Do I really have to go to this wedding?
SD23's wedding is this weekend. For a fucking year and a half, she's been trying to get DH and I to help pay for it. We've told her repeatedly that we cannot afford it, and that she needed to scale back. (She's invited over TWO HUNDRED PEOPLE.) Her mother told her that she would help pay for it with her tax refund. Of course, her mother then went on vacation with her stepfather instead and blew all the money she promised SD. No surprise.
SD called DH yesterday (at work no less) sobbing so hard he could barely understand her. She did, however, manage to make herself understood enough to say that she needed $900 to finish paying for the wedding or the whole thing was off. DH agreed to loan her the money.
FUCK. ME.
I am fucking LIVID. She has been TOLD we can't afford it. She has been TOLD to stop spending money she didn't have. And not just on the wedding!! Oh no, she just took a week long vacation (off work WITHOUT pay of course) and she's crying that she needs money?!?! I could kill her, and I really REALLY don't want to go to this wedding now.
Don't think DH got off scot-free here, I'm pissed at HIM too for agreeing. I told him if they couldn't afford this big wedding they could go down to the court house. We actually had (for us) a relatively big fight over this. However, we keep our finances separate, and if he wants to spend his money on this I can't stop him. His saving grace is that this is (in theory) a LOAN. Not that she'll ever pay it back. Little bitch.
I am SO pissed today.
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Ugh, this is the kind of
Ugh, this is the kind of stuff I dread with SD16. DH acts like once she turns 18, she'll move out and we won't have to deal with her anymore, but I know better. Because she is the queen of entitlement and has been coddled and handed everything on a platinum platter her whole life. It will be call after call for money because she can't pay her car insurance, can't pay her rent, can't pay her utilities etc. But she'll have new clothes and shoes and spending money for everything else guaranteed.
Seriously, I *shouldn't* go
Seriously, I *shouldn't* go to the wedding, I'm going to freaking ruin it. (And only a tiiiiiiiiiny little piece of me cares!) Because I'm going to say one of 2 things - either I'm going to tell her what a complete narcissistic and entitled little bitch she's being and cut ties with her completely, or I'm going to tell her that since she owes us almost a grand that I freaking OWN her ass and that she's going to work it off being my little bitch until I say she's done, and if I say "get your ass over here and mow my lawn" she will do it.
*sigh* I actually WILL probably say one of those 2 things to her, but I suppose her wedding day isn't the right time.... god help me, I'm not sure I can keep my mouth shut this time.
I see no reason why with 200
I see no reason why with 200 guests on the guest list, she should not get enough cash in gifts to pay your DH back pronto. And I would be sure to point this out to DH because men are dumb. Because if she's anything like my SD16, and it sounds like she is, she'll have that money blown and not pay your DH a dime.
Before getting married, this
Before getting married, this child should grow up. She is 23 and still playing the same type of games my boys pulled as teens.
Their reasoning is that if you make the adult feel humiliated and embarrassed enough in the eyes of other people then they will get what ever they are demanding. A good example and experience I had with this type of situation was years ago with my own son. His Junior year was spent getting into trouble for vandalism, poor grades and numerous other problems. A few months before prom, while on probation he announced he would be going to prom. "NO!"
He talked his father's aunt into paying half for a limo. His dad paid for half the tux. Behind my back he made arrangements for money donations from relatives that I did not even know. He invited a date. The entire time I repeatedly said " You will not be going to Prom." He did not go. He did not have the money to pay for the remainder of any expenses. He had an 8pm in house curfew. He had no job and he was awaiting several court hearings.
Initially I was concerned about what everyone would think of me when their expectations for the night fell through. Then I just did not care. They had all been told no prom from the beginning. The thought that I was feeling strong armed by the son and his family just did not set well with me.
If your finances are
If your finances are separate, and your DH is still paying for his half at your house...I mean, isn't this what separate finances are for? So one spouse can spend their extra money without having to get approval from the other spouse?
What's the point of having separate finances if you're just going to be peeved at what he spends money on?
I get your point, and to a
I get your point, and to a certain extent I agree with it. But our finances are separate more because of BM than anything else (she kept trying to find ways to get my assets and income included in CS calculations, and god forbid anything happened to DH we didn't want there to be ANY way she could get "the kids' share" of any combined assets because their divorce decree specified some weird things about inheritance). Anyway.
Without going into a long explanation of our own finances, DH actually *doesn't* have the money. What he has is credit - so, he's going to put that $900 on a credit card and pay it off as he can. Which means interest as well (and no, he likely won't charge SD the interest, which pisses me off all over again). In the meantime, as he's racking up MORE debt, it's less debt that we (I) can pay off that we've already accrued. (Daycare is killing me. KILLING me. Our debt may be in my name, but it's definitely both of ours since it's primarily debt we've gotten into because of day care costs for our 3 kids.) Anyway, it's complicated, but in essence, yes, he can take out more debt in his name and I can't stop him, but it does affect me and MY credit because he won't be able to pay ME back what he owes me if he's waiting for SD to pay HIM back.
You might as well realize
You might as well realize that this is your gift to SD and her to-be. Because she will not pay it back. She will have every excuse in the world. It will make you frustrated and annoyed and cause arguments in your marriage. Or, you could just agree that this is your ONLY gift to them. And wash your hands of it.