You are here

Step Daughter is having Surgery today.

101Stepmom101's picture

Step Daughter is having Surgery today. It is nothing serious ~ but she will be put under and she will be at the hospital for about 4 hours plus.

Bio told DD he is "welcome to come" (HOW SWEET OF HER) ~ but, step mom is not allowed. (For no other reason than she doesn't want me there)

As a result DD is not going at all. He knows it would upset me ~ if he went without me ~ because it would prove he just wants to PLEASE BIO.

She's just at her controlling again. ( For those of you that have read my other posts ~ she's the BIO that told us not to cook chicken for dinner for the stepkids ~ because she was making them chicken the next night. Her trying to control right down to what meat we feed the kids for dinner! )

With him not going ~ he is showing me ~ he cares more about pleasing BIO than his own daughter's feelings.

Backstory: Bio cheated on DD with his best friend and she is now with his old best friend still and they have a plethora of kids together. She has no good reason to resent me. I did not cause the marriage to fail and even my DD has forgiven his old BFF because it would just make things more stressful with the kids.

What is it with this woman? Is it she can't bare to see her EX Husband with another woman? And/or she doesn't want the kids to know I care about them? I know some of you will say disengage. I would go to the hospital with DD ~ if it was his mother or brother or friend. Us not going because She doesn;t want me there.... is showing BIO she is running our lives. It's a public place. I'm an adult. If she can;t be one that's on her. She has never met me and avoids any situation where I would be.. I don't expect to or want to be friends. She decided an hour before SS's Elementary School Graduation they weren't going to go ~ She said SS didn't want to go and said it was stupid. It's a milestone in his life! He should of gone. She let him quit boy scouts the week before we were to all be at the Pinewood Derby car race/dinner event. Major events in the children's lives she has purposely canceled or avoided because she can't deal with the fact that her Ex remarried and moved on after she wanted to be the town whore? It's insane. She need's major Therapy. I'm so sick of catering to Bio's demands and rules.

101Stepmom101's picture

Yes, Sorry ~ DH.

I think I should be able to go anywhere I want to go. I married my husband knowing he had children. Why should I not be involved in their lives just because BIO doesn't want me to? Screw her. She doesn't get to control me.

WalkOnBy's picture

You are allowed to go anywhere you want to. If your husband wants you there, and "there" means any old place in the world, then go. You're a grown ass woman.

WalkOnBy's picture

So? She can wait outside. Kids are minors, and have no rights. That's why PARENTS sign forms on behalf of their children.

When my daughter gave birth two weeks ago, the hospital had a two person limit in the room. Guess what? People hung out in the waiting room and took turns going in to see her and the baby.

Feeling extra obtuse this morning?

WalkOnBy's picture

well duh - I am assuming dad grows a pair and goes.

Also - the kid "is" a minor, not "has" a minor. My minor was philosophy, what was yours?

WalkOnBy's picture

but from you, who holds herself out there as all knowing and the skid whisperer? I would think you would expect more from yourself.

ETexasMom's picture

Actually OP Said DH wasn't going because BM was saying SM wasn't allowed and he didn't want to go alone.

ItsGrowingOld's picture

I admire your tenacity in trying to help people comprehend what they are reading!! Biggrin

WalkOnBy's picture

but that's what happens - the child's family expands. I would never say that Money-Ka isn't a part of my kids' family, she IS.

My kids have a very large family - me, my husband, his kids, Asshat, Money-Ka and their kids. Throw in all kinds of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.....

It's people like you with your narrow definition that make it hard for step families to function.

101Stepmom101's picture

Absolutely... That's my home. My happy place... Seeing her face DAILY is different than being a part of occasional milestones and occasional events that step kids have. I probably wouldn't have so much anger for BIO if she didn't try to make everything so difficult and manipulate DH, and the children and try to run our lives.

Disneyfan's picture

BM is pulling the kids from events because she doesn't want you there.

You won't stay away from their events when you know mom will pull them if you attend.

Both of you are playing games that only hurt the kids.

101Stepmom101's picture

So, I'm the bad guy? I'm not going to live my life catering to that woman and her rules. If she can't accept the fact that I exist ~ that's her problem. I have to deal with her intrusive self daily.

If she doesn't want to see me she could leave for 30 mins and let DH and I come visit. Instead of DEMANDING I can't be there. He is my partner. Why wouldn't/ shouldn't I be able to go and visit with family?

Disneyfan's picture

Both of you are making choices that will result in the kids being hurt.

