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Just celebrated 1 year weddin anniversary and am miserable! SD is 9 and spoiled as all hell!

Jada's picture

Submitted by Jada on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 7:54pm

My SD 9 lives with us and goes with her mom on the weekends. Her dad has pretty much raised her all her life. She is 9 and of course a daddy's girl. So sorry, but I have no bond or desire to bond with this child. She is spoiled, a simple whine gets her way! Last night I cooked spaghetti which my husband ate, my son who is 8 also ate, but SD9 refused to eat it. Got up and went over to her dad to say that she didn't like it. Now had that been my son, he'd be at the table staring at a bowl of spaghetti until he fell asleep. My husband of course got up and made her top ramen! What the hell!?? I wasn't just pissed I was also hurt. I'm so frustrated and can't stomach how he caters to her. I bite my tongue, but last night was more than I can take. When Thursday evenings come around, I am overjoyed because I know she will be leaving for the weekend. We are great when she is not around. But my mood starts changing as soon as she is set to come back home. My husband wants me to be her mother since he doesn't like her bio mom and feels I am a better example. But she has a mom and one she goes with every weekend! I am not nor do I desire being her mom. Truth be told, I'm waiting for her mom to wake up and step up as a mother and take her child back! Although I know my husband doesn't want that and would never let her go! I am just unhappy and it's not getting better.

Comments

Jada's picture

Submitted by Jada on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 8:02pm

Let me add that she is constantly in the middle of my husband and I. When it's bedtime I out my son to bed. All she has to do is claim to not be sleepy and my husband will plop her right on the couch where grown folks are. Hello?? She does has a tv in her room. I usually just disengage, hang out in our bedroom until I know she is no longer in the family room. Sometimes it ruins the mood for me so much that I just say f it and go to bed. I'm so pissed at him and how we spoils her and also how he seems to be oblivious to my feelings that I don't even wanna be touched. Mind you out sex life is suffering and here we are newlyweds!

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 8:21pm

My SS used to do that when we would walk he would walk in front of me so that he could be next to DH - I would first trip on him and then push him to the other side and told him finally knock it off - and he did but it took a little while for him to learn and DH also helped with it - he would tell him to walk on the other side as well.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 8:20pm

This if very common Jada especially in the first year of marriage - you need to wake DH and make him be a parent to SD and a husband to you. She should be in bed and if she is not tired then she needs to be in her room - it is very important that you and DH have time for yourselves which in a bio family usually happens when the kids are in bed. You need to put a stop to all of this - do you tell him this bothers you because if you don't he can't read your mind and you can't be mad if you don't tell him.

It is funny how our sex buttons get turned off very quickly when we see the men we love acting like a-holes and the men just don't seem to get it!!!

Couldawouldashoulda's picture

Submitted by Couldawouldashoulda on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 8:34pm

IMHO: Your problem is not the spoiled SD9, it is DH accomodating her. The chilluns will only do what you let them. Like Caregiver says, wake and make DH!

Jada's picture

Submitted by Jada on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:37am

Thanks everyone. Yes, I've spoken to him about it and he feels that they are just kids and you can't let them get to you. Basically saying, calm down, it's not a big deal. So clearly he doesn't get it and is not understanding that I'm me, I'm not him. So the bottom line is that it does bother me, period. So either understand that and do something about it or deal with my complete disengagement and 'tude for a few days. Im very emotional so it's almost impossible for me to fake anything, that's always been my weak point. So if I'm upset, hurting, or whatever it is, you are certainly going to know and feel that. Last night after the spaghetti issue, I was in tears and completely shut down. couldnt even eat. He knew I was pissed because he avoided me completely until later that evening when he came into our room and asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I looked at him like he was half crazy. To answer one of your questions, no he sad nothing to his daughter about the food. He just say there then got up a few mins later and asked her if she wanted noodles. Of course she did! Junk! Top ramen! I was so pissed. So there my son is sitting there in amazement like is this really happening (he's 8).
My DH thinks his child is a good kid and doesn't see that she is a brat!

Jada's picture

Submitted by Jada on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 1:26am

Yes, that's what hurt, his lack of damn enforcement. This was the first time she isn't like an entire email outright. Usually it's a side dish, like the vegies. Instead if him saying, eat those vegies, he turns into a mute. I'll tell her to eat them anyway, they're good for you and it's not like there's a whole bowl of vegies. But he won't enforce it, yet he sees how I am with my own child and how I respond to him when he pulls that crap. Our parenting styles are just different!

anicole's picture

Submitted by anicole on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 2:04am

My step daughter is like that. Spoiled rotten by Daaaaadddddyyyy, as she blinks her little eye lashes. She can't stand for him to pay attention to me. She has behavior problems, and while his disciplining has gotten better, she can still play us against each other. I wish her mom would grow up and realize that she's her responsibility like in your situation. I don't want to be this one's mother, although I do love her to death, I just wish they'd quit letting her get by with everything because "she's reacting to her situation. grr.... I feel your pain. Recently due to our situation, every other Thursday is my happy day to, she's going with her "mother" for the weekend. That means time for me and my honey, with out a 4 year old pushing us apart on the couch.

Jada's picture

Submitted by Jada on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 2:31am

I honestly can't wait for her to go and on occassion when she doesn't go (the mom has something planned) I will make plans without my DH just so I am away from the house and don't have to be around it. If it was up to my husband she would never go with her mom. But in my opinion, being a mother myself, she should be with her mom and as she grows she will need her even more. I don't want that role.