Hi this will probably be long winded but I am desperate for advice.

My SO and I took his kids and my two younger children for a family camping holiday to an island off the coast of our state. My 3yo bio daughter pulled a pot of boiled water off the camp stove all over herself resulting in horrible burns to her legs. Her and I were taken by helicopter to our states major hospital where she was admitted for treatment. The following day she got really sick spiking fevers vomiting and diahorrea. She kept getting sicker and sicker and her bio father and I were finally told she had developed toxic shock syndrome (or sepsis). They were unable to tell us if she would be ok as TSS can often be fatal. She was confused, delerious, in and out of consciousness etc. During this time I did not want to leave her side wich meant that I was in the hospital with her bio dad while my SO was at home with the other kids. SO was also coming and supporting me in the hospital when bio dad was taking a break. MY SO and my ex don't get along for the most part. They mutually dislike each other so for both of them to be in the hospital was not a good idea. My ex and I are still halfway through a family court saga to finalise custody arrangments for our two little kids.

I have had a tough time of getting along with my ex as he feels he is a "better parent" and the kids would be better off with him. My daughter having an accident whilst in my care has not helped these issues! However there was a big change in how my ex and I related to each other when our daughter was so ill. We didn't touch or comfort each other but we got along and focussed only on our little girl. When we needed to talk to each other we did so civilly and always with her at the top of our agenda. My SO (while my daughter was still ill in the hospital) started having fits at me that he felt like an ïntruder in my marriage"and that I had things I needed to sort out with my ex. I have been separated from my ex husband for 2.5 years. This is the longest amount of time I have spent around him in that time. I had and have no intentions of rekindling anything with him, I do not love him, I love my SO. However my daughter being so ill and her being the common focus of my ex and I sent my SO mad. I am hurt and confused. I am still falling apart from nearly losing my child. I can't stop crying,I am exhausted have since contracted the flu and just cannot stop running. We just had the weekend where all of our children come to stay four are his and four are mine that makes 8 kids. It was also the first weekend that my daughter had stayed with us since her accident. MY SO sat most of the weekend reading a book and not engaging with any of us. I cooked, cleaned and drove around after kids his and mine, he had friends come over and while he sat outside with them relaxing and socialising I was making sure dinner was cooked and kids were put to bed.

While my daughter was ill also I made a comment regarding my ex husbands family in front of my SO which he took the wrong way. He took off in his car and I found him at midnight at an ex girlfriends house (ex of 20 something years ago but still good friends), they were sitting outside her house drinking a bottle of jagermeister together. I'm not sure what to think of this either.

I have gone and stayed at my parents for a few days last week to clear my head but I cannot shake the anger I am feeling towards my SO. I feel like he let me down when I needed him the most. I cannot beleive that he let jealousy come to the fore when my daughter was critically ill. I have explained to him that the only focus I had at the time was directed toward my daughter. I feel like he loaded so much emotion onto me when I was only just holding together. He has apologised but his subsequent behaviour and attitude really don't lead me to beleive that he even thinks he did anything wrong. I could almost say I hate him right now. What do you all think? Should I cut and run away from this manchild. Am I being too harsh on him? Am I right to think he is weak and should learn to stand up and be a man before he inflicts his emotional immaturity onto anyone else?