BM is stomping her feet and yelling I HAVE THE FINALLY SAY BECAUSE I'M THE MOOOMOMMMMM
You are stomping your feet and yelling I HAVE A RIGHT TO ATTEND BECAUSE I'M HIS WIFEEEEEE

The kids will continue to pay the price because neither one of you are willing stand down. In that case, I think you are both the bad guys

101Stepmom101's picture

My thoughts exactly. I'm not sure if he is or not. But, I wouldn't doubt that her entire family would go.

twoviewpoints's picture

I hope everything goes ok for your SD in surgery.

So petty of BM to say who can come to the out-patient center and who can't. The surgery should be about the child. I had my appendix out at 15, back then it wasn't out-patient. I was such a wimp. I had Mom, Dad, my BF, my sister and two girlfriends all hovering around.

BM will deliver her daughter, and SD will be called back to prep. Surely BM can manage to step out of the prep room for Dad and you to step in and wish the kiddo well and give her a hug. A short 'thinking of you, kid' and then off to the main waiting room Dad and you would go. Oh the horrors, Sm wanting to wish the skid well.

But IMO, Dad needs to go anyway. Again, he should just run in and out if that's enough for him, but he does need to be there for his daughter. I am sorry BM is being so childish, but now is not the time to pull the 'if my wife can't come, I'm not coming either'. That's adult fights and feuds that shouldn't affect the child.

It's an out patient surgery, lots of other people, drs, nurses, and patients will be there. At no time should BM and Dh have to be alone together. They don't have to sit anywhere near each other. Other than when the Dr. comes out and sticks his/her head in to where the parents are waiting to speak to the parents about how it went, the parents can be grown ups and totally ignore each other.

I 'get' your position, I really do. I 'get' Dad's too. I just find a child's surgery the appropriate time nor place to pull the 'my wife must come too or I'm not coming'. Please don't get angry over DH if he goes. Hate BM all you please, but Dad shouldn't be missing because the adults are playing games.

FWIW, what would BM do if you showed up anyway? She could stop you from going into prep and recovery, but she really can't stop you from the waiting room.

101Stepmom101's picture

Thank you for the well wishes for SD. I told him he should go. He said ~ no ~ he has to work and it has nothing to do with BIO not wanting me there. Which I know he could go and visit if he wanted to. I think it's sad he's not going and letting that woman make him look like a bad dad again. It's her MO Heck she didn't even tell him what time surgery is until yesterday at night. She kept telling him she didn't know. which is BS!!!

Trust me ~ it will never be the right time for us to be in the same room with each other or even be introduced for that matter... Which I have gotten over. Whatever Crazy lady! I guess it drives me nuts that she just can't be an adult. I think we just need to do what we want to do and live our lives. I guess her saying I can't come and trying to control me with no good reason other than her wanting to be the boss really bothers me.

101Stepmom101's picture

Oh and she also doesn't allow me to drop the kids off at school or to her. If it's our time with the kids ~ DH is the only one allowed to take them to school. Not me. Not his mom. Not his friends.
If he has to work early that morning instead of me or his mom or anyone helping him and taking them he has to take the kids to BIO'S house so she can get them there. Always dependent on her. She makes it so.

Yet, she has 5 different people (I kid you not) that help her pick them up or drop them off to school when it's her time with the kids.

WalkOnBy's picture

Right?? Talk about continuing to enable the stupidly bad behavior.

This is a BM problem for sure, but it's an even bigger DH problem.

OP needs to get herself down to "Balls R Us" and get her husband the biggest pair she can afford.

carolbrady71's picture

Balls R Us
hahahahahahahaha!

I have to agree, though. BM has no right to dictate what goes on in your house (so long as the children are not harmed, obviously) when they are in DH's care. You can feed them chicken while driving them all over town and she can stuff it, unless of course DH actually caves to these kind of demands.

hereiam's picture

Maybe there should be some sort of ceremony where the "love, honor, and obey" is officially declared to be OVER?

"I now declare that BM is no longer the boss. She's no longer loved, honored, and certainly not obeyed. Until she finds another sucker."

WalkOnBy's picture

Yeah - dad is certainly the crux of the issue here. Seems he wants to please his ex-wife more than his current wife.

Bad move, dude. The saying is "happy wife, happy life" not "happy ex-wife, happy life."

Dude needs to go to BM's house and remove his balls from her purse, that's for sure!

WalkOnBy's picture

sounds like a super controlling BM - if your husband asks you to pick up or drop off the kids during HIS time, then just do it.

