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Time Froze, I swear...

Cover1W's picture

SD13 was nominated by her teachers to participate in a special travel program next June. Only 35 kids in her class were picked, so it's a big deal. This would be her first "independent" travel.
Basically it's based on her being a good, active and engaged student.

...and she has to raise $2K.
The group is required to do fundraising and SD13 will also have to earn money to go (DH and BM will both chip in as well but it's been made clear that she has skin in this one).
So she's figuring out what she can do to earn money.

She talked with me about earning money so after some discussion, I put her to work this weekend helping me weed and spread mulch. She did a good job, no complaints. Put everything away as I instructed. Then asked, "Where do I keep my money for this?" I suggested she insist that her dad get her a bank account. Which she's been asking for for over a year, DH for whatever reason, has just not cared to do it. Nor BM. I don't get it. I'm not going any further than that.

Our neighbor also indicated that she has some light yard work SD13 can do (totally within her skill level). I mentioned that to DH and he started getting all protective of SD13...WTF? DH, she needs to raise $ for this, she WANTS to do this, she helped decide her pay rate, she asked for help finding jobs here and there and THIS IS HER CURRENCY - TRAVEL AND INDEPENDENCE. This isn't general house help, but extra jobs. I'll continue to help so long as SD13 is the one to ask/follow up. If either DH or SD13 push back I'm done. At least I know my limit.

Treading very carefully and quietly now...

Comments

Cover1W's picture

Yep, I got an account when I was 10. So I've officially been suggesting this to DH for three years now. The SDs just keep their cash in a drawer in their bedrooms.

If I could I'd take them in myself, but I'm not a parent, so nope, can't.

Oh no DH, you'll have to spend 30 min max. at the credit union. The horror.

Peridwen's picture

You technically don't need to be a parent to get an account in the kid's names, if you sign the paperwork as custodian. I opened accounts for SD & SS and DH never signed a thing. Neither did the kids. But you are the only one who can withdraw or transfer money from that account. My aunt opened an account for me when I was 12 or so - she never even told my parents about it until my birthday party.

If however, you just don't want to deal with it, I totally get it. Smile

Ninji's picture

These Disney Dads...SD asked me a few years ago if they could have some chores to earn money. I made a chore list that DH agreed to (cleaning their own rooms, doing their own laundry, cleaning their own bathroom and dishes two nights a week between the two kids). I was giving them $10 a week and I opened bank accounts for them.

DH complained so much about me "making" his kids do chores that I stopped. Then he thought I should still pay them...Pay them to do nothing. Nope.

One skid has .01 in their account the other has $13 left. All because daddy didn't want them to do "chores". AKA, cleaning up after themselves. Well jokes on him, they still have to clean their own messes but they won't be getting another dime in their accounts from me. DH ruined it.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Protective?! What's to protect? What's wrong with a 13 year old girl doing neighborhood chores for cash? It's exactly the way to raise a successful adult!

I did babysitting at that age, of course, but I also cleaned houses for ladies. It prepared me for a real job at 15. What's wrong with your dh?

Cover1W's picture

Don't even get me started, it's an ongoing reply of mine, "Don't treat them like buttercups DH! They need to learn and be strong!"

DH didn't have good parents...his younger 1/2 sister told me that he was a "feral child" - basically left alone to figure it out as he grew up. No responsibility no parenting. It's amazing he functions as well as he does.

He doesn't like how much time parenting takes or how hard it can be. Bottom line.
And yes, I have told him that.

CANYOUHELP's picture

You go Cover...sounds like you are her work ethic hope in the world...

How long does her protection last? Does she get Secret Service Protection too? (Yard work is hazardous).

Do you have security clearance to be near her?

Afteralll, it is scary being a 13 year old who is learning how to contribute to the world...lol.

Cover1W's picture

Oh, he's not scared of other people or our neighbors.

He's afraid of the SD13 doing something she doesn't want to do or being taken advantage of (oh, wait, that's "work" and she might find it a little hard sometimes, poor poopsie).

He simultaneously complains she just lies around watching shows or reading but when any suggestion of activity other than hanging out with her friends is made (like work, or helping clean stuff) then we don't want to interrupt her do we?

Maxwell09's picture

I think in this particular instance you are being the best thing for her right now. She needs someone to encourage and show her how to be independent. All it takes is one good experience of working hard and earning something you really want to leave an impression. She might actually learn something like the value of the dollar and what you can get when you work hard for something.