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So. Upset. I'm. Shaking. - NOW WITH UPDATES!

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 1:47pm

Some of you may know that the BM in my situation only has supervised visitation with the boys b/c of her history of drug abuse. The supervising party is her mother. Today SS13 ran away from his grandmother's and went to his mother's house unsupervised. He won't leave and BM won't make him. BM is clearly in contempt of court but the Sheriff's Office here can't do anything about it. They say I have to talk to a magistrate. There's no magistrate in at the moment and no one to ask when one will be available. My lawyer will start contempt of court charges paperwork in the morning but in the meantime - BM has a history of drug abuse. And mental illness. And her latest live-in boyfriend has a history of violence. In fact, he has a court date in the morning.

I'm scared shitless here. If SS doesn't make it to school tomorrow a.m. we'll call the truancy officer as well but that's about all we can do. Just sit here. And hope he doesn't get hurt. This BM is shot-rabbit crazy. I'm pretty sure she won't shoot him and then kill herself too. I'm pretty sure. I'm the calm, it'll be OK sort. My DH is the freaker-outter. But I'm freaking out right now and if I let him know he'll probably go into some kind of stress-related conniption fit. BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE. I'm trying to focus on the silver lining here. She was wanting to go back to court to get unsupervised visitation but this sure isn't going to look good for her.

I haven't had a chance to go to the Dr. yet to get an Ativan prescription and I don't really drink so please send positive affirmations to me and any suggestions you can think of, dear Step-Talkers (and thank you so much for allowing me to use you all as a sounding-board/therapist/spiritual advisor).

UPDATE:

Thanks everyone for all your kind thoughts and great suggestions. We did have several viable options but decided to let things lie until we could meet with our attorney (ATTY) which we did this morning. The situation was severe enough for a judge to immediately sign a contempt of court order as well as an ex parte motion which prevents her or her family from seeing the boys until our hearing next Friday. The Sheriff's Office was then given the paperwork and $15 and promptly picked my SS up.

On a related note, while in our ATTY's's office, SS's school calls and says that his mother is trying to unenroll him there so that she can enroll him in the school in her district (even though she has NO custody rights). Our ATTY hopped on the phone and settled that matter right quick. And the dipshit BM showed up to the school with her boyfriend and my SS. No supervising party in sight. My ATTY was practically giddy at these developments.

You never know what can happen in a custody case and the judge we're going before gives a lot of weight to the child's testimony so we are cautious. The ATTY says BM's only hope is to prove that we are unfit parents and there is no truthful way that can be done. My SS13 will probably say all manner of things b/c by that time he will be on day 10 of grounding for possession of cigarettes. I just hope the judge will see through everything and see the truth.

ATTY advised us to start gathering items like report cards and contact info of character witnesses like the boys' counselor and their teachers. Anything else you brilliant STalkers can think of to help my case? And again, thanks to all of you that sent positive thoughts, prayers, and advice. This website has been a lifesaver for me and my family.

Comments

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:03pm

If we go to pick up the kid I can guarantee there will be a physical confrontation with the boyfriend who is in the Outlaws motorcycle gang. Which isn't one of those cute gangs. These guys commit murder and deal drugs. If we show up on her property somebody's probably going to shoot us. In our state the police will have nothing to do with it b/c it's a civil matter for judges and lawyers.

We tried to report it to the police earlier but they said they couldn't do anything and to contact the magistrate which I've been trying to do for 3 hours.

007Lostit's picture

Submitted by 007Lostit on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:05pm

I agree too. He is only 13. Go get him or have the police do it as a runaway. Good luck and keep us updated.

Asher10's picture

Submitted by Asher10 on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:08pm

guy is in a gang of murderers?someone will shoot you if you go pick up the kid who isn't supposed to be there in the first place and the police won't do anything? i'm sorry but that's messed up.i've never heard of the police not doing anything in a case like this.if you have the order proving he isn't supposed to be there,bm's mom needs to contact police and have an escort to bm's house to get the boy.
or leave him there.he wants to be there or he wouldn't have run away to her in the first place.

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:14pm

call the police get the paper work and have them escort you to her house and pick the kid up yourself :jawdrop: :jawdrop: that could make her lose rights all together

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:24pm

Yes, get the court order, call for a civil standby for custody issue and meet a sheriff's deputy at BM's house.

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:40pm

Got a response from our lawyer who says to calm down and let her hang herself by this Contempt of Court. He's probably fine. He's 13 and not stupid. Well, he's normal 13-year-old-boy stupid. If we allow this to continue then we'll be one step closer to her being banned from seeing the boys at all.

