I am new to this site and thought I would see how this works.. I have never written in a blog before and I have never been involved in an online community like this before.. I am hopping that there are more people like me out there and maybe I can find some type of advice that will help me in my situation, or give me a answer.. Here goes.

I have been with my DH (excuse me if I don't know all the lingo or abbreviations yet)for 8 years. We have only been married for 2. Since I met my DH there have been problems with his kids who at the time were just about adults.. SS and SD. The SD was turning 18, and the SS was 22. I myself have 3 boys from other marriages, read bio. My oldest son has nothing to do with me, he lives with his dad and that is it.. I am okay with that.. I have tried and I am done trying with this kid.. So I basically deal with my remaining two sons. I am a person who believes in telling it like it is.. Even if it means hurting some feelings.. My sons have grown up with the straight talk and I don't beleive in beating around the bush. Now I will be the first person to admit that my life is not perfect, and that I have made a lot of mistakes with my kids and the way I handled things, but my kids do not resent any of the men that I have been married to.. They were taught that this is my life and I will do with it what I want, they don't have to like it, but they are going to be respectful about it.. That includes the being respectful to the DH. Mind you I started this at the beginning. Right now my kids are 24, 22, and 13. When I met my DH my youngest was only 6 and his dad had died. Now back to my story..

I fell in love with DH it seemed right away, he is a really sweet guy and him and I get along great. We couldn't believe how easy it was for us. Everything just seemed to click. We were so happy I know we wanted everyone around us to be happy too. My DH had been by himself for 15 years when I met him.. Yes he had, had some serious relationships in that time, but nothing that caused him to have anyone live with him or to considering marrying them. He hadn't had any of his kids living with him for about 5 years.. I should explain a little more of DH's back ground with his ex. They were married for the first time a couple of years. He caught her cheating on him. So he divorced her, well he didn't stay away and a little while later he ended up getting her pregnant, so he remarried her, this time they stayed married for almost 9 years. Then he caught her again cheating on him with his best friend. Long story short he ended up divorcing her and he got custody of the kids. He raised them kids till they moved in with their mother. SS was first she bought him by giving him credit cards and anything he wanted. SD was later but also got her with money. Now my DH doesn't have much money we live in a small town and the job he has is really good but doesn't pay the greatest as if we were to live in a big city. But his kids now believe that the key to happiness is money.. They have to have everything the best. The ex has issues, she still wants to be with my DH even though she is married and has been married to the guy she cheated on my DH with. She even told him this only a couple of months before we started seeing each other. Other background info. She comes from a family where her mother cheated on her father threw out their entire marriage, and I believe that the ex believes this is how it should be. Also the ex is very abusive she has a very bad temper and is known for hitting and throwing things at my DH, plus from other people who live in our town have told me how my DH would have scratch marks and black eyes. Like I said small town... Thank god the ex doesn't live in this small town anymore, only her dad does so they are not up here that often..

okay, I know this is long, but I am trying to get everybody to understand all the info and this is my first blog.

Since I have met my DH is ex and his kids have been a big problem. The ex would call at all hours of the night and day, same with the kids. There was always fighting and screaming. Usually my SS was arguing with his SD, and then the ex would call and expect my DH to fix everything. I found out that this had been going on for years.. They would call and get my DH all riled up so he was screaming on the phone, or he was driving two hours to were they lived to try an straighten this out. The kids called for money or to have daddy get them out of jail or come to a treatment meeting. When I met my DH his son had already been in treatment 4 times.. Since we have been together it has been two times and he is now talking about another time. The daughter always plays miss innocence she makes sure everybody knows that she is the good child and her brother is the bad child. She does nothing wrong. She just expects everyone to bow down to her and give her what she wants.

When I started with my DH some of his friends started telling me how his kids treat him like shit, how they hardly come to see him and yet they expect the world from him.. Well I found this hard to believe I mean after all my kids are not like that, and they will never be like that. But the more we were together the more I have seen this.. Like I said NOW we have been together 8 years and in that time we have only seen his daughter maybe 7 times and his son 15. That is not a lot.. when they did come around they were rude and arrogant. They talked to their father like he was a nobody, there was no respect. I personally was not brought up this way and my kids do not do this.

