I called the police on SD12
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Money has been so tight that the phone, cable, and internet have been turned off.
As for my SD12 a week and a half ago we had to go to school for her IEP (special education evaluation) for next year. So we found out ALOT! I seems SD12 has been a demon from hell for the two months she's been going to this school They had four pages typed of the crap she had done. Everything from putting a boy in a headlock, to throwning chairs in the class room. Every one on the teachers was there and every one of them had problems with her. For this she was told she would have to do the dishes by herself for two weeks.
Then Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week she got in fights on the bus. They kicked her off the bus for the rest of the week and told us that next year she has to ride the special ed bus. The punishment for this was to be two weeks of chores. You know the spring cleaning type chores. Instead Wednesday night she went crazy! She was throwing things and treatening me and her sister SD11. So I called DH at work and he said to take all her things and put them in our room. That she could have them back when she learned to behave. That made it worse. She then tried running away.
We ended up having to call BM and BM told her that if she could behave till Saturday that BM would come get her and let her move back in with her, but if she wouldn't then she wasn't allowed at her house either. BM and I had a long talk for the first time in five years. It seems that SD12 has been at this for about 4 years now. She was even about to be expelled from her last school for hitting a teacher and throwing a chair.
After we got off the phone with BM she was calm for about 20 minutes then she started up again. Wanting me to call the police to come get her and wanting to run away. A talk with DH got her calmed down enough for the night.
Then yesterday DH said not to send her to school b/c of the school party. That she didn't deserve to go. She was fine all day and stayed in her room until SD11 came home. SD11 had won a contest in school and had been given $30 to spend in the school store. Then I gave her a message from DH that he was taking SD11 fishing this weekend. SD12 went wild again! This time throwing her sister's stuff, trying to distroy her new bed, and hitting me. I slapped her. I even told the police that I had. That little shit was throwing things at me and jammed my thumb too. The palm of my hand is purple. Then she desided to run away again. She was being so violent that I feared for SD11 and my safety. She was distroying the whole house. Then she ran outside and I tols SD11 to lock the doors behind me and stay inside.
Once outside SD11 started distroying the yard and throwing rocks at my head. I called DH and told him I was calling Social Services. Social Services said to call the police. The police came out and placed unruley child charges on her and made her promise not to throw anything else and left.
She has a court date sometime during the next month and DH well have to go and sit with her and I'll be on the other side for pressing the charges. The police said that most likely she will get probation and possibly community service. The police also said that in the state of Georgia that using and belt and slapping a child is leagal and told me where to go buy a police issue belt so I could "beat the hell out of her".
DH came home today and that little ass kisser had her room clean and has been all "yes sir, no sir to him" Like she's so sweet that butter wouldn't even melt on her. DH said her was going to spank her but had to calm down first so he wouldn't kill her. Now SD12 has been kissing ass all day and he admitted he didn't have the heart to do it. I looked him straigh in the eye and said "I'll be damned! You'll either do it before bedtime tonight or I will" He promises he will do it.
As far as SD12 goes I'll have nothing else to do with her. She keeps trying to kiss my butt to but it's not happening. I told her it would be a cold day in hell before I ever did anything for her again. That little shit has blamed all her problems for the past three years on me. And she told the police she wanted to live with her Daddy but wanted them to make me go away. She also told DH it was b/c she was mad that he didn't ask her permission to marry me five years ago, excuse me!
I told her that her only problem is that it's always someone elses fault that she misbehaves. That she needs to own up for her actions and accept responcibility for what she does. I also told her the next time she touches me I'll lay her flat and I told BM that too. DH even told her that the only thing I did wrong was the fact that she still had teeth.
After today she will NEVER! be alone with me again. DH is not thrilled that he has to take her with him in the truck either. Oh well she not my kids. SD11 will be staying home with me though. She minds me most of the time.
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honey...
You need to get this child in to see a psychiatrist and even an institution. She is SCREAMING for help. She is lost, confused and obvious defiant. This isn't just a bad case of 'misbehavior'. Hang in there.
“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.”
The only thing I can say is
OH MY GAWD!
What the
Wow. Has she said what is wrong with her, why she is doing all this? Unless she has been secretly abused or something, I think she is just trying to control everything in her own way, but that is obviously not working, so she will have to pay the price for not conforming. I do not blame you for refusing to be alone with her.
But - it is better to get slapped down by authority now than when she is an adult and can really get thrown in jail! although I guess if she continues she may be sentenced to something, or committed to a mental straightjacket place, maybe if you tell her that it will scare her enough to calm her down.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
Call social services again.
