Aye -ye- ye
Ok... so this is my first post and i havent really read many people's posts. I was referred to this site from a doctor for whom I work for. So, needless to say, I am hoping I can vent and get some good advice.
First of all, I am a young mother of a 3 year old little girl who is my absolute everything. A year ago, I met the guy who soon became my fiance. He, on the other hand, is a father of a 2 year old little boy who lives in Wisconsin. Did I mention that we live in Texas?
So yea... we live across the country from his son whom he never really gets to see.
So this is where my story begins..........
Last week, while I was at work, my fiance texts me and tells me that he *abruptly* decided to make a trip to WI to see his son for his three days off. Note: I do not like the bio mother only because she is nosey and a freakin "innocent" Miss Perfect. Let me also say that my fiance was a big player back in the day and when we first got together (like 2 weeks post making me his girlfriend) he had a one night stand with another girl. Well right after Spring Break (after my little family of 3 traveling across the country for the main event of seeing his son...and 'her') he got really drunk one night. After I had went off to bed, he continued to stay up and drink. Well a couple days later, I got a text from the BM saying that my fiance had texted her a bunch of crap. "I love you C***" "No one will love you like I do" yada-yada. Well, it turned out to be all true. He admitted that he was texting her but didnt remember saying all that stuff and that if he did, he was sorry. Well that is him admitting it. So since then, I have REALLY never been able to trust him, especially with her. He swears up and down that he hates her and would never want to get back together with her. WHATEVER. I'm just really insecure so my inquiries only make my imagination thrive.
So anyways... He tells me that he's going to WI. I threw a big fit. He then tells me that if I dont let him go then we are over. So naturally, i cried... and lost it, basically lol. Cause, even though he's done some pretty crappy things, I still love the crap out of him. So he tells me it'll be just one day and he'll come back late that next night. Well after talking it over to some friends, I finally feel okay about it. So i text him just to go ahead and go. When i get home just a few hours later, he tells me that since he had taken off that Sunday (because our wedding was going to be on Saturday he took off Sunday as well,...but we postponed it because i just got out of nursing school and had no energy to plan a wedding) he was going to go ahead and stay til sunday. I was mad! So we had a huge fight. I didnt want him going in the first place, let alone staying over there for 4 days! After a long night of fighting, we finally agreed that he would leave Wed night and come back Friday night. I begged him to promise me that he would come back Friday. And then he did. I asked him again in the morning. "promise me that you're coming back Friday." "I promise babe." Well that morning I go to work and I get a text saying pretty much..."F you. I'm staying til Sunday. I want to see my son." One word... PISSED. So I go home at lunch (where he was at) and freakin let er rip. He then tells me that he already booked his flight til Sunday. Again, one word... LIVID. I went nuts. This kid barely knows him and my fiance is risking our entire relationship to go off and see him?! Am i just freakin stupid or selfish or do i not just understand!?!?! Well I told him to get the hell out. If he doesnt care about me that much to freakin lie straight to my face then he needed to get the hell out of my house. So i started grabbing his stuff and throwing it into the living room telling him to leave. Well i was running late on getting back to work from my lunch break so i took his house key and took off. He then texts me later saying that he was sorry and that he didnt want us to break up. So he changed his flight to early Saturday morning. That was a good compromise i guess. But this whole time Im scared to death that he is going to get up there, spend time with them 'as a family' and they're going to rekindle or remember some old feelings and want to get back together or him end up cheating on me....all because of that stupid kid! (and i dont really mean to call him stupid...i'm just very angry and having episodes of word vomit through my fingers). Well last night we got into another fight because of his kid... he ends up saying some pretty hurtful things... ok so I'm pretty much a good deal overweight. I would be considered clinically obese. He said that having sex with me was like having a threesome and that when he's down there he's going to have so much fun having sex with all those other girls. So yea... I cried my eyes out. He instantly said sorry and that he didnt mean any of that but you just cant take stuff like that back. And now i just cant help but feel like 'that kid' is tearing up our relationship. And my poor daughter is caught in the middle cuz i never wanted her to see me upset and thats all she has seen for the past 2 weeks.
PLEASE!!!! GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!!
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Comments
That kid is not tearing up
That kid is not tearing up anything. This guy is a loser and a jerk.
Dump him, lose weight if you want to, and find a decent guy.
The only thing I can say is
The only thing I can say is leave. You are not happy and you have the right to be. The fact that he said those things is horrible and it says a lot about his character. I dont think the relationship should continue.
Don't marry him PLEASE. His
Don't marry him PLEASE. His kid is not the problem HE is. He sounds like an arrogant asshole little shit. Why would you want to marry someone that makes fun of your weight, openly tells you that he is going to cheat and lies to you? that's right- you wouldn't want to. Would you want your daughter to end up with someone like him? Probably not. I'm not trying to be harsh but you need to leave. If he is in your house then kick him out immediately.
Please run and do not look
Please run and do not look back!!! He is not a good person. I would never let anybody treat me that way. It will get worse, trust me I know. It would be a nightmare if you got pregnant and ended up tied in with him forever. This is also not fair to your daughter at all.
Even if there were ZERO
Even if there were ZERO children involved, this man would be a toxic waste of space! Throw your own kid into the picture - remember that YOU are who she is looking up to, learning from...do you want your daughter growing up seeing her mother being treated like crap?
