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SD Moving out

alieigh21's picture

SD has been talking about moving out for the last couple of weeks. Last week DH told me that SD had found a house to rent with her friends. Yesterday she informed him they signed a lease and she will be moving in by the end of June.

DH is not thrilled about the idea but he has not tried to stop her. She has no car, no drivers license and a part time job that will be several miles from the house they are renting, when he has questioned her she tells him they have it all worked out. She also told him she plans to take some classes at junior college. Apparently her friends mother has convinced her to at least take some classes. The house is not exactly in a great neighborhood and we are both pretty sure they are forgetting about many of the costs of living alone.

When I asked DH why he isn't trying to stop her he says he can't. She's 18 and can do what she wants. He also has said that he thinks the experience will help her to appreciate what she has and he thinks it is for the best. The way DH sees it is SD has been in our home for nearly a year and hasn't joined the family and makes it clear she doesn't want to. Since BS and BD are both moving back from school over the next few weeks he feels like it is just best she move out.

He's backtracked a little about not helping her at all. IF she is going to school he wants to help her. He's not asking for more than what I do for my kids and assuming she is doing the course work and not goofing off I don't have a problem with it. I feel like this is going to cause major issues. She has already made comments that she thinks we do more for my kids. I've actually helped my kids less than she realizes. Both BS and BD have had significant scholarships and they have money that their father and I put back for them when we were still married. We will never be able to provide for her in the way I have for my kids and her decisions now are even further limiting what we could do.

Comments

alieigh21's picture

I think he is hoping it will work out but neither of us think it will. I'm sure he will let her come back when it doesn't work out. The neighborhood she and her friends chose is straight up ghetto and she has NO idea what that will be like. I just hope she doesn't end up hurt or in serious trouble.

She is typical of her age group. You can't tell them anything because they are convinced they know better than the average adult in their life. It is shocking to me how naive this girl is.

I won't tell him she can't come back. Just like we are allowing my BS to move back, provided he complies with our terms, and continue to allow BD to come home for the summer I can't very well tell DH SD isn't welcome. The truth is my kids are older and even though they don't create the problems that SD has, I wouldn't turn my back on them if they did.

hereiam's picture

Have you and your DH discussed and agreed on the terms, should she come back?

alieigh21's picture

We've discussed it. We aren't on opposite sides but we do have some differences in our opinions. They are much the same issues we had to work out when we decided to allow BS to move back. This week we found one that we don't agree on.

Since all of our kids are adults the dynamic is much different. We agree that if she leaves and comes back there will be much greater expectations, full time job or school and a part time job, rent and greater responsibilities around the house.

alieigh21's picture

Since BD went away to school and moved back and BS moved out for two years and is now moving back that would be pretty unfair to DH and SD. My kids have made their share of mistakes and I wouldn't tell them if they try and fail they are on their own.

I'm sure if people heard DH's side of things they would say the same to him. The truth is despite the problems we have had with SD, DH love his daughter as much and I love my kids. We both want what is best for all three of them. If I'm honest I don't want her to move out because I feel like the progress we have made will be lost.