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Why does he row with me instead of her

Louisewedlockward's picture

I'm having a particularly shit day today!!!! I'll give you a bit of background - when I met my partner he told me he had nothing to do with his ex wife apart from dealing with his son - otherwise he would never talk to her! She had an affair they had been apart 9 months!! I fell pregnant within 2 months of us being together - he moved in with me - quit his job to do what it was he always wanted which is to play the organ, it would take a few months for him to be financially stable again he said - fine I thought I was financially secure I said I would support him and would pay his £200 a month child support!! 6 months into our relationship I find out that actually he still talks to his exwife a lot - we'd had a row and he had called his ex and told her everything used her as a shoulder to cry on!! Also when I was 6 months preg he told me that he wasn't sure the baby was his (surprisingly after a conversation with his ex)!!!!! I'm so frustrated - he treats his exwife with the most respect his son practically lived with us for our first year together as we had him 297/365 days!!! And yes nearly 2 years later I'm still paying the £200 a month child support!! I'm pregnant again, I had lots of kidney infections during my first pregnancy and was in hospital 13 times!! I am 12 weeks pregnant now 3 weeks I developed another kidney infection so I was straight to the doctors, got my anti biotics, and painkillers - I carried on working and was coping well with it!! Then it was our days to have his son, within 2 days we all had the sick bug that his son came with, he knew he was ill, his exwife knew he'd been ill, my daughter us 9 months old - what sort of mother sends a child with a sick bug into a house with a baby, well it put me in hospital for 5 days, the pain from vomitting and my kidney infection and the dehydration was exhausting, I came home from hospital on the Sunday afternoon and by Sunday night I'd started bleeding!! Turns out there were two pregnancies and I had lost one of them!!- it's 3 weeks on and I'm still bleeding and still in lots of pain!!! I really feel like my partner has a responsibility to me and should have told his exwife that he wasn't going to have his son for a couple if days - delay it till he was better!!! He says he doesn't want to argue with her - but he's more than happy to argue with me - I feel so let down - I had a really shit pregnancy last time and I told my partner when we found out I was pregnant again that this one had to be different and I had to feel that the family he has now is just as important as his wife!! I don't know how much more of it I can take!! Or even how else to make him understand how I feel, I've shouted, I've talked calmly I've written a letter!!! Help!!!

Comments

Louisewedlockward's picture

I may have the power to turn things around but I'm not entirely sure where or how to start!! And yeah I have 3 children now, 15,12, 8 months and pregnant again so I'm going to be steralized as the last 2 were definately not planned!!

skylarksms's picture

I don't even know what to say to you. I am absolutely furious with the lack of respect shown by your H towards you.

If I met you and he was with, I would punch him in the nose and not even blink.

Please visit a counselor. You need to find out why you would put up with this. I understand that he didn't necessarily "cause" your sickness but his lack of boundaries with his "ex" is very disturbing.

Louisewedlockward's picture

Do you think that I'm just kidding myself and he still has feelings for her!! I'm starting to think that I'm just convenient - a provider for everything whilst he does what he wants?! X

young_step_mom's picture

It is hard to say if he has feelings for her or not because I don't know enough about the relationsihp, but chances are if he was in love with her he would be with her -not you. HOWEVER his behavior is NOT ok and you need to put your foot down! It might be hard, but unless you make him change his attitude toward you nothing will change and you will be stuck w this loser!! I am not a fan of ultimatums, but in your case I think you may need to lay one on him!

Good luck and keep us posted!
p.s. congrats on your pregnancy Smile