Think about it as helping your husband out and doing him a favor.

If BM doesn't like it, tough titties.

Unless there is a court order expressly forbidding you from doing something, just go ahead and do what you and your husband decide is necessary.

101Stepmom101's picture

Oh he would never. That would piss BIO off. And she has told him she will never let them be picked up by me. It's so stupid and makes life difficult.

WalkOnBy's picture

then your husband is an idiot who lets some woman to whom he isn't married run his life.

THAT'S your problem, honey

twoviewpoints's picture

Is there actually anything in the CO/PP that states no one other than father on father's time can transport the children?

As BM has a gazillion different people chauffeuring the kids around, I assume it isn't really in the CO/PP or that Dad got foolish and let it slip in only applying to him. Men do silly things in trying to just get it over with, but these kinds of strict agreements about transportation and/or babysitting (for examples) usually apply both ways (unless you are a harden criminal with 3 DUIs and an axe murder or two on your record, LOL).

So it seems the real problem is your DH is afraid of BM. Whether it be because he is afraid of her trying to PAS the kids against him or try; to keep the kids from Dad's parenting time because he p*ssed her off; or he's just a chicken sh*t who doesn't want to stand up to her and is rattled by her big mouth ugly rants at him...the problem is him and his fear. Time he realizes he does not have to 'obey' BM (just obey the CO/PP) and/or haul her buns in for some modification (if the CO/PP has missed issues or some need removed).

101Stepmom101's picture

Nothing in CO that says DH can't have help transporting. And no ~ I have an almost perfect driving record. My car is a 2016. No criminal record at all. I'm not a bad person. I have a good job and have been employed for over 11 years with the same company. I am stable. There is NO REASON why... other than that is what BIO wants. My last ticket was over 20 years ago. I find it ridiculous!
She wants to be depended on. Her BS rules don't apply to her.

Pharlap's picture

If there is nothing in the court order about it then she can scream and cry all she wants but she can't do jack. She can threaten to withhold the kids or bring it up in court and neither one will end well for her. Dad has the right to make calls about who is around his children and who picks them up just as much as she does. If DH wants to get petty (and I don't suggest it for a situation like this) he can insist that nobody but her can pick up and transport the children as well.

101Stepmom101's picture

Not court ordered. It's my husband that is allowing it. He doesn't want to make BIO mad ~ so he tends to do what she wants just to make things easier... not mater how ridiculous it may be. I just want to live my life normal and him not having to depend on her ~ I'm his wife. I should be the one he's depending on when It's his time with the kids....and without being told what I can and can't do by a woman who doesn't even know me.

zerostepdrama's picture

You DH needs to grow some balls otherwise it's not going to change. BM is getting away with being controlling so of course she is going to be controlling. Your DH is allowing her. Be mad at your DH.

Disneyfan's picture

Then why is your anger directed at BM instead of your husband? BM does not have to ever acknowledge or respect you.

But that doesn't mean your husband has to go along with her wishes about you dropping the kids off at school.
(Not having you drive them to her house may be a good thing.)BM should not have a say in what happens in your home. If your husband allow her to, then he is your problem, not her.

twoviewpoints's picture

Ah, I should have read more down the comments before I posted above a minute ago. You answered my question here already.

Disneyfan's picture

If your husband is going along with all of her "rules" regarding who can drive the kids around, me must not have a problem with them.

WalkOnBy's picture

this is one of those times when dad kow-towing creates all of the stupid drama. I will never understand those kinds of men. Ever...

101Stepmom101's picture

It's been a work in progress. DH has grown some balls with her over the years but not enough...

BIO would give DH rules from the beginning of their end ~ like you can't take the kids to this movie or that movie because I want to.

You can't take the kids to the museum because I planned on doing it and to this day... a good 3-4 years later.. she has still not taken the kids to that museum. We couldn't take the kids because BIO drilled into them that they were not allowed because their mom wanted to take them so we couldn't go because mom gave them rules. They were worried they would disappoint their mom if they went with us.

When we got together I couldn't believe how he catered to her every whim and rule. He has stopped a lot of it. But, I think if he full on 100% didn't put up with her BS ~ she would get mad and then she would get over it and realize she has no right to control when it's DH time with the kids.

She even tried this week telling DH she wanted to know our plans with SD for her Birthday~ before we talked to or told the kids. (URM ~ Why? so you can try to talk DH out of it?) He told her NO, IF we go out of town he will let her know ~ but if not ~ he's not telling her before we talk to the kids about it.

