Co dependent
Just went to my first CODA meeting last night. I'd like to find out my part in my skids & DH steamrolling right over me the past couple of years. Actually it's probably been going on for the entire marriage to some degree. I hope to figure out how to create boundaries with them. Although I heard at the meeting once people stop being a doormat and constantly giving, familes tend to get mad and accuse you of causing problems. I guess I'll just have to see how this goes...
Anyone ever try books or meetings on this issue??
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That's great! My grandmother
That's great! My grandmother was a codependent (IS) and her three kids are complete self-involved assholes. I think I turned out just like her instead of created by her doting, though. If she doesn't jump when they hollar ("Kids" ages are 49, 55, and 57) they will shout on the phone, huff, threaten, and even hang up on her. It is horrible. She just now, at age 79, trying to stand up and say "I will not be talked to or treated in that manner", and I am so very very proud of her.
Be proud of yourself and stick to your guns that you are an equal human being and if it gets hard, remember you are doing this for yourself, BUT it is ALSO for THEIR own good too, because otherwise, they will end up like my mother, aunt, and uncle - complete douchebags.
The literature keeps saying
The literature keeps saying you can only change yourself, no one else. I think it's all about setting boundaries so we're not hurt or aggravated by other people's issues. In trying to set those boundaries I'm sure I will make a few family member mad......
A few things have happened
A few things have happened since I was on here last.....I went to a few meetings so far. What I keep replaying in my head is "nothing changes if nothing changes" So I'm trying to make changes.
We went to a weekend marriage retreat, Retrouvaille, and are now writing to each other regardng our thoughts on daily situations. Write 10 minutes, talk 10 minutes & get it understood in a civilized manner. I have no idea how we will survive the upcoming conflict resolution session regarding the skids. I have learned that I have to keep his adults kids at arms length from our younger ones and he needs to have a separate relationship with them. I also learned that I couldn't have been more of a parent to them than there own parents. I was set up to fail from the start. Small progress but at least it's in the right direction.....