Welcome to the board. You are definitely not alone.

First of all, you do not have to love the skids. Let yourself go from that. You may eventually learn to tolerate them, but love is not necessary.

Second, your DW is wrong in that all 12 y/o's are like that. My parents did not allow my brother and me to raise our voice to them, slam doors, or any of that nonsense.

Also, yes my claws would come out if someone attacked my child. However, I don't think my child is so special that I think she is perfect. Does your wife make silly excuses for her kid's bad behavior?

Last, I think you should cut off the gravy train to SD23. If she wants to have babies and play house, she should do it without your money.

i also have two sd, 13 and 10, they bicker at each other all day and the small one always gets her way with mamma, but i remind them not in my house, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt..fortunately bm doesnt say much about it bc she seems to have the same problem but i do feel your pain...sometimes i can't stand them....if i did half the things they did when i was younger my mom would have smacked the crap out of me....somedays i cant wait till they leave and then i feel guilty about it....idk...you are not alone by any means sometimes all you can do is talk to someone who can listen like a therapist, they dont judge and it makes a world of difference...xanax helps to...lol....somedays i just want to leave and never come back, its a daily struggle and its very hard...i love my husband more than anything and i wonder if this is worth it sometimes...now we are expecting a baby...we shall see how this turns out...venting here and having support helps alot bc you dont feel alone...good luck

Honestly, I'd be more upset about supporting the "Adults" who have moved out of the home. As for the 12 year old, the mood swings and life not fair - yes normal. The tantrum behavior - well if it wasn't okay at 5 I don't see why it should be now.

Our rule is simple, if your mood and attitude is less then civil you can take your bi%#@y self to your room where you are the only one you can inflict it on.

Feel free to vent & I would talk to DW about setting up a hard & fast rule to deal with the 12 going on 5 year old.

Teenage girls are a little bit of a pain in the butt! You need to think of some consequences for her when she behaves this way and you need to let your wife know, that although it is NORMAL for her, seeing as she had two older kids... This is new for you (yours are younger)... You haven't had to deal with teenagers yet and tha tyou need more help and support, and understanding. Let her know tha tyou don't feel the behaviour is appropriate and tha tyou do not want your kids to mirror that behaviour when they get to be that age.

Good luck

Agreed moodiness is extremely common in teenagers, but you should have some consequences for tantrums. Otherwise, your children could duplicate this behavior as they get older as an acceptable outlet for their rage and frustration. Give her a special pillow to scream into or a physical activity to work out that aggresion so she can have a normal conversation instead of running off in a fit which doesnt solve anything for anyone.
Also it may be a bit much to help the oldest SD, considering shes got her own kids now...Though I would help the grandkids-diapers,clothing,school trips. I hope youre not just putting money in her hand to spend however she sees fit considering shes not working and likely leeching off his family.
Def have a convo with your wife about the starttling behavior where you explain youre not used it to and you sure dont like it- like a previous post said 'tantrums arent ok at 5, theyre not ok now'. this way you can discuss ways to combat the tantrum and present a unified decision to present to SD about her behavior. Good luck!