WalkOnBy's picture

"But, I think if he full on 100% didn't put up with her BS ~ she would get mad and then she would get over it and realize she has no right to control when it's DH time with the kids."

probably not, BUT that doesn't mean that you and your husband have to give in to her stupid demands.

She may never realize that, and that's okay. You and DH live your lives the way you want to, with and without the kids.

101Stepmom101's picture

I'm also not allowed to Text or facetime with the step kids. BIO blocked me from their ipads because she doesn't want to see me say "I love you" to them. I'm not allowed to help them with homework. Because when they grow up BIO wants them to know who helped them (HER) get good grades.
But, perfectly fine for me to financially pay for a tutor! Or buy them charges and cases for their Ipads!

101Stepmom101's picture

It was not on her time. It was within OUR home. She saw our communications when they kids took their ipads back to her house. Bio didn't like... it so she blocked me and told the kids they were not allowed to text me because SHE doesn't know me and doesn't know if I would text the kids bad words"

Which I would never... and that was just an excuse. And it's her fault she doesn't know me but that's her choice to not care who her children live with part of the time. That's on her.

Disneyfan's picture

This is crazy.

You blame BM for money you are making the CHOICE to spend. :? :? :?

You do not have to spend your money on your SKs. BM not wanting you to intrude in her home and what you decide to spend your money on are to different issues.

You and your husband are the problems here, not BM.

101Stepmom101's picture

I'm just saying it's ok with BIO if I'm involved if it financially benefits her or the step kids... but not ok if I'm supporting my husband with helping out with the step kids or wanting to support my husband or them in situations where family would be included.

Disneyfan's picture

I think you're poking at BM.

To TEXT I love you to kids on devices that I'm sure you know mom checks was a passive-aggressive way of getting under mom's skin.

101Stepmom101's picture

That was her excuse to DH. I actually did not text that at all. But, I won't see anything wrong with saying that to them. I do love them.

This is also the same woman that told DH that If I take the Steps to Target they will think I'm their mom.

Disneyfan's picture

But you texted something to them while they were in your home. You had to know their mother would check their Ipads. Using their devices as a form of communication and not deleting messages, comes across as you doing little thing to bug the hell out of their mother.

How old are these kids?

101Stepmom101's picture

I did not text them to piss her off. Didn't think it was a big deal. But obviously just another thing she can control.

Disneyfan's picture

I find it interesting that your didn't say that you didn't know BM checked their Ipads.

You know how this woman feels about you. But some how you didn't think she would get pissed off when she saw that you were texting the kids. :? :?

The two of you are fucking with one another. The only difference is that one is in your face with it, while the other is more passive aggressive

twoviewpoints's picture

Wow. I was just rereading your forum post from January where your DH had the fender bender with the kids in the car on the way to school.

While, in that one incident, I agreed Dad should have called BM to take the kids on to school, I had forgotten what all had been revealed in that older post.

You have one of the craziest BMs here. You can't take the kids to Target on Dad's time because the children might think you are their mother? Unfricken' real. She won't let you do this or that because the kids may think you are their mother and she has actually told your DH this bullsh*t.

I can assure you, these kids at 8 and 12 (or 9 and 13 by now) now full well who their mother is. If you cook dinner and serve meatloaf at the table, does that mean the kids might think you're Mommy because you cooked and fed them?

Go back to counseling with DH. He definitely needs some more. While you said he has improved some, he's a long way from being finished. This man is unbelievable in the extent he allows this woman to run his life, his home, his parenting time and the ridiculous way he treats his wife over it all.

Send this guy back and tell the counselor not to send him home until he has a complete attitude adjustment and finds his man parts.

101Stepmom101's picture

Sure, HRNYC ... Well duh ~ I'll just go hide in my room with the lights off when they are there and not talk to them and pretend like they don't exist for the next 10 years plus... That way I'm not stepping on any ones toes and pretending to be an important caring person in my step children's lives... Thanks for helping me with my problem!

twoviewpoints's picture

No, BM's reasoning on Target (or anywhere) is because BM believes the children will think of OP as their mother. Per what OP wrote. I have no reason to declare OP a liar over what she wrote. I have no reason to doubt when OP wrote this is the reason BM gives Dad that it is not the actual reasoning BM gives.

And DH already went to counseling with OP. He seriously needs to go again.

