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The top 3 'hot button' issues for the step-board

overit2's picture

Ok at risk of losing it and smashing the screen everytime I see these trolls names on the board lol-I must ask if anybody else has noticed the same thing.

There are 3 things that seem to generate a plethora of answers/debate/arguing. Normally coming from people that dont' understand the concept of 'one happy family' really doens't exist in a step-situation and then the accusations start flying and judgment. Hundreds of angry posts follow:

1. Photographs-anything related to photos, include skids, not, just couple, just the family, on and on...it's insane

2. Vacations- take skids, not take skids, how horrible we are for not taking skids and taking our bios

3. Clothing- who provides what to whom, who buys what, who doesn't return shit, who needs to and doesn't, etc etc on and on

Oh....I forgot 4th- whether to include kids in the wedding or not.

What is it about these issues that cause such uproar/controversy/anger/judgment.

It is just the same troll posters that have issues w/these things specificalyl and over the years have created all this drama, or do we all feel very strongly about these things so we bring them up ad-naseum?

Heres' my take-I don't do professional photos (nor do I bash those that do). Never have even w/my kiddos-I like normal snap shots. I have pics with just him and me and my bios. I have some of him/sd...I have pics of him and just my boys, I have pics of sd and my bios. I do NOT have pics of me and sd or all 5 of us, or just me and all skids.

I don't think it's intentional just that I'm normally the one snapping pictures. And I really could care less what others think.

Vacations-I've gone camping with sd and my kids and it went SORT OF ok. Though she did act a fool w/the competitive shit a few times. She heard me mention a beach vacation last year, I have not mentioned it again-but I have decided that I will be taking JUST my bios this year. If my bf wants to join us, fine but I"m not doing a 'family vacation'-we aren't married or engaged and she goes on multiple trips with her mother and family.

My kids and I haven't had an alone vacation in a few years and we deserve a good time w/out any fighting, competing, over crowded. Bf understands-I still don't know if he's even coming or not-but i'm going to have a good time regardless.

Clothing: I pack the boys bag, on ocassion I ask them to do it- but I normally manage it, after all I wanted the divorce and put the inconvenience on my sons of two places and transporting clothign and items and shifting around, they didn't ask for this-at minimum i should make it painless and own up to that decision and be responsible for it. My ex sends back clothes (unwashed-I think it's fine he's only there w/them 2 days). Sometimes he leaves things at his house. I dont' really pitch a fit unless it's something like an mp3 or game -I do ask him to double check that everything is packed-and IMO kids forget stuff and since we divorced we should be responsible to double check these things. I don't ask he buy stuff at his house, kids like their clothes and take back/forth. He has undies/socks there but I always send enough for the wknd-hence why I have to keep replacing it lol

SD packs her own bag to go to her dads, but that's because her mom has her well trained to do everything an adult kid would do since she was 5 and is too lazy to help her do shit. BUT it's made for a responsible girl. Sometimes she leaves stuff at my bfs and I get on him...hon, check the back seat of the car, she does everything else you can do a final check to ensure she has everything for going back to her moms. He agrees with me.

So there. Those are my thoughts.

Comments

caregiver1127's picture

I don't know if it is so much trolls as new members signing up and having the exact same problems that everyone who is here has - so I think instead of people reading over the board they just put their problems out their. And as they say in "your world your problems and situations are more important than anyone elses' " - I always tell people when they say to me "Wow you have it so much worse and I should not even be complaining" My response is: "yes you should because in your world what is going on is what is most important so vent away!!!"

overit2's picture

Ok wait, 5 hot issues...

The NAME issue lol. I can't STAND THAT. Because men screwed us from the getgo taking their name now women are up in arms giving eachother shit for taking the name, not taking, losing it after divorce, not losing it, new partners pissed, ex wives pissed, society tellings us what to do.
EVERYONE has an opinion about what a woman shoudl do w/her name- and we wouldn't ahve this problem to begin with if it wasn't 'rule' to become 'property of' when we got married way back in the day. I HATE what we have to go through about this which is such a personal choice.

Justshootme's picture

Wait a minute! (waving hand) We've got one more to add to the list. Don't forget mealtimes and all those wonderful battles with BioDad about what his precious little angels shouldn't have to even try. :sick:

Kenna's picture

I can see why some posts may be tedious for you to read, but as a newbie I appreciate seeing what others go through and seeing how it relates to my situation...so please don't stop posting about any topic, somebody out there might need to read it! Just skip the ones you aren't interested in, thank you Smile

overit2's picture

OH NO Kenna, I don't mean we will stop posting about them at all, as they are common issues we face.

I'm just saying these posts typically generate a lot of 'controversy' and 'fighting' and a greater number of responses and opinions and hurt feelings lol

Unfreakingreal's picture

LOL...Yes, these are all hot button topics, but you forgot the "CS being spent on everything BUT the children" issue! That was a real source of contention in my house. FINALLY, it only took 11-1/2 years, DH has stopped giving the BM anything extra. Anytime she calls, he says "I'm broke. Use the CS I sent you."

ctnmom's picture

Personally, I try never to be judgemental, rather give advice if a poster asks for it. I also hesitate to comment on issues that I myself haven't expierienced, e.g. I don't have a SD. If there's issues with girls I don't usually comment unless it's a "girl " thing and not a "step" thing, since I do have two DDs. That being said, it's a public forum, you have to have somewhat of a thick skin! I dislike the nastiness in some of the hot button posts though.

aggravated1's picture

Wait, until you are castigated for bringing it to Dad's attention. Then you are just trying to embarrass the kid, and the dad isn't responsible. It IS hard to keep up, some days.

aggravated1's picture

How about:

People who aren't in stepparenting situations, but have all kinds of opinions on something they have never experienced or know nothing about?

imjustthemaid's picture

I notice its been very hostile on here lately. Certain people who shall remain unnamed tend to post their opinions just for the sake of disagreeing and then starting a war!! I think we should just ignore them. Anytime I see a post that has about 50-100 responses I am like oh no here we go again. It does usually give me a good needed laugh though.

skylarksms's picture

Yeah, some people play devil's advocate JUST for the simple enjoyment of starting shit.

My DH used to do that too. Now he is on medication and is much better Smile

aggravated1's picture

Oh, they know most of us do ignore them. If you notice, they pounce on the new people, who don't know any better.