Hypocrisy
So I totally forgot that I set up an account here, I think I just need a space to vent to someone besides my husband. Since I last wrote 3 years ago....where has the time gone??? My SD24 moved out about a year and a half ago first on her own, then she ended up moving back to TN when she ran out of money. My SS26, was in the Marines and got his girlfriend pregnant at his first and only base he was stationed at. After his 4 years in the Marines, he decided to move back home to TN from CA. His daughter had just been born a few months earlier.
My SS, said that he feels my husband wasn't there for him, but when he would call, SS would not answer the phone or BM would want to fight when he would call to talk to the kids. It seems that he is now in the same situation as my husband. His ex will not let him bring his daughter to TN without her being present. She wants him to pay for her plane ticket as well as their daughter, who is almost 3. He has been to CA to see her a few times since moving to TN with his mother and fiancee. His daughter still has not been to TN.
I just find it a little hypocritical...funny that now he is in the same situation as my husband was. Except instead of staying in CA and continuing to have a steady paycheck from the Marines, he chose to leave his steady employer (with health insurance for him and his daughter) and move because he didn't want to be sent overseas and not see his daughter. Shortly after moving back home, he reconnected with an on again off again girlfriend and now they are planning on getting married. I will say that he does work and has recently bought a house with his fiancee.
If it were only about being sent overseas, I would understand. It sucks, I spent two years in Europe and deployed twice and I don't even know how many times my husband deployed, at least 5 or 6 times. Now he lives across the country from his daughter but he's not seeing her any more than if he were overseas. I feel kind of bad that I am getting enjoyment that he has to deal with a not so great BM and his mother gets to see what he is going through as well.
I want to not care about any of this but it festers inside of me. Yesterday, I ended up buying both SS and SD a few items for Christmas and sending them to SSs house. I want everyone to have a good relationship and fix everything but I don't see that happening. I know there are also things that we don't know about their upbringing. They were both secretive children and I'm sure that their mother told them not to say anything about how they were treated by her revolving door of boyfriends.
Anyways, just trying to vent here. Thanks for reading.
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Comments
Full disclosure... I was raised by life long Expat parents.
My two younger brothers were born as Expat babies.
My DW and I went overseas as Expats for 8+ years.
My brother and his family were Expats for 12 years.
So, this whole cry baby bullshit about being separated from family... is just bullshit. IMHO. Yes it sucks. But, it is not anything that countless people do not do every F'n day.
My own son (My SS who asked me to adopt him) just reported to his first US assignment after 5 years in Europe.
So, this failed young Marine jeopardized his daughter's well being over emotion? Really?
This is life, those who fold fail. IMHO of course. SS is folding and likely failing.
meh
I am sorry that you are having to live all of this. I know it is hard.
Honestly this is my hope for
Honestly this is my hope for my SS18. I hope he knocks some girl up who is as HC as his mom. I hope he has to fight to see his kid. I hope that BM has to shell out $$ to help him get a lawyer because now she has to deal with a HCBM in her son's life.
I believe then, and only then will SS see what DH has had to go through. That you can be a good dad and still get shit on in court. That no good deed will go unpunished and it doesn't matter than you are the father, you are really nothing but a paycheck.
Your SS needs to get a CO so that he can take his visitation but if he is planning on marrying this chick, I understand why he hasn't yet.
It would be hard to let go of the resentment for me, so I understand why this is festering. You have been through so much over the years and still have to watch a trainwreck happening and aren't able to do anything about it other than swallow your feelings for this "family".
AMEN!!
AMEN!!
A long hard road
Good that you are sharing the burden.
I get how things fester. No one in real life seems to understand. I found writing it out here lessens the festering and stressing.
Sounds like things are coming around. SS is getting a taste of why what he is doing is wrong. Hopefuly he learns before damaging yet another child. I feel for the babies.
As much as we want these PAS
As much as we want these PAS shit skids to experience the same things our DHs did, I don't think it would make a difference. Skids won't realize that this is what exactly happened to our DHs and they will continue to deny that reality. They won't feel empathy or apologize for their contributions in our stephell. They will think their situation is completely different compared to the hell their BMs and they themselves put us through. Remember, Mommy Dearest can do no wrong.
Sounds like SS26 needs a CO for visitation and some solid boundaries when dealing with his BM. Although, if he voluntarily moved away and hasn't seen the child much in 3 years, he will receive a pittance of visitation at best, only emboldening BM to continue her HCBM behavior since she has majority control. He is in for an uphill battle.
This!!!
I get the hypocrisy fully. I live it. DHs kids did their best to make my life miserable for 12 years; shunning, purposeful setups, rude behaviors and words, etc. I was not allowed to be "grandmother" to the first grandkid which set a precedence for the next ones that arrived. But imagine my surpirse when two of DHs kids are with women who already have kids. They are stepdads. DH wasn't even asked....he was grandpa immediately to ALL kids. Zero recognition of what they did to me. Bigots.
Wow that is insanity. Your DH
Wow that is insanity. Your DH and you both have the same relationship to the step grandkids yet only your DH is allowed and expected to be grandpa, unbelievable. Once a villain always a villain!
Well stepDADs
Do get treated differently. They get the BM stamp of approval so little to no conflict there.
I always wondered too if PASed out skids would repeat the cycle and end up in the same situation as they dished out to biodad. In my case, OSS got married to a seemingly normal young lady. Then again I only know her from social media.
Don't think it would cause them to realize what they did or regret any of it. Especially not SDs.
I have never thought of it this way.
StepDads.....
They get the BM stamp of approval so little to no conflict there.
What a brilliant observation.
Thank you for pointing out that StepDads are chosen by mommy. The one put on a pedestal by nearly all kids including SKids.
Me included. My mom is awesome. She tolerates no shit from her sons, expects the best from us in how we treat our wives, and woe to us if we fail to meet her expectations in these areas. So far, she had not had to take either of us to the wood shed.
No big deal. Because I do not have SParents.
Thanks All!
Thanks for letting me vent! It helps that others get what I'm going through and can relate. I feel for my husband because I really do think that he did the best that he could for the circumstances that he was in. Thanks again!!