Do you ever check out what is actually written or do you just run with whatever pops into your head?

twoviewpoints's picture

Well, we get OP's side. Feel free to call up BM and invite her to join here.

I have no reason to declare OP a liar, and neither do you. Sure two sides to every story. However to say OP's DH lied to her about what BM told him and the reason BM told him something, is to say OP and her DH are lying.

I see a woman fighting to be accepted as a member of her own household. You seem to see an evil lying SM. Why do you spend so much time reading member's posting if you believe they are all lying and only telling their own side. Seems like a busy lady in NY would have better ways to spend her summer off than reading a stepparent bored when she thinks the members are all full of baloney.

tankh21's picture

If she is on a budget, she may resent what she perceives as SM trying to buy their favor Do you even know how ridiculous that sounds LMAO!!!! That is BM's problem not OP's I talk to OP on a daily basis and know what she goes through. You don't even know the half of it how this lunatic makes her DH and her life hell and then the kids are stuck in the middle. I would say that everyone is at fault here except for the children. Her DH needs to get his balls from BM's purse! BM needs to stop trying to control her ex and what the kids do on dad's time and SM just needs to disengage for the most part. I do not blame OP for the way she feels. OP has it worst than a lot of other posters do cut her some slack she was just venting.

Rags's picture

Oh hell no! DH goes and so should you. BM does not get to dictate shit for nothing... period.... particularly when a child is having a medical procedure.

DH heeds to nail BM's toxic ass to the wall and keep her ass nailed there permanently for this kind of crap. You are DH's wife and BM gets no say in how you and DH support each other or how you together support your daughter. Yes... YOUR... daughter. Step is a prefix to the word Mother in your case and BM is proving herself to be no mother and little more than a petty, vindictive waste of skin.

IMHO of course.

tankh21's picture

I prefer to call them human garbage or snakes in the grass Rags LOL sorry just wanted to add the in. }:)

Rags's picture

Toxic cell piles? I think we can go on a long and enjoyable word association on this. Wink

I like "human garbage" and "Snakes in the grass" too of course.

I have no use for toxic idiots. Particularly in blended family situations. I will work reasonably with the opposition when they are reasonable... if not.... I enjoy pummeling them into submission over their toxic crap.

Fortunately... we have been out of the SpermClan interface business for 6-ish years now so I have to get my destruction of toxic morons hobby fix vicariously through others who are dealing with it.

101Stepmom101's picture

Thank you guys! I felt a little attacked within this post... Thank you to those who stood up for me. I feel much better now. Smile

SugarSpice's picture

101, dont apologise for feeling excluded or hurt. i happens all the time in step life. sometimes its intentional and sometimes it is just thoughtlessness. your husband should demand you be included in important matters.

SMforever's picture

I found this thread interesting. I work in a hospital. Day surgery is just that. You have your procedure and go home. There is no need for the whole darn clan to pitch up there,. Hell, the wards are overcrowded enough without groups of hand wringing relatives milling about and glaring at each other. If it is a minor child, fine, one parent there and perhaps the other to drive patient home. No grandparents, siblings, stepmthis and that...why...it's not a party.

In this case, I can actually see why the BM just wanted to ward off the whole herd. Even if she is otherwise a controlling bitch,

mro's picture

Yeah those were my thoughts exactly as a parent and as a patient. If this is a routine procedure,let the child decide (if she is old enough) which person or 2 she would like to accompany her. Me, I just want someone to drop me off and to be there when it is time to pick up. Otherwise I just want to left alone. I was the same way when I had my babies. Other than the children's father of course I certainly didn't need or want an entourage hanging around. We called the close relatives with the good news when it was all over. I would think about what message this is sending the child. If this a routine procedure and everything will (most likely) be fine, why treat it like she is at death's door?

101Stepmom101's picture

True. It was a quick procedure. I would of been in the way.

It's just her trying to control my every move. And saying Ex Husband is "welcome" to come ~ but Step mom is not. This is for everything. Plays the kids are in at school. Any event. I'm not welcome. And the kids hear her saying these things. Bio has no filter on her mouth. They know and have told me my mom doesn't like you. (It's sad for the kids and she refuses to put them in therapy. Yes, I know she doesn't have to like me. I'm not looking for a BFF. I'm an adult. I guess it's just blatant disrespect for me all the time.) She's just poisoning their minds with thinking I should not be accepted. I would NEVER say their mom is not welcome someplace we were at. No matter how much I wouldn't like it. She will always be their mom.

