Money train coming to an end....
DH pays $200 a week in CS for SD soon to be 21. She turns 21 in 3 months, at which point the money train will come to a screeching halt. He has not seen SD in about 6 years. She used to come EOW and then just stopped coming.
Good riddance! I think she calls him every once in a blue moon, but I haven't heard either way. SS28 hasn't visited in over 7 months. He does stay in touch with his dad and he and I have a decent relationship. I cannot WAIT until BM gets the shock wave of losing that check.
DH and I have been together for almost 21 years, we met days after SD was born. It was hell, for a very long time. We are at the homestretch. Hang in there Steppies!!! It DOES end!!!!
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WOO HOO!!!
Freeedooooommmmm! Getting the BM off the payroll is fantastic!! Two of the ferals have aged out here and the last one was 18 early January. I have a count down clock. Too bad some of these BM-centric states don't stop it at 18 like most of the SANE regions.
OMG you have NO IDEA, I
OMG you have NO IDEA, I thought this day would NEVER come. We are in NJ but CS case is in NY - they go until 21.
We are in NY and just
We are in NY and just finished paying CS for SS21 in January. It's awesome! No more legal entanglements with BM, and 1K more per month for US.
I wonder how soon after the
I wonder how soon after the checks stop will SD21 suddenly want to forge a relationship with her father again. She stopped coming around after I put my foot down and made him stop funding all their shit - despite paying BM all that money DH was paying for EVERYTHING. It almost caused our divorce.
I expected some acting out
I expected some acting out from BM - so far nothing.
Congrats!
My assumption would be a few months to a year after the $ run dry where SD will try to re-insert herself into your lives. Have your DH read this site while he's still distant. I hope he doesn't fall for it.
But otherwise - congrats, enjoy, and something fun for yourselves!
Congratulations! I had no
Congratulations! I had no clue until I joined this site that some states require support until age 21. That's crazy to me. They are legal adults so why is one parent still financially funding the other parent. I mean if they absolutely had to continue paying support shouldn't it go directly to the adult child?
Yes, it should. And it should
Yes, it should. And it should be contingent on that kid making some effort at life - work, school, SOMETHING. I get that kids don't stop having needs at 18, but the way it's done now is just a recipe for HCBMs to make their kids dependent to keep the checks coming in.
Yes, HCBM's condition the
Yes, HCBM's condition the kids to be like that from the start. That's where the entitlement comes from. Then they will forever play games to weasel funds from their fathers when they are off the payroll.
Thankfully my DH has never
Thankfully my DH has never given them one red cent above what he was ordered, so BM doesn't even bother trying.
I WISH that was the case. My
I WISH that was the case. My poor DH was such a punk for SO MANY YEARS!!!!! He felt GUILTY saying no, because "it's for the KIDS." I really would rip into him over it. Like I said, it took YEARS and YEARS to break him from that habit.
Same here
Chef VOLUNTARILY overpaid CS. Kept letting the CS add on and on and on with this extracurricular, that "out of pocket" expense, had her own BM forge daycare receipts, overpaid twice over for the braces, you name it. Chef must have had SUCKER painted on his forehead. Buuuut, buuutttt the chiiiiiiiiillllllllllllldddddddddrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeennnnnnn!
Meanwhile the ferals would show up in rags and take every last piece of clothing, toy, you name it back to the Girhippo's never to be seen again.
translation: line the BM's pockets whilst she picks the next sugar daddy.
Yup, mine too. He presently
Yup, mine too. He presently pays "extra" monthly for his portion of her "catholic school." A school she hasn't attended since she was 14. And a school that BM forged the tuition bill for. He refused to go back and get it adjusted because he started making more $$ and they would have raised the CS again, so he took the loss and left it alone. Can't say I blame him, anything to not give that witch more money.
OMG I just had flashbacks of
OMG I just had flashbacks of the rags!!! She would send them BOTH in clothes that were too small. I would wash them, and send them right back with them rags on. I got tired of never seeing the beautiful outfits I would send them home in. They would be forever lost in the black abyss of her messy ass house. Eventually, I just stopped and would dress them nice when they were out with us and send them home in their rags.
We must have the same HCGUBM!!
Even YSS (the HousesHitter) would say as a toddler "shoes are too tight!" She was too busy internet dating and trying to select the next walking wallet to pay attention. We had NO money for feral fancy stuff so eventually I took the reins and bought garage sale lightly used clothing, also putting generic brand foods into the brand name packages as they were eating MY salary down to nothing. Chef wanted nothing but the best for his ferals... of course using MY money.
Ugh, no. BM here has always
Ugh, no. BM here has always made more than he does, so he let her pay those extras. She never even asked, really, she knew. lol.
The only "extra" my husband
The only "extra" my husband did was split her soccer registration cost ($35 each) and bought a few outfits for SD to take to her mom's for the new school year. Other than that she didn't get anything extra. My husband never gave extra but she sure as hell tried with several made up stories. She even went as low as to take SD's birthday money and gift cards because she needed it to take care of SD. We stopped letting SD take it home after learning that.
Yes, it should go to the
Yes, it should go to the adult child. But in our case, it has always gone to BM and she ALWAYS told her kids that their dad was a deadbeat. Until I showed the Skids the CS statement. BM did NOT like that one bit. Because when SS asked her for something and she told him "ask your dad, that's his responsibility" SS asked her "but where is the money he sends for us?" LOL...OOPS.
Ye Olde Chestnuts
"your dad is a DEADBEAT!!!" "I do it ALLLLLL on my OOWWWN" "your dad doesn't pay for ANYTHING!" "ask YOUR DAD for money because I don't get any from hiiiimmmm"
YUP!!!! "I don't need no man
YUP!!!! "I don't need no man to take care of mine, I GOT DIS!" Those are her favorite meems. Bitch, you for sure need MY mans paycheck!!