I moved in with my DH about 10 months after we had started dating.. Like I said before we knew right away that we clicked, we also new that we were going to get married. My DH figured the problem would be with my kids. WRONG... Once I moved in it seemed that all hell broke loose. His kids started calling him and telling him, how he didn't love them anymore, how he now had a new family, how he was breaking their family apart. I couldn't believe the crap that we were getting. I mean this man was alone when I met him and his kids hardly ever came to see him and now they are mad.. I stayed out of all of this, I didn't say anything to these kids when they called. I gave the phone to their dad and let him handle it.. When they did come up which the first time I met his daughter was after we had been dating a year and I was already living with him. She didn't want to meet me... When they were around they tried to say that my kids or I was causing them trouble. They tried with little things.. I stayed out of it and kept my mouth shut. I told my boys to just be respectful even though his kids weren't. I figured this wasn't my place to say anything because we were not married and I was just his girlfriend. This is always how things went and because I believe that I didn't play the game the kids didn't know how to handle this so they just stayed away.

I tried having a relationship with these kids but they have never given me a chance. I have helped his daughter out and she acts like I have done nothing but taken her dad away from her. I helped get his son into a really good treatment program because he is so messed up and what happens? His mother gets him out 24 hours later, and they try pinning the bill on my DH. We finally get married after 5 years and we don't tell anybody.. we decide that we are going to go to Montana and get married just the two of us. We don't tell his kids or his family, we don't tell my kids or my family. We just go there and do it. A couple of days before we get married his ex and his daughter start calling. She had gotten into trouble got a DUI and wanted her dad to pay her credit cards and give her money for her fines. The ex was calling up and bitching him out because he said he was not going to pay. By this time in our relationship my son graduated high school with honors and we had just dropped him off out in Wyoming to go to Wyotech for college. He was barely getting by, but he had a job a burger-king and was working his but off.. Also my son never called asking us for money. So when his daughter starts calling and screaming for money, my DH keeps telling her to get a job at Burger-King. Which of course she is not happy with. We go and get married and call everyone and his kids don't want to talk to him..

Now over these years I have invited them to every gathering and every family event that we have had. I have tried to cultivate a relationship with and to no avail. I send birthday cards, Christmas cards, valentine cards etc. I have another stepson from a previous marriage and he and I get along great. I have told my DH's kids that I only want to be there friend I don't want to be there mom. But like I said that has never happened. And every time these kids don't get there way they quit talking to us. Every time they are around especially his son, he only wants to talk about how much he hates his step dad. He also talks about the divorce and how or what happened which now is over 20 years ago.. through all of this time I have listened to my DH go on about his ex and his best friend, about his kids and the stuff that took place 20 years ago.. He complains all the time about how this is his ex's fault and his kids would be different if she was different. I know part of this is true. But after all of these years these kids have a mind of their own and they use it.. even though he doesn't see it. The ex and kids are brought up in our conversations quite a lot. and if he is not talking about them, he implies how she the ex has hurt him by seeing something on TV that is familiar to his life and saying I know what that is like, or I have had that done to me.

After we got married it went way down hill. His daughter went into treatment about 5 months later, we show up for a parents day, and this is the first time that I am getting involved, I mean now I figure since I am his wife I can sit in and give my opinion on how to fix these problems.
Well we were ganged up on there, we got there and his son, his ex, and his daughter were ready to start giving us some crap.. the daughter started in on me about how I took her dad away from her, and told her dad that she was mad that he chose me over her.. Like that is even a choice. Then they both of his kids started in on him about how he owes their mother an apology and how he needs to make a mends for all of his creating.. NOW this shocked me, I had never heard this side before.. They were claiming that my DH had cheated on his ex over 20 years ago.. and this was his kids doing this, not the ex she had walked out of the room, the minute my DH started to talk. Then his kids stated yelling at me saying how I am not apart of their family and I had no right to be there.. By this time my DH and his kids are all standing and screaming at each other. His son and him were almost going to go to blows. My DH stormed out and actually left me sitting there.. I left and we drove home..

