Stressssssssss
First time entry....just stressed. I am a widow, after a very successful and loving 23-year marriage. I have one child, college graduate, successful, works, supports herself, and owns her home. I am in a relationship with a divorced man with two grown children. Over the past 5 years, I have seen his grown children treat him with incredible disrespect (not tolerated in my world!). The SD dropped out of school, and lives off of our taxes in a trailer along with her two children and baby daddy. Because she feels she is "entitled" and DH's family totally enables her, I have little or no realtionship with her. SS and I had a pretty good relationship until recently. He brought a friend to dinner who proudly announced that she receives food stamps/welfare (even though she is single and working a VERY good job). I started to ask her why she thinks the taxpayers should support her, etc. etc. when SS jumps up and decides it's time to leave. (this is where I should mention that SS shows strong Bi-Polar Tendencies and we constantly walk on egg shells so as not to agitate him) My child treats DH with the utmost respect (as she was taught). She expects nothing from either of us and our visits are always good. I am to the point, with the step-children, that I'd, sadly, rather lose the man than put up with the crap I have to deal with each time we visit. (We live in my home and I am compeltely self-supporting, I ask for nothing monetarily from him) As the "step-mother", how do we stop the constant enabling of adult children who know how to push the "guilt" button on their divorced parents? I have never seen anything like this.
- Eyes Wide Open's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Eyes Wide Open, you need to
Eyes Wide Open, you need to run in the opposite direction. This enabling situation is not likely to change. You need to decide if this guy is worth supporting both his kids and all their welfare spawn, because that will be your life if you marry him.
Unfortunately in Obama's America, it is no longer embarassing or shameful to mooch off others, expect others to pay your mortgage, or expect others to bail out your failing business. And a lot of divorced parents (men and women) are excellent enables to the new "entitled" generation.
I have 2 self sufficient college grad kids, 1 self sufficient college grad stepkid, and one homeless bum that my husband finally quit helping.
Good luck
Nellie
Nellie, Thanks so much for
Nellie,
Thanks so much for your post. You know, in the very beginning, after meeting SD, my instincts were to "run, run like the wind"! But, I was trying to give his kids the benefit of the doubt. I am an educated person, and am NOT closed minded. I actually thought I could help by being the "stable" person in their lives. DH is a good man, but truly has no parenting skills (his wife left him AND the kids when they were very young) and avoids confrontation like the plague. I've purchased beautiful gifts for the children of SD, remembered them with little tokens on all of the holidays that are not traditionally "gift" holdiays. I've made improvements to the home of SS (he's in a rent-to-own situation with DH). I've looked the other way (and bit my tongue HARD!!!) when they treat DH with disprespect and/or are completely rude to him in public. You know, I have a large group of friends and am fairly successful in my job, so I don't think it's MY social skills that are lacking. I'm just so tired of hearing about their sex lives (yes, they talk about this in front of their father just to torque him off!), how broke they are (get a J...O...B...!), etc. etc. As I said, he is a good man, but short of him living two completely separate lives (one with them and one with me, our friends and "our" family), I'm not sure this will work.