What a tough situation! From what you have described, it sounds like the real issue is your DH's lack of respect for you and your values. Unfortunately, you can't expect that to change. Have you talked to your husband (at a neutral point in time) about how is undermining and disregard make you feel? Only you know how much of this crap you can live with... but like I said, don't expect it to change.

BUT, you originally posted about the drinking... fortunately, my DH and I are on the same page when it comes to this, and we both believe that if you make it taboo, the child is more likely to rebel. We will not actively encourage or provide alcohol to minor children... I come from a family of alcoholics and know the effects first hand. Nether my husband or I drink very often (I may have a glass of wine with dinner, he may have a drink or two with the guys on occasion), and we were both raised in the same kind of home when it came to alcohol consumption.

Christmas dinner, new years, big family gatherings... if the kids would like to TRY something, like a champaign toast or sip of a drink in the safety of our home, I am not going to say no. Not going to ASK if they want it, but I am not going to make it taboo and off limits if they are curious. NO, you will never find me drinking WITH my child, let alone DRUNK with them (until they are of appropriate age, but even then it would be awkward)

I agree with youbetheparent. My husband does not drink often except when he is with friends where he takes one or two or on very special occassions. I dont drink my self and I would not like DH to drink with the kids or even show he is drunk in front of them. You need uto find a way or make one to talk to him when he is sober and in his right senses he is spoiling the kids and by the time the kids realise this it will be too late and they might even resent him and you for not chipping in even if you did. its their future at stake here.

I'm not sure I could handle this one so tactfully. I would have reamed that man a for giving MY bio kid a drink. Vodka no less!

I think its good that you took your bio son aside and talked to him calmly and rationally about alcohol, but I tell you what DH would have been torn a new one for that.

As far as his kid, I am not sure what you can really do. I will say if BM catches wind of any of this, she's likely to use this against DH and you all will get into trouble. Unless she doesn't care either. DH is a functioning alcoholic. You're not going to change that. His son is now being taught the same. Protect your kids and teach them right.

Hi there, I have a very similar situation. I too come from a family of alcoholics, my own father drank when I was a child. It was horrible, he was not abusive but it was just so sad at times. I looked at my best friend's father and on weekends they did things as a family. My father was in bed with a hangover. My BF of five years divorced his ex who is an alcoholic. Both of his children drink alot. His ex even drinks with his kids. Happy hours, beer festivals, all posted on facebook for the world to see. So when he turned 50 we went away for his birthday. The first day there the skids purchased liquor and started their drinking. The first night stepdaughter who started drinking at noon that day was so drunk she ended up in someone else's room and almost got arrested. Long story, you can read my other posts. Before we left on this trip he and the kids were looking forward to seeing how much they and bf could drink on this vacation. I don't drink. At the end they said we should do this again with your children. All I said to myself was "when Hell freezes over". I am with you on this I don't encourage my children to drink at all and fortunately I don't have these issues with them. They are 25 and 21 and yes they do drink on occasion, my son more than daughter but they are in school pulling honors and working so thankfully alcohol is not a part of their daily life. Also they live in different states so they have no contact at all with skids. I have tried to talk to bf about his encouraging drinking outtings with his children and I look like the nagging adult to him. I don't get it with these parents why do you want to encourage this in your child, especially when it runs rampant in their mom's side of the family. Their grandfather, uncles, cousins all alcoholics. I agree with previous posters you don't want to forbid it in order to make them then turn around and crave it more but it think doing it with a sixteen year old is way out of line.
My heart goes out to you. Luckily I don't live with my bf and I have told him I never will live with him and his skids. Can't do it. I lived that way as a child and I won't do it as an adult nor will I subject my kids to this. You're in a tough spot. If he is not on the same page as you I would just continue to do what you are doing with your children and keep reminding them of the effects of alcohol, etc. You can still be the responsible parent even if he isn't. Trust me on this he will be sorry one day. All my bf did was complaint how his son has no ambition, out of school for over a year and a half and still didn't have a job. I believe he also has other addictions too. SD is same age as my daughter who is graduating college this year and she still hasn't even completed her associates. Also some stupid excuse but meanwhile all her posts on fb are with beers in her hand. He will regret this one day, trust me. Stay stong and be the best parent you can be and keep talking with your bio kids. Good luck!

Well here it is illegal to give alcohol to minors, and the drinking age for everything (beer, wine and liquor) is 21. If you are charged with 'contributing to the delinquency of a minor', you can even do jail time for ex. providing alcohol for a teen party. even if you are present and it is at your own home.

Whenever there is a teen alcohol-related car wreck, the first question everyone has is, how did they get the alcohol, and they hunt down whoever gave it to them.

When I was young the age was 18 for beer and wine and people would buy it for us, and we did drink underage (bad I know). But now there are such consequences I have never bought alcohol for any minor. Btw, I was raised in an alcoholic home too.

What are the laws where you are??