I recently quit babysitting my SD5.

I have BS's 11 and 9 home with me, I didn't mind the idea of babysitting for SO when he works (all day Sunday, so EOWE when SD is here), but I have rules and expectations for kids, SD is used to being indulged and getting her way. It wasn't working out. So I quit.

It's been hard for SO to make other arrangements, but meh, not my monkey, not my circus.

So anyways, short answer, NO! You certainly don't have to

Watching his children are not part off your marriage contact. If you agree to do it, then you have every right to change your mind later on down the road.

You have done the tedious job of watching your own when they were small, you didn't have those kids, and it sounds like you didn't even know about them.

Rushing into marriage so soon makes me think you are 1 of two things, either very young and naive, or older and don't want to wait around for ever for marriage (this is my father in law). I'd think that you are probably younger though, which isn't a bad thing, you just haven't been scorned by too many men to know better. Everyone has an agenda, everyone has hidden works that they can hide (at least until the first year). Everyone lies (learned this from House M.D., and personal experience)

So it's the weekends and then only the day/s of them where he's scheduled to work, correct? I'm assuming he has them EOWE? He has one child from one mother and two from a second mother? Are the schedules matched so all three are suppose to come on the same weekends? I'm just trying to get a sense of how many kids and how many actual weekends a month the babysitting entails.

Regardless of those answers, none of I is your responsibility nor part of any unwritten SM duty. Saying 'no' should in no way leave you feeling guilty. He's being an ass if he' pressuring you to do so. The older your own young teen gets and gains more and more independence and outside interest thus giving you more 'me' time, the current situation will worsen for you with resentment.

Dad has several options he needs to be looking into:
1. He has extended family and friends he could lineup every month in advance. Assuring he doesn't dump his kids all on the same source each time (better chance of these people saying 'yes' if the task is spread out). This option also gives the kids time with various extended family .
2. Coordinate schedules with the BMs so he either has the kids all on his nonworking weekends or only has one or two at a time to find care for. Some of his potential sitters may be more willing to watch two older kids than one toddler, for example.
3. He needs to be job hunting for non-weekend employment if he comes up empty handed on babysitting options.

Perhaps you can find them some type of class/open gym/etc. to at least minimize the load. I also married a man with 3 kids, though the 2 eldest are now 14 and almost 13. His youngest was 4 when we met and I dreaded her weekends. He had to work one weekend and asked if I would mind watching her. I laid down the law pretty quickly and all of that "I'm telling my daddy" was solved by me saying "That's fine, you don't have to help clean and I won't bother making you lunch, you can just sit at that table in time out for the next 6 hours till Daddy gets home." That got my some respect but it still took nearly 2 years for me to really warm up to her. Now we're in the middle of a custody battle with BM over the youngest who's almost 7 now.

He really needs to look at things from your point of view. Obviously child support is based, at least partially, on the amount of time the children spend with their father. It's definitely a rough situation but it's not your fault. Maybe counseling might help?

sadly this story sounds like mine
I too, am a designated babysitter for my spouse's kids while he works. I knew of the kids beforehand. Their behavior makes it harder to watch them each day

FUCK NO!!!!!!!
Do you honestly even have to ask this question?

Because his children are so small I made it clear to him from the beginning that I will not babysit them

You already let him know that you would not babysit, why is he getting pissy? It is not your responsibility to watch his kids, especially kids you didn't even know he had. If he has to work, the kids should be with their mom.

What was his reason for not telling you about these kids? I feel you have had a "bait and switch" pulled on you. I would get an annulment.

Deliberately lying about the existence of 2 children? This isn't 1882. The only reason to do that was to trick you. You cannot be married to this man.

The reason things are "so good" when it's just you two is that he lies to you as much as he wants at those times. He tells you things you want to hear. Guarantee he is not being honest with you during the good times on anything from his opinion on a movie to where he spent his time when he left the house to swing by the "hardware store."

So there is no real happiness in your marriage. There's misery and there's a pastel painted store front where you think you're happy because you cannot see what's really going on.

Here's how you leave. 1. Go see a lawyer. 2. Follow the lawyer's advice. 3. Announce to your dh in the manner the lawyer advises. 4. Go live a happy life.