Day 2 of recent blow up
SS18 has decided he needs space and is staying at a friend house to cool--off..are you kidding me?..He needs to cool off??DM has only been able to say "I dont know what to do"..exactly the reason were where were at. SS18 has never been held accountable for anything and now that he's 18 thinks he can do whatever he wants..regardless the fact that he doesnt have a job, we bought his car, pay his insurance, cell phone. Its just frustrating..not a bad kid, does ok at school..been accepted to 3 colleges..wants to do ROTC..just needs to contribute to our family occasionally..minor chores, etc....the minimal is all I ask..but has been a only child..DM has had everything revolve around him..Its just gets too much at times and I have to say something to him because DM wont.. Guess I just need to bide my time until he goes to college..but I know I'll still recent supporting him there as long as he continues to have this attitude.
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Oh and let me add..locked his
Oh and let me add..locked his bedroom door when he left..its not like we cant get into it..but that fact that he did this and as never done this before is puzzling..let alone pisses me off..when he has his own house he can lock his doors..but as long as he under our roof..that aint going to happen..its not that we dont consider his privacy..knock to come in, limit being in there, etc..It just adds to my level of frustration
To Foxie; Yeah well had a job
To Foxie;
Yeah well had a job over the summer. Worked the minimal hours cus he didnt want it to interfere with his sports. But its a golf course..you dont work in the winter..But in his mind he has a job. over the last few weeks say he's been looking..I actually hooked him up with a PT job at Sears..but he didnt want it..says a friend of his worked there and he hated it. I was so f#*King pissed..But held my tongue..trying be understanding ans supportive..the htings that hold be back is his BF is a loser and SS18 knows it..matter of fact the dont even speak anymore..so SS18 has alot of anger in him..So when you criticize or try to correct him he blows up and becomes so dramatic..been like that since I been in the picture( he was 10yr)..DM has always just let him blow up and cool off before reingaging him..me being old school found that to be babying him and allowing him to get away with things..
I gather that this is your
I gather that this is your wife? " DM"
If she had any sense, she would change the locks NOW and give him a bit of " tough love." The kid will live. If he has "friends" he will not be homeless but I hear your frustrations on the lack of cooperation here from DM.
well I'll probably just use
well I'll probably just use the key ;)..but your point is taken. Guess Im trying not to add fuel to the fire but then again, I dont want him to continue this behavoir. I know its very hard to reach anyone at this age. Of course DM mother is concerned if we take the hard line we'll drive him away, or even worst..thier school has had several suicides..so of course that looms over everyones head. But damn I hate walking around on eggshells.
Yes DM is my wife..sorry new
Yes DM is my wife..sorry new to the lingo
Yeah and she has admitted and apolgized for not stepping up. I knew when I married her that was her parenting style. But I respected some much more that she brought to the table that I over looked it. I realize being a single mother you had to pick your battles. But I guess now I/we are paying for that. But you right I think we need to try something else. If he's thinks he's so independent that go do it..we'll take back our car, phone, etc.. have fun..
Exactly. Don't feel guilty
Exactly. Don't feel guilty either. He will live. I've seen other parents do it before.
If he can lock one door, you guys can lock the main ones.
Another option is to draft up
Another option is to draft up a contract and have all parties sign it.
"Conditions on living here are"...yada yada yada
" If conditions are not met fully within (insert time) than you will have to find another place to live within" (insert timing.)
Dude, change the locks on the
Dude, change the locks on the house, TAKE BACK the car YOU paid for (it's a priviledge, not a right!), cancel the phone, and take his bedroom door right off of the hinges! Set up a plan for him to "earn" these things back.
When my daughter started to act up as a teen (as they all do) I reminded her that she was welcome to leave anytime she wanted, but to remember that she was not entitled to take a damn thing from our house. And, that she would probably miss things she really took for granted like toothpaste and toilet paper! She straightened up, graduated from high school, then college and is a productive member of society!
That would be funny..removing
That would be funny..removing the door..just to see his face would be priceless..but of course the XBox play at night..already the cause of several other blow ups thoughout the years would again be at the fore front..dont get me started on that issue..another blog all to its own.
Yeah, Im leaning that
Yeah, Im leaning that way..taking a harder line..contracts and the jobcorp info are great ideas. Thanks for everyones input. I will obviously share how this goes. Not sure what the latest is..if hes coming home or not.
You need to lay down some
You need to lay down some rules. Just turning off his cell phone may cause a little wake up. Your wife needs to stop enabling the kid. I was a single mom for years as well (First husband died when he was 6) and trust me my kid wouldn't get away with that crap. I expect Straight A's and yes I am very strict. When it is just you and the kid, you have to be hard on them or they will just guilt you. I have a great relationship with my son and he is fine. Do I feel guilty for having high expectations for him? NO. He can thank me for them when he graduates medical school. Be firm now, before it gets worse.
Well had just had the big sit
Well had just had the big sit down..was ugly at the start..prior to it had the wife agree that if hes staying, he will need to follow some clear rules of the house..But if he cant or doesnt agree he can go minus the car, cell phone, etc.. Shes just concerned he'd go enlist. Told her that was out of our control. Well started out very ugly..him yelling that I was bossing him around yelling all the time..even got the "your not my dad"..second time thats been used..he said he couldnt live with me etc..so after he got all that out..and we tried come to some undertanding of the original argument not sure if that was obtained but anyway..it was laid out. you stay, this is how its going to be..He agreed..so some peace for now..but in my mind I dont really think he bought in. Thinks hes just trying to get the pressure off. So we'll see.
The point of raising a child
The point of raising a child is to make them independent and self-reliant. How can that happen with mom's head up his ass. 4 out of 5 of our kids all worked their sr. year. My two did sports as well. the 1 out of 5 was loser ss17. BM ruined him.
It's time for mom to stop being a doormat and start being a parent. Suspend the phone line and yank the car keys. This kind of stuff gets their attention. Get the kid to make a plan for his future and start working his plan.
I really don't understand kids like yours and my ss17. It's like they are just feral.