You are here

Disengaging worked great to stem the tide...but...

MainelyaMess's picture

Submitted by MainelyaMess on Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:17pm

How do I deal with situations like family vacations, Birthdays and Christmas?

I feel like a real jerk excluding my skids whom I have disengaged from when it comes to celebrations and/or holidays.

DW wants to take everyone to the beach, waterpark and other places in the coming weeks. I don't want to go with skids as ss16 will just be a miserable jerk the whole time and I resent ss23 thinking he should not contribute financially to anything.

Birthdays are coming and of course, so are the holidays.

The "disengagement" has been for approx. 5-6 weeks and has worked wonders to reduce the stress levels, but this has me a bit concerned on best approach.

Simply not going seems "harsh" to BS8 who looks forward to these things every summer.

Should I just call a truce and put on the "happy face"? (seems to be my calling in life anyway)

Thanks for any insights.

Comments

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:28pm

I say, since your cool with you wife exploring other option, be cool with your step kids joining in the fun . Keep it loving like you feel with your wife. Hang loose.

Redredwine's picture

Submitted by Redredwine on Fri, 07/10/2015 - 7:10am

Disengaging works everywhere. You can still go to an event and not have to fall all over yourself to be "with" the skids.

MainelyaMess's picture

Submitted by MainelyaMess on Fri, 07/10/2015 - 10:01am

All good pieces of advice.

In hopes that some day the skids will at least recognize the effort and for my bs I will be "Sugar Daddy" and focus on the joy my son is having with everything.

It will be hard to put blinders on for the ss16 "dark cloud" attitude, but maybe a little vacation time will do everyone some good. Nothing like soaking up the sun to brighten up the day.

Thanks everyone

MainelyaMess's picture

Submitted by MainelyaMess on Fri, 07/10/2015 - 5:04pm

Thank you Sensei Biggrin

Looking from outside in will most certainly change my perspective on reality.

My personal mantra is "Reality is a matter of perception. If you can't change the reality, change the perception." Thanks for the reminder.

I can now grab the pebble from your hand! LOL