Yep
the "strong independent woman" routine LOL She brainwashed SD (The Animal Torturer) into believing that.
I did this too! SD was
I did this too! SD was telling me the saddest tale of BM struggling all her life to take care of SD on her own. She said "she doesn't even have money ($10) for my field trip because it's more important to have a hot meal every night". Lmao I just said "you know your dad pays your mom several hundred dollars every month that is solely to take care of you". BM was not happy.
You will be hearing from SD about September
More contact with SD coming soon.....
I don't doubt it, but I am
I don't doubt it, but I am hoping that after 20 years he has finally figured out that his kids (specifically SD) only considered him an ATM machine and nothing more. There was no prouder moment then when I heard him tell her - "No, ask your mother, that's what I pay CS for." That was 6 years ago.
Well I just decided to look
Well I just decided to look (after years of not wanting to know) to see how much DH pays BM for CS and Alimony. I wish I hadn't!! He pays $2,900 a month! And has 16 more months to go!!
OUCH...My DH never married
OUCH...My DH never married this ho bag, so I had that going for me. He used to pay 1200.00 a month in CS but SS moved in with us when he was 16 and they lowered it. She was not happy about that AT ALL.
Chef was paying ALL of his salary
direct deposit BEFORE the CO was signed out of pure false chivalry and living off of relatives. She convinced him he OWED HER HIS ENTIRE SALARY FOR LIFE!!!
Then he was bringing home about $60-100 a week after taxes and ginormous CS.
Can't wait till January 2024!!!!
That's awful. I remember
That's awful. I remember telling DH once (maybe 15 years ago) "So I work to pay our bills and you work to pay hers. So maybe you should go back cause at this point, it's cheaper to keep her." It was a long, rough road. I am so happy to be done with that chapter of our lives. I'm already planning a mega vacation with that extra money.
Same exact words here
Especially when Chef would give her all the power and kiss her and the skids asses. "Exactly WHY did you break up?"
As some other blogs have pointed out, we SMs have to CLAW our way to the "Who to fear first" list.
What is the basis for alimony
What is the basis for alimony? In my state alimony is extremely rare. I've only known 1 person who received alimony and they were not wealthy by any means.
I have no idea. All I know is
I have no idea. All I know is my DH had to pay his ex half the length of their marriage. Actually more. They were married 17 years and he had to pay eight years of alimony which ends the second child support doesI
he told me once he could've try to make it less years for the alimony and instead of eight make a five but I swear to God I don't think he even tried. It was like these men just roll over and hand their balls over to their ex-wives!!! what kills me is she's younger than me perfectly healthy and has a job! And she had one towards the end of their marriage I think. Either way she didn't work for Exemouth of years because she was taking care of their child. It wasn't like they were married 50 years and she's never worked a day in her life. Oh and I'm talking about the south so they're a little bit fucked up when it comes to alimony I guess
OMG
In California if the marriage was longer than 20 years then alimony is permanent.
My SO will have to go back to court to have it modified even for retirement at age 65. Completely insane that these lazy arse women just sit back and collect checks. It's not the 1930 s anymore. If you choose to stay home them get a pre-nip that says the guy understands what he's getting into. Otherwise it should be no more than 5 years IMHO. Stupid otherwise. Off my soapbox now.
I am so thankful that DH and
I am so thankful that DH and I will be 39 and 37 respectively when CS ends and that any biochildren DH and I have together will be under the age of 8 when SS ages out.
DH pays BM close to $800 per month for SS9, which I know isn't as much as some others, but DH doesnt make all that much. After taxes and CS, DH brings home around $900 for a two week period with 20 hours of overtime. BM makes almost double what DH makes and is with her GF who makes around $150k. They live a very lavish lifestyle and BM tries to nickel and dime DH for everything, but DH doesnt give into it. He pays his court ordered monthly CS and that's it. BM hates it.
I have often felt that I pay our bills, while DH works tons of hours to pay BM's bills. I am all for CS and DH paying to support SS, but I'm not for BM alienating SS and withholding visitation just to maximize CS.
Only 9 more years!
I am sure SD will want
A relationship with her father when the money stops. Give it two months.
Oh I forgot to mention that
Oh I forgot to mention that on top of the $2,900 a month he will end up paying for a totla of 8 years he has also paid for her private Christian school (about $5,000 a year for 12 years) and her slack ass goal is to go to community college and get an associates in something. What a waste of a private education!
Congratulations on cutting the $ cord.
We are on the CP side of the blended family equation. We never needed the money, a pittance though it was for 10+ years (110/mo then 133/mo) though it did go up to $785 for two years then down to $385 for 5 years, so when SS aged out from under the CO at 18 it was not an issue for us at all. We were releived that he was no longer forced to swim in the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
They seemed to be of the mind that if they were paying that they were going to get their money's worth in abuse, vitriolic crap, manipulative bullshit, and PAS jollies with us and SS. Even though they had only long distance visitation. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring).
The sad part is that once SS aged out they stopped all contact with us and focused on manipulating him. He shut that crap down in a hurry though he did cave to their whining and let them off the hook for 4 more years of CS paid directly to him as a full time student. The CCAF (Community College of the Air Force) is an accredited institution and he could have kept them on the hook for $385/mo paid directly to him until his 22nd b-day. All while working full time and earning a decent income.
But... we raised him to be respectful and empathetic so he caved to their whining. Much to the disappointment that was to my vengeful heart.
Ahh hah! Just had an epiphany. When they next beg him for money to help bail out his jail bird younger half sibs he can tell them to take it out of the $18,480.00 he has already paid them by voluntarilly donating 4 years of his CS ($385/mo) to the care and feeding of the three younger spawn.