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BM's weirdness continues and I may be pushing some buttons

SisterNeko's picture

My new stance with FDH when it comes to BM is if you don't tell her I will. Smile Is it my place? absolutely not but I am sick of his let it slide attitude when it comes to BM.

Yesterday after the dentist appointment FDH called me and said that SS7 wanted to talk to me. He was upset - about to burst into tears - because SFH (StepFatherHusband) told him that he HAD to release the tapole/frog that he found back in to the 'wild'. SS7 wanted to know if he could bring it to our house (it has been going back a forth for a few weeks) and leave it here with me (to take care of). I said sure but we had to get a better terrarium for him (currently it's in a small aquarium). SS7 has taken a real interest in frogs and we already have 2 aquatic dwarf frogs here so it's not a big deal.

Well I e-mailed BM and asked her to make sure that the frog gets sent to our house and that we would be keeping it because SS7 doesn't want to turn it loose. She e-mailed me back and didn't know what I was talking about so I explained to her what happened. I told her SS7 called me today crying because SFH said he HAD to let it go. I told her I ordered a new terrarium for it and it would be easier on the frog to just stay at one location. She told me SFH didn't say that but that we could keep it if we wanted to.

FDH did tell BM when he talked to her on the phone that she owes her day care place an apology for freaking them out yesterday when FDH showed up looking for SS7 and he wasn't there. Heaven forbid she call FDH or them and tell them that the plan changed.

Then she got weird because FDH had to schedule an other dentist appt. for next week because SS7 HAS to have 2 teeth pulled and they didn't have time to do it yesterday. But she wants to go and can't on the day that FDH set it up for so she wants to reschedule it for NEXT month! It can't wait his teeth are coming in and baby teeth aren't coming out so they are pushing in behind them.

BM txt'ed FDH last night at 9:30 PM to asked him if he was going to a funeral (for his 2nd cousin that passed away) - it woke us BOTH up because FDH uses his cell phone as an alarm clock. I was ticked - I am sorry that she passed away but that could have waited until morning. FDH refused to say anything to her so I e-mailed her today and told her that she woke us up last night with that txt and not to txt or call anymore between the hours of 9PM and 7AM unless it was something that just couldn't wait, like life or death. It's not the first time she has done this either (told her that as well) and I suggested that after 9PM FDH and I might be 'spending some much needed time together' because YES she has interrupted THAT too!

On a side note I think I have found a place to provide counseling for FDH (and me maybe) so that he can deal with his issues and start taking control when it comes to BM.

Comments

SisterNeko's picture

Yeah that is why I e-mail her (don't tell her that) but it does leave a paper trail and I am always careful not to threaten or insult her just inform and express concern for the boys. Smile She emailed me back but I haven't opened it yet. I like to wait a while so it seems like I have a life. lol

We suspect that BM may be bi-polar. A few weeks ago she was a little depressive in e-mails with me, so I am guess she is in a manic state right now and panicking about everything.

herewegoagain's picture

The problem here is not just BM, the major problem is your DH. If this is an issue for you, he should have no problem leaving his phone elsewhere in the house and buying a normal alarm clock. If he doesn't do it, stop getting mad at the BM and start focusing on WHY your DH believes that his ex's needs and desires come before yours. That is the real issue.

SisterNeko's picture

agreed - I put an alarm clock on the wedding registry (if I don't buy it before hand) that meets all of FDH needs (meaning he might actually use it) and I have requested couples counseling BEFORE we say 'I DO' in Oct or it's not happening. Her needs shouldn't come before mine and the kids needs should be on that same level as mine (depending on the need).

SisterNeko's picture

She e-mailed me back - "okay thanks for the heads up"

I told her it was just a heads up that we go to bed around 9 sometimes. like when FDH goes into to work early! I am sure I made her mad

Mom2TwinsnTeens's picture

I love the "if you don't say something, I will" threat. It totally works in our house. Not just with BMs, since we don't have that problem much, but with his friends, the skids, etc. DH knows I wont pull any punches, so if he wants the situation to be handled more delicately, he knows he has to do it