I love my husband dearly. He is sweet, kind, funny, responsible and caring.

His kids 23F, 20M and 13M are (and I can’t believe I’m saying this about ANYONE let alone children, let alone the kids of a man I love, care about and respect) the most selfish, narcisisstic, indulged, rude, self-possessed a-holes I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting- especially the two older ones.
I don’t see them often and keep going into each meeting with a “this is a fresh start and opportunity for me to do better” mindset, but they’re just so immature and full of themselves that I always walk away with a stiff upper lip, but truely sad and hurt.

He’s doing the whole guilt thing his marriage of 30 years fell apart- it still took him almost 5 years to leave, even after she told him to and he still went back once or twice.

I don’t know what my husband expected. I guess I foolishly expected things to go on the same way they have over the years we were together before we got married.

It’s like he wanted a division line and he got it. It works for him, it definitely works for them but I feel unwanted and disrespected. And hurt.

It hurt that when he was in hospital for a surgery for almost 3 weeks, even though all three of his kids live in the same town, not one called, sent a card or visited (until one wanted to know what kind of painkillers he got and could they have some). It hurt me because it hurt him but he seems to be able to forgive and forget, but to me it just seems like he’s so close and so desperate for any little crumb that these monsters will send his way that he’ll give up his self-respect and the respect I have for him.

Between them and him, there’s such a wall, in my heart of hearts (boy, it’s easier to be honest with your emotions when you’re anonymous on line, lol) I don’t even care if I see them again.

I don’t feel any jealousy or possessiveness as far as other women or his friends; male or female, but I almost instantly feel defensive/envious/deserted/resentful/disrespected when it comes to his kids, partly, I guess, because I feel they’re all just using him.

He's decided to do a hail marry and pay to take them to AZ from NY next Janauary "to see his dad". Just family he says, so I'm not invited (although dad's wife/husband's step-mom will be because it's her house). These kids can't even cross town to see their sick grandmother (husband's mom) but if he's paying hundreds of dollars for them to have a free trip to Arizona, they'll take it. We have 3 different lawyers to pay for, are closing on a house this week, have all new furniture to buy since we don't have any now, plus have his alimony and support to pay, but he wants to put a few thousand dollars of OUR money (without asking me) into these rotten, selfish kids that could afford it themselves so that he can say "he tried".

I am feeling so horrible about this, I'm breaking out in a rash, have a constant headache/stomache ache, am having nosebleeds, etc. I've tried to calmly talk about it, ignore it...he says I'm being selfish and that I need to realise it isn't all about me.

Like I said, he's the most loving, fun, sweet, kind man I know. But these kids bring out the manipulated/manipulating, disrespected/disrespectful, selfish things that I never saw before. It really hurts to watch him and set him up to be consistantly emotionally raped by these monsters. The two oldest are the worst but even the youngest just has to put on a baby voice and say "you aren't mad are you?" and all is good. Sure, we'll re-arrange our schedule, why not? There is such a sense of entitlement for these cloistered, protected, spoiled kids and I get backburnered if and when they want something even though they can't bother to call to say thank you for a gift, a "hi- how are you?" or even, "I'm running late".

I've even gone so far as to try to watch "The Secret" faithfully and go to a hypnosis and counseling expert just to try to get over all the physical crap that starting to bother me.

I think I can take most of it, but this Arizona thing is really eating me (and the funny thing is, these kids are people I don't even want to be around at this point- I just don't like them as people). I would, of course, be around if he wanted me there, otherwise would just rent a car and let him do all the family things with his dad/kids alone that he wants. But to be specifically not invited, not wanted and rewarding these monsters with a trip when they've done nothing but hurt him (with part of MY money, no less and not even be asked about it!) is just eating at me.

Well, if you're still here, thanks for listening. Would love any feedback, lol.