I'm just a normal mom who likes to go to work and hang out with the kids. I like to read and watch The Office. Today I've had to research Concealed Carry Weapon Permits in NC. A few months ago we had to come up with an emergency evacuation plan on how to get all the kids out of the house safely in case she and boyfriend came to our house and tried to forcibly remove the kids. My parents didn't raise me to handle all this drama. I am the calmest, most rational person I know and I just need to breathe and keep my eyes on the prize. He will, most likely, stay with her tonight. And we'll get the Contempt paperwork filed in a timely manner. This whore wants to take us back to court so she can get unsupervised visitation. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 3:29pm

I know Snarky. We'll more than likely leave him there tonight and let the court handle it. It will probably get very ugly, hence the research into the Concealed Carry Weapon Permit. It may be a necessary evil. I don't want anyone to get hurt but I'm trying to balance the fear for my DH and I with my fear of SS being in that environment. We've got a great dog, a great lawyer, and will soon have a home alarm system and the right to carry a weapon at all times. (I'm an anti-gun Democrat, WTF?) It may not save us but may give us a fighting chance. I hate to have to think about leaving the state. We just bought our dream home (hey - it's small and dingy but it's ours!) and I love my job. But this may be in the cards for us. And forgot to say THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS!

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:49pm

Can you call in to CPS and request a visit? Don't know how quick they would process that... Then once they get there, provide them with the paperwork that BM is not allowed unsupervised visitation. They should remove SS at that point and return him to you.

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 3:08pm

I hear ya Foxie, but it's for real. BM's last biker boyfriend is terrified of this guy and goes everywhere w/ a gun b/c he's so scared of what this guy and his friends will do.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 3:42pm

Jenstep I know the gang you are talking about and NO do NOT go there!!! I work in a club which is why I work nights and a lot of our customers love motorcycles and they all have told me that they are bad news. Plus they are not allowed in our club if they are wearing their jackets and their stuff that shows they are part of this gang. If they are not wearing them we don't know they are part of this gang for the most part. Anyway your lawyer is right let her hang herself. The boy is fine and will be fine. I understand why you are so upset by this but it will be worse if you go. Hang in there. ((hugs)))

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 4:01pm

Thanks Purp. It's just such a crazy situation for me. I'm a teacher who gets my jollies by playing Tetris. I am scared for my son (YES - he is my son. I've been the only real mother he's ever had!). I'm scared for my DH and I'm scared for the rest of my family. Sometimes I think maybe we just need to let the kid stay there forever in order to protect the rest of the family. BM will never want her younger son - he's too much work. But giving up on my older step son is not an option. He's my son and he has to be safe. She's a drug addict and is mentally unstable. Her boyfriend is a criminal with pending assault charges. Neither of them will make SS go to school. They will let him smoke cigarettes (HE'S 13!) They'll let him stay up all night long texting his girlfriend. He will never volunteer to come back home. He will have to be forcibly removed. Hopefully the Contempt of Court case can happen soon and have him returned to us quickly. Thank you for your thoughts and hugs. They are appreciated.

prayerhelps's picture

Submitted by prayerhelps on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 7:23pm

If you are in NC, and your child is a runaway, the cops will search for him. You have to fill out a report, and give description and where you think he may be. I would definitely do that, even if the cops do not get to the house tonight, it will be on record as a reported missing child, which would look even worse on BM, especially if she hasn't even contacte DH about it. Where in NC are you? I am in NC too, and have had to report 2x on my SD who ran away. Lot of fun

jenstep's picture

Submitted by jenstep on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 8:00pm

We're well aware why he wants to stay there. The supervising party (his grandmother) found cigarettes in his backpack right before he was scheduled to be returned to us and he knows that he is going to be in serious trouble here when he does eventually come back. So when it was time to be brought home to us he ran to his mom's where he's allowed to smoke and skip school and stay up all night watching movies and play video games. My SS doesn't think there's any danger @ his BM's even though her current boyfriend has a hearing tomorrow for a variety of assault charges, the last boyfriend was (according to her) a drug dealer, the boyfriend before that was addicted to pills, the alcoholic boyfriend before that made the boys sleep out in a car in winter while he and BM were comfy cozy inside, and the boyfriend before that molested SS13. And still SS13 thinks his mom would never allow him to be in a dangerous situation b/c he says current boyfriend is really nice. Which is exactly what he said about drug-dealing boyfriend. This boy will defend his BM til the death and do everything he can to prevent being returned to a home where he knows he's gonna face some serious consequences.

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 9:35pm

Actually, benadryl is a low powered antihistamine substitute for vistaril which they use to sedate surgical patients. It will make you relaxy and sleep with keeping away hives. I have been prescribed both for anxiety, but I have ativan that I use periodically. The benadryl just makes you sleepy.

In Texas, the police don't really help with child custody either, but you can ask for the civil standby. They will show up and keep the peace while you get your child.