends HER husband's money like it's going out of style, has no diploma or GED. Aquiring that just doesn't matter to them.

He can go to public school for FREE. It just isn't important enough. He just seems to think he doesn't need it.

stormabruin's picture

I keep getting this idea to write to the judge who deemed the kids responsible enough to decide where they wanted to be when, & who deemed BM a competent parent. I'd love to see her face as she read about how her enabling BM in her narcissism & giving BM & the kids permission to nix DH as a parental influence in their lives has resulted in 2 more members of our society being failed. I'd love to know if it would occur to her, the fact that she played a HUGE part in making that happen.

I don't know what chance my letter would stand of ever reaching her, or whether or not her mind would be open to hearing & processing the words in it.

Quite honestly, I would be terrified to send something like that knowing that DH still has to go before her at least 2 more times regarding CS.

stormabruin's picture

Sadly, it occured to me to suggest that perhaps BM intentionally helped them each not succeed to ensure extended years of CS. DH looked a bit shocked, but only a moment later he was wondering how the thought hadn't occured to him before.

When DH was talking to SS yesterday at 3:30pm, he said it was loud in the background. He asked SS where they were. He said they were at home...that BM was having a bunch of friends over that she hadn't seen in a long time.

That just hit like one more punch. On what should have been her childrens' first day of school...her son's first day of his senior year but isn't because over several months she couldn't manage to scrape up or ask DH for $50, she's entertaining guests.

DH asked SS if BM was working at all. SS always says she is, but we know that she isn't. They were at the lake or tanning bed every day of the summer. There would've been no time for her to actually go to a job. He just doesn't want DH to know she's worthless & doing nothing to contribute.

stormabruin's picture

She's a year behind. She should be going into 9th grade, but is only going into 8th. She failed the first year they homeschooled. SS said they did pay the $50 for her to take her test. Of course, if they hadn't, they'd have come after BM because SD is a minor. I feel safe in assuming that she only got to continue to save BM's ass. It wasn't for the sake of benefitting SD.

Because SS is no longer a minor & BM isn't legally obligated to help him anymore, he got pushed aside. I guarantee that once the CS cuts off, BM will have him out of the house if he isn't handing her money. He'll either end up with us or with BM's mom.

SD posted something on FB last week about having to start school a couple weeks late. I have no idea why. SS told DH he has no idea what her plans are, as far as going public or homeschooling again. I think he knows a hell of a lot more than he leads on to knowing & won't tell DH because he knows DH will be pissed at BM...God forbid.

LizzieA's picture

We went through something similar. BM couldn't get SS out of bed and did not provide one bit of discipline or accountability with the result that the school filed a petition on him. He flunked 8th grade twice. Finally he went to charter school and made up two years in one. He then graduated from the public HS (his friends, you know!) Place sucks. Anyway, now he's drifting a bit--found out BM did not even fill out FASFA on him to give him the option of school. Total disregard for her kids' future, she's too busy playing out with her "BF" every weekend. And DH was kept in dark about everything, a conspiracy of "don't tell Dad."

stormabruin's picture

It pisses me off so bad because after all the shit we went through...after all the fuss & legal work, etc, because she NEEDED this one more chance to be a mother to her children, & she's done NOTHING with it but ruin them. I mean, she doesn't even TRY. In fact, sometimes it seems like things would be better if she'd leave it at just not trying, but to make things happen the way she does she'd almost be having to put forth extra effort to suck as bad as she does.

As for the "don't tell Dad" conspiracy, she's converted both kids. SS holds out as long as he can stand it, & then like this yesterday, there's just no way to pull it off anymore & it comes out little by little.

While BM is the evil behind it all, I do hold SS accountable for the part he's played in all of it. He has knowingly kept secrets & has chosen to tag along as her toady & protector. There have been loads of opportunities for him to talk to DH about this. They've had conversation-after-conversation about school & questions..."What do you need for school? Do you have everything you need for school? Are you ready for school start?" At any point, SS could have said, "Dad, mom doesn't have the money for me to take my test. Can you pay the $50 so I can take it?" It would've been frustrating to know that with everything else they spend money on she couldn't bring herself to pay $50 for her son to progress, however we certainly would've opted to pay the $50 so he could get his education.

Most Evil's picture

re. GED, I thought I had seen on here that the military is not accepting GED?

I would check in your area before encouraging that and wasting the effort if it won't work for enlisting if that is what he is hoping to do.

This is so discouraging. I can't believe your BM either-!!!!!!!