1) THE ROOM:
DH was AGAIN taking out SDs trash for them and complaining about how 'disgusting' is was and how they just leave it. I told him "Why should they do it if they know you'll do it for them?" He says that they should do it...me,"Then you don't touch it and make them do it!" "But it's gross!" he states. "And that's exactly why you leave it for them to LEARN that!" And he comes back with..."They don't separate the trash and recycle." Me, exasperated, "Yes you need to watch them and make sure they do it and do it right and that means you make the effort!"

Then I watched him finish taking out the trash for them and then he moved on to cleaning up all the dirty dishes from SD13s room. Her room was likely the worst I've seen it in a long time. I continue to shut the door and walk away. He's starting to ask why it gets like that and how disrespectful it is for everyone but does not enforce any rules at all and continues to clean up after her.

2) THE LOCK:
I came home before DH on Friday and found the front door unlocked AGAIN.
When DH came home I asked him if he had been home yet.
"No, was the door unlocked?"
Yes, it was. And I've about had it with SD13 not locking it.
"Well, she's getting better."
It's not about doing it sometimes, it's about each and every single time.
"No, she has been better."
Well, every time I come home first, that door's unlocked. I've talked with you, I've spoken with her and no one seems to care. It's been two years of me discussing this. If I come home ONE MORE TIME and that door is unlocked, I'm hiring a locksmith to install auto-locks/keypads and you are paying for 100% of it. 100%!
"Well, ok then..." trailed off with nothing to say...
You know that this isn't just about stuff, it's about personal safety and learning to take care of yourself and things. When she goes to college or is on her own she needs to already know how to lock a door.
"But college isn't the real world, it's not like living on your own."
Come on DH! College can be WORSE with random people walking around the dorms or student apartments. She needs to learn NOW how to be aware of this stuff...
And then I throw up my hands and walk away. Done with that.

3) SUMMER VACATION:
DH says he notices I've removed the vacation days from our joint calendar.
"Yes, you never worked with me on the planning so I stopped planning. There's also no affordable rentals left in that area so we can't go."
Well, we could got to X place.
"The place you wanted to go to anyway. Fine. You plan it. I'll contribute $ to it, but I'm not paying for 50% of the cost as it's more expense than I wanted to do."
And conversation over.

Disengagement is the only thing that saves me from going crazy.
I'll discuss it but won't take any blame.
DH also knows my "if you continue talking about SDs I'm going to strangle you" look.
He actually said this weekend, about my niece helping my sister around the house while she's studying for an exam..."Niece is really helpful and mature about those things. She does more than the SDs." Yes, DH, because her parents have demanded it and taught her how.