sick to my stomach
I don't know where to even start, My 10 year-old step-sonjust got expelled from school. Now that he is expelled his mother wants us to keep him, for a while. He is in the third grade for the second time around. Why should my husband & I have to be the one now that he is in trouble be the authority figure. He gets in trouble at her house my husband has to fuss him, he gets bad grades again my husband has to fuss him. She blames everyhting on medicine she says he needs medicine, he was on medicine he was the same way. He has no cares when it comes to being fussed or punished. I am at the point where I don't know if I can take this anymore. My advice goes un-noticed or blocked out one or the two. So what do I do. I am so tired of feeling like the outsider. My husband feels like since he left when his son was 9 months old, he some kind of a way owes her. For what I have no clue. This is not her only child, she has 4 kids for 4 different men. How do I get my vioce heard and my feelings to matter, not her's????
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I have a third-grader, too.
And I'm wondering, "What in the hell do you have to do to get expelled from THIRD GRADE?!"
If he comes to live with you, you and your DH will have to crack down. If you can't expect 100% cooperation from hubby when it comes to enforcing rules and meting out discipline, then I wouldn't do it. If DH can be strict, though, you guys might be this kid's only hope.
Good luck and let us know what you decide.
~ Anne ~
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
How did he get expelled
You asked how the hell you get expelled from third grade well I hope you are ready for this ride. He has had 2 in school suspensions for his temper. Then he went to school without shoe laces, the principle gave him new shoes. They have a dress code that is enforced. Everything was okay. Then thay went to lunch, now mind you it is 90 degrees here. He had a hooded sweatshirt on. The teacher asked him to please take it off because he was sweating. He got mad and punched the wall. He was then sent to the office and was only going to be put out of school for 3 days. But no, he had to run off at the mouth, now he is expelled.
Jeez, Louise!
I guess I don't feel so bad anymore. We're CONSTANTLY being called in because our third-grader keeps talking out in class. I guess he's not so bad after all!
I think this kid could benefit from some kind of counseling. I think all schools have social workers or guidance counselors, something like that, on site. Make an appt. with the principal, teacher and social worker and find out what can be done. It sounds like he either needs some kind of alternative ed. or counseling, maybe both. As for DH, I would stand firm and say that you will not support the child coming to live with you unless and until there is an action plan in place for dealing with his problems. That's just common sense safety, especially with a little one around.
~ Anne ~
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Counseling
He does go to the counseling they tell him that it is not his fault. That he just needs to be a more seen and not heard kid. Now, mind you this is the BM counsler, she will not let us take him to one we pick. Which to me is just another one of her excusses. So we have been trying to get full custody, but still not to sure if we should even try.
I know how you feel
My ss is 8 and in the second grade and while he has not been expelled, he has been suspended many times. He is even at an alternative school. If he is going to be living with you and your husband, then he should be willing to consider your advice. Heor the bm won't mind you cooking, doing laundry, or helping him with his homework!
My ss is also on medicine, but he is in control of his actions.The medicine only serves to balance out the chemical imbalance in his brain.
In kind of the same situation
Granted, my SS is 13 and has not been expelled, but is failing and has been suspended many times and has run away from home.
BB also handed SS over to us, and that was only 2 weeks ago. Now, she wants DH to straighten him out by the end of the school year and hand him back to her. We're in for a battle (legal and otherwise).
The only advice I can give you, is to find a good counselor - for you and/or for you and DH together. I think I'm preaching it a lot lately, but it helped DH and I SO VERY MUCH!! Blended families are hard enough. Add into it a crazy BB, a child with issues, and normal, hectic lives, and the average human being needs some help to make sense of it all and to make a fair and workable plan of action that is best for everyone.
Hang in there.
I know to
My SS is in the third grade as well and last year in the second grade, he got expelled. BM had him on meds for ADHD. When he came to live with us, we took him to our own counsler but it wasn't until we sent him to an inpatient youth home that he was diagnosed with OCC/anxiety disorder, now he is on the right meds and doing much better in school and home. We have some rough patches but my DH won't tolerate it so I have help in that area. If SS comes to live with you and DH refuses to listen or at the very least, respect your opinion, then DISENGAGE!!!! If the kid does need meds, he doesn't need them for the reason BM probably wants them for, to control him. He would need them to function is life without so many obstacles in his way, there is enough already, it seems. And since you care about this kid, and if your DH really does too, then I know you would make sure he was doing better on his meds and not some mushy pile of clay. Good Luck, swetie!!
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
Hello Friend!
I noticed you commented on my blog as well and I know this seems like such simple advice but really you will need to continue to stand up for what you believe is right, that is what i do and I know it is tiring and I know I am constantly having to say I told you so but it is for the better of your SS, try to talk to your SS and let him know you are concerned about his school and see what you can do together to work on his schooling. Maybe that is all he needs just some attention from someone, I truly believe that is why my SS acts the way he does he needs attention from someone. My SS was close to being expelled a few years ago and once we laid down the law it stopped. We helped him with his schooling let him know him getting in trouble was not going to fly he needed to knock off the bad behavior and it got better. We are now traveling down the path again, you might want to read my most recent blog. It is so tiring sometimes I feel like I just do not have it in me anymore to deal with it. I know it stems from the fact that he has many issues with his mom, I try to help as much as I can but I let DH know he has a mom and she needs to step up to plate and deal with it, as much as DH hates dealing with SS's BM, I a BM too and all this time I have to spend on SS takes time away I can be spending with my child, because I am the only BM my child has he comes first to me and I know that is really selfish to say but it is just the way it is. In light of all of this remember you need to take a breath and do something to make you happy today. You must be happy first before you can be good to anyone else. Take care and good luck!
Thanks
I thank you for your advice it is just sometimes I don't know how to do it anymore. My ss says that he did it so he could have a reason to live with us, he is the only child here,for now. That his mom has three other kids that need her attention, he is the oldest. To me it just sounds like he wanted to act an ass, and did not think that they would take him out of school. If he was feeling like that he should have told someone other than me. I am his only listener. But on my end I feel like when I say what is wrong with him, they(BM)just tell me that I will understand when I have kids of my own. But she does not make the situation better.I hope it gets better!!!