That was 3 years ago his kids quit talking to us all this time. His daughter had a child and didn't tell us about it, the child was born early and was sick in the hospital for 3 months didn't tell her dad or any of us. Then she went and got married and didn't tell her dad.. We found out through friends. All this just happened in the last year. I have told my husband to write his kids a letter since they weren't talking to him.. He never did.. Within the 3 years we have heard from family and friends how I am the problem, that I am the one who will not allow my DH to have a relationship with his kids.. This last summer I joined facebook to see pictures of my grandaughter and my son and his family. A couple of months later my DH's kids joined facebook. They hooked up with relatives that they don't even know, which as far as my DH and I care that is fine... Until they started slamming me online... My DH's Newphew who he is really close to, his wife helped with this.. We were very close to these people and now she has been online with these kids talking about me all over facebook. My DH was upset about this, so upset that he quit talking and hunting with his nephew.. Back this last summer after they hooked up with facebook his daughter was in town with her son.. She sees her dad and introduced her dad to his grandson. She is balling and carringon, on how much she misses her dad... By this time my DH already new about all of this, and thanks to me he even has pictures of his grandson. He told his daughter that she needed to grown up and to let some things go.. That she was more than welcome to come out to our house and let us see the baby.. WELL of course that never happened.. Then in october she gets married and doesn't even tell us. And writes on facebook how she is happy to be rid of her dad's last name.. Well this did not sit well with my DH's sisters.. They wrote some stuff to her on facebook.. Then they wrote me a letter, I replied to them and the next thing I know I am getting a nasty letter from my SD.. That was not the first one.. She started in on me when she first saw her dad... She wanted his email address and I explained to her how he doesn't have one, my DH hates computers doesn't know how to use one. I with the help on my DH thought it was a good idea to write her a letter explaining how we miss her and would like her to be apart of our lives, and explain how much I lover her dad and would never hurt him.. Also trying to tell her how we never have done anything to her.. Well that went over like a lead balloon. She said my letter was disrespectful to her..

Well Christmas comes and goes and the next thing you know we are getting a call from my SS he got into a fight with his stepdad and his stepdad went to jail.. He had to move out of his moms house and he is up here where we live, living with some girl. He wants to talk to his dad.. He says on my machine how he got into this fight for revenge for his dad and him.. I mean how stupid, this divorce was over 20 years ago and this kid thinks this fight is a revenge fight for his dad... Well a couple of days later my DH calls his son and the next thing you know they are meeting, of course they won't meet at our house.. Oh noooo, that is because I am there... Which my husband tries to talk to him about, but his son says he doens't want to talk about it, so my DH lets it go.. The other day my SS calls and tells his dad how he has to meet him and ask him what he wants. Of course he couldn't come to the house... Well my husband meets him and this whole thing is over the stepdad and how my SS wants to steal some stuff from the stepdad, as my SS says its for revenge... My DH tells him to stay out of this. To leave the stepdad's stuff alone.

When my DH comes home and tells me this I get upset.. I have been listening to all of this stuff for the past couple of weeks.. I have let my DH go and meet with his son and stayed out of it.. Even though I think all of this is wrong. I am mad when he tells me this because my SS is going to be 29 years old and still hasn't gotten over some crap that took place between his parents over 21 years ago.. I am tired of it all. Time to grow up... WEll because I get upset my husband gets mad and starts yelling at me, we have one of the worst fights of our relationship... My husband yells at me how I don't want him to have a relationship with his kids. and does some other stuff.

Now I am sitting here not speaking to my husband, hurt and pissed and debating a divorce... I am tired, I am tired of trying and I am tired of these kids and there games. I have listened to my DH for 8 years about his ex, the kids, and his best friend.. I have tried to be the kids friend, I have stayed out of their stuff... I don't push myself on them... but they have treated me like shit, treated my kids like shit and now I am just not sure where to turn.. My husband was very mean and rude to me which he has never done before... I understand about wanting to have a relationship with your kids, but to have to bow down to them, I just don't get... Well if you have any advice for me please let me know.,.. I will be writing more, since the SD is NOW writing her dad a letter, I can image what it says...