Ask for a referral. She definitely needs some serious help and so do you.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I agree
with Georgia and Retired. This isn't just a child misbehaving. That girl gots problems!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Holy Crap! I am so sorry
Holy Crap! I am so sorry you had to go through all that. Your SD needs serious help.... Wow...
sorry, but this situation makes mine look like
a walk in the park. i feel like an ass for even complaining about SS sometimes! wow. good luck my friend. i hope she gets some counselling soon ...
Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.
Oh man...
I am SOOOOOOO headed right here.
My heart is with you Sky. I don't know how I will survive five more YEARS like this.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks
she might be bipolar!
she might be bipolar!
This will only get worse
I'm so sorry! Sounds like a case of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) to me. This will only get worse and you have to prepare for it.
I have a friend with a 12 year old daughter going through this very situation right now. The kid runs the house and is completely out of control. After having the cops out numerous times, my friend pressed charges of assault & battery in court, and the kid is on probation. The judge told the kid and her court-appointed lawyer (yes, they get one)that if her mom has to press charges again, the kid goes upstate to the juvenile detention facility for three months. It's just a matter of time.
My friend has had to quit her job just to deal with all the psychiatrists, school personnel, social workers, and court dates. She filed a CHINS on her kid, which stands for Child In Need of Services. That's important because it allows for special services and also speeds up the process of getting the kid into a juvenile or mental facility in the future.
I recommend that you find out all your options from the police and court system. Then file the appropriate paperwork. You need to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst with your SD12.
Oh my
I didn't see this until this morning. I hope your weekend was better. I agree with what the others have said about counseling if you guys can swing it. I know when my bkids were younger and I was as poor as a church mouse so I took them to a counselor at the county mental health office. We went weekly and it really helped them and they charged on a sliding scale so I could afford it myself.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
No nothing is better
At first my DH was backing me up and now he's backing her (SD12). I've been giving her hell since it happened. I told her that she's made everyone elses life hell for three months she's going to get hell for three weeks.
DH took her out in the truck with him this week and now he's kissing her butt. Acting like I'm the problem. DH and I have been in a constant fight since all this happened too.
I'm sick and tired of it. I don't have to put up with it and I won't be the scape goat! I wrote DH a letter telling him this and that after the court date I would be leaving. That I love him and will always love him. And that the next time when she does it again and hurts someone then he can find someone else to blame.
I've been crying non stop at night when no one can see me. My mother is sending $50 so I can get out of there and come stay with her and I'm going to do it. This is no longer a marriage. It him (DH), her (SD12), then SD11 and then me when he wants sex. He says he loves me but I no longer beleave it.
I've never believed in divorce but this is no marriage. I probably won't divorce him either. just leave...
As for her needing help I've told DH over and over. I even called and talked with the hospitals. They want to do it out patient. I told DH that too and that's where it died. He hasn't called the insurance for a referal and hasn't done anything else either. I'm also looking into reform schools.
I told DH I would stay if and only if he does something about her.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
I am so sorry
I am so sorry, Sky. You are doing the right thing to protect yourself from this monster SD12. She is running the house and her father, and she damn well knows it.
Nothing like rewarding your out-of-control brat for bad behavior. Dole out that extra love and attention--and add in a few gifts and money too! Practically guarantees that the behavior will continue and most likely escalate.
In my own life I've had to get in my DH's face and literally yell, "THIS IS NOT OK!!!!! THIS IS NOT OK!!!!!!" when his out-of-control teen brats acted out toward me. I am not a yeller, and am not a hysterical crier, but I sure was then.
I asked him "Would you let a stranger do to me what they did?" He immediately said no. Then he quickly added "But they are FAMILY...." like that excuses anything.
I looked at him and said, "Do you know how CRAZY you sound? Are you telling me that it's OK for your FAMILY to abuse and disrespect your wife?"
Uh, no.
"Because if it's OK for your kids to abuse your wife and you reward their actions, then tell me now, so I can pack up and get out."
DH admitted it's not OK. That was the first of many conversations (rants)that followed. DH was so torn by his own sense of guilt that he created such losers that it was hard for him to see clearly.
I strongly recommend that you seek counseling from a counselor that specializes in at-risk and violent teens. Yes, the counseling will start with you and your DH, but it's a teen that is ripping your marriage and family apart. The more you and DH learn, the better you'll be able to deal with the situation.
You are not alone! Many, many other families (including mine) have been right where you are. It sucks, REALLY sucks.
Holy Crap
I hope your husband gets his head out of his ass real fast. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. HOW DARE THAT KID HIT YOU! He should have spanked her behind and locked her in her room w/no priveliges for a month - remember in the old days when we were kids this would happen if we even talked back to a parent. I can't give you any advice that hasn't already been posted here but please take care of YOU.