I understand you being mad about the situation...YOU SHOULD BE! Toss his nasty ass out & get yourself tested for STD's...count your blessings that you haven't married this worthless POS yet!
Congrats on finishing nursing school!
Are you nuts! Leave now -
Are you nuts! Leave now - he sound like a total a hole!
The kid is not the
The kid is not the problem.
You don't trust this guy and he's the only one to blame for that.
Keeping him away from BM won't stop him from cheating. Hell, he may be cheating right under your nose. A player doesn't just change over night.
Even if he isn't cheating and you trust him with your life, the things he said to you would be a deal breaker for most. His words reveal how he really views you and his level of respect for you.
When you find a man who really loves you, those words will never enter his mind, much less cross his lips.
I hope you find the strength to love and respect yourself more than you love him.
Run away and fast! Hon, don't
Run away and fast!
Hon, don't do that to yourself nor your kid. You and her deserve so much better!
and if you ask me, yes... I sooo believe he's up to something in WI
He's not worth it.
This isn't a step-parenting,
This isn't a step-parenting, BM or step-kid issue.
Your boyfriend is a dick. Dump his dumb ass and move on. Do it while he's gone. Get some counseling, get back your sense of self worth and get on your feet.
When someone shows you who
When someone shows you who they are - cheating, lying, telling you to f off, intentionally insulting you - BELIEVE THEM. His apologies aren't real. He is a serious douchefuck. Children learn about relationships from watching how their parents relate to each other. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking that loving someone means being an emotional punching bag? You say you love him. Really? Sit down and write out on paper what you would love about a husband. Write out how you would love to be treated. And then write out what you love about this guy. I bet the lists don't match.
GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT HOLY
GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT
HOLY SHIT THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Have you even read what you just wrote? If you looked at it with a blank mind like us strangers are seeing it--what the heck would you say to yourself?
BREAK UP SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED LIKE YESTERDAY.
you say you're young. i am
you say you're young. i am assuming REAL young, because this sounds like high school boyfriend/girlfriend BS.
you are a mother now, you need to start wearing those big girl panties and take care of your daughter ~ not chase and beg for some loser douche bag to love you.
Yes yes one million times
Yes yes one million times yes!
I know you love him but he
I know you love him but he does not love you. Nobody who really loves you would say those kinds of things to you. EVER. Find someone who REALLY loves you!!
This has absolutely nothing to do with the kid. He is the dad, he SHOULD be seeing his kid. You don't want him to see his kid because you can't trust him. He.is.the.problem. You will never be able to trust him or forget the horrible things he's said to you. I'm so sorry but cut your losses now, and be single and try to get to the bottom of why you would allow someone to treat you that way. You deserve so much better!
I have been just a lurker
I have been just a lurker reading blogs occasionally. I registered JUST NOW on this site because I felt so strongly to actually make a reply to you.
This man is using you and abusing you and NOBODY deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. He has essentially spit in your face. He has already cheated, you know what he wants from up there (I doubt it is his kid, as you see what all he has done for his kid in the past right?). He has viciously hurt you and he tears you down about your weight and about what he wants to do in MI with other women - this is nothing more than a way to break down your self-esteem so you are compliant to his wishes - you keep working and supporting him and he screws whatever he wants. It is a vicious cycle that will not end. Your daughter will grow up seeing how he treats you and she will subconsciously fall for someone JUST LIKE HIM and her self-esteem will be shattered as well.
PLEASE, leave him. I am a "Clinically Obese" woman myself. My husband has never once said anything hateful or derogatory to me. YOU DESERVE RESPECT AND LOVE, TOO. I understand having low/no self-esteem. I had such bad self-esteem I was a walking target for that type of man, and I was just very lucky I didn't end up in an emotionally abusive relationship.
YOU WILL find someone that deserves your love and affection who loves you as you are and does not put you down or make fun of you or go out having affairs or threatening to. It might feel like if you leave him you'll be alone forever, but YOU WON'T!
Please, make the decision to leave him and to have NO boyfriend for at least one year. Focus on your self, your daughter, and your career. Build your self-esteem as a role model for your daughter. Then casually date and develop friendships and in time, you will find someone that adores you. ITs just not this man. He does not deserve you. Sorry for the book, it just touched me reading your post and I could just see that you have so much heart and love and you deserve respect.
Totally agree with you and
Totally agree with you and pretty much every lady here!
Well what kinda sucks is that
Well what kinda sucks is that i totally agree with all of you. But it also sucks cuz i do love him... even though he is an ass. We just moved into this new house and i dont think i can afford it on my own. What do I do about the house, bills, etc.?
I think everyone else has
I think everyone else has said it clearly. You're not intrinsically insecure. He caused a level of trust to be eroded from your relationship by drunk texting his ex. That's a dealbreaker. You just don't do it.
Of course you aren't going to trust him going to WI and being with his "old family". For good reason. Your instincts are telling you something, but you aren't listening. Consider moving on. You sound young, so does he. You'll find a lot better.
I will parrot what the others
I will parrot what the others have said.
1. Not a two year old's fault by any stretch of the imagination. He, your boyfriend, should be allowed to see his son.
2.Your boyfriend is a giant ass.
3. Run for the hills.