BIO not accepting the fact that I am their Step Mom ~ mean ~ Is she still in love with my husband?
She's the one who cheated and has have more children with his old Best Friend. Who was also married to someone else. She broke up two marriages! She's move on Physically ~ I don't think she has emotionally. I don't think she can accept that her ex husband is happy and married with someone else. Thoughts?

Disneyfan's picture

Why in the world do you think the kids need therapy? Knowing that you and their mom dislike one another is no reason to have them in therapy.

Disneyfan's picture

*****

101Stepmom101's picture

Ok... So is going to my Step child's Graduations over stepping? Or a baseball game my step son is playing in ? Going to watch my SD play the flute at a Christmas concert for school over stepping? Doing anything that involves them over stepping?

Where is the line where I'm over stepping? I should just don't do anything that involves the step kids or makes them feel like I care for them and their events?

101Stepmom101's picture

If she didn't want another woman in her children's lives ~ she should of not cheated on her husband with everyone in town and run away with her husbands Best Friend. She made her bed.

Disneyfan's picture

Don't you have kids of your own? Just focus on them. Do stuff with your SKs when they are at your house.

If you MUST attend their events knowing their mother doesn't want you there, go. Just don't turn around and act shocked when she causes a scene or the kids ignore you.

I'm amazed that a SM would be this angry about not attending SK events. Since you keep bringing up mom cheating, I think you are more interested in showing up at those events on your husband's arm than you are about supporting the kids.

Attending those events will be an opportunity for you to pisd off BM. Kinda like you did with the text messages

still learning's picture

It sounds like the problems you're having with BM are DH's to deal with. DH should be there to support his daughter during a surgery that has nothing to do with you. So you weren't invited to the surgery, oh well. Waiting during pre-op, surgery, and post op is no fun. There are battles to fight and this is not one of them.

Remember that you are your own person 1st, DH's wife 2nd and being a stepmother should be very far down the list.

101Stepmom101's picture

I know a few of you are suggesting that I only want to go to events with Step Kids to piss of BIO. Not true. If she were to die today ~ I would still want to be a part of their things. I would still want go to their events and show them that I care about their things and their life. I'm not an outsider, I am their Step Mother. I do understand there are things I do not need to go to like a teacher parent conference.. etc. But, life events so show DH and I are proud of them and accomplishment... I would like to be a part of. It does upset me that BIO thinks she can tell DH what I can and can not do. We are responsible adults and can make my own decisions and do not/should not need permission from her to do anything with the exception of leaving the State because it is in the CO. My DH can make the judgement calls if his wife can take the children to the darn Grocery Store without him.

I mentioned that BIO cheated on DH so that you all know she doesn't have any reason to be upset with me like I was the one that broke up their marriage. I would understand if she had a reason like that to not want me anywhere she is. That is not the case. She is still with his old BF that she had one of many affairs with... My DH has gotten over it and knows His old BF will be at their events. They are always cordial and say hello and are friendly. Which is best for the children. My DH knows that and can suck up the hate so the children don't resent him or the situation. So I feel like I'm being punished for doing nothing wrong. If she can't suck it up and deal with the fact that her ex husband is with another woman? Or that the kids have another support system and loving person in their life that's too bad.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BM may very well be POd at you because she's JEALOUS. BioHo is jealous of me because I'm many things she is not. I keep house well. I cook. And the two things that really chap her arse: I BAKE and her 2 oldest daughters LIKE me and confide in me.

I understand your concern for your SD and it sounds like you have a decent relationship, but that's a tad bit beside the point. While BM being jealous may be the real reason for her not wanting you there, the bottom line is that you have no legal rights to your SD. BM cannot control your presence at the hospital, but it is likely within her rights to not allow you in SD's room. Sorry.

notsobad's picture

When SD(26 att) had to be hospitalized for a urinary tract infection the Only reason BM came down from oil town was because I'd been sitting at the hospital with SD all night.
BM couldn't afford to come all the way down here until she found out I'd been the one who sat with SD while DH went home.

SD was an adult but was afraid to be alone, she was in a lot of pain and just wanted someone she knew and loved to be near her. DH had been there for the first few hours but he'd worked all day (pouring concrete in the sun) and he needed to shower and sleep.
DH came back in the morning and BM arrived an hour or two after that.
We left and came back after SD had been admitted and put on antibiotics and a saline solution.

Seems some nurse thought I was BM and so after that BM wouldn't leave SDs side. The day before she was saying it couldn't be that serious and she didn't want to spend the money to travel.