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SD14 seeing half brother WITHOUT permission! Is this acceptable?

Rachaelerichards's picture

Over the past 6 months our relationship has completly broken down with the SD14. She didn't bother at Xmas. We didn't see her from 1 month to the next. Over the past month she has turned up at our house on 3 separate occassions unannounced to see her brother. She comes with other members of my husbands family -
Uncle, cousins and her once it was her Nan on her mums side. Every time we see her it brings back all the hurt from the way she has treated us for no reason. She has completely ignored me and her dad when shes here just making a fuss of my son and then leaves after 5/10mins.

Is it ok to tell her not to turn up unannounced or with anyone else until she has some respect for us?? And can be bothered to come round for a conversation. She's not 'entitled' to see her brother.

notasm3's picture

You as a parent have a responsibility to shield your child from unsavory people to the best of your ability. It doesn't matter if they are siblings, cousins, etc.

I don't know if your SD is truly someone that should not be around your child or if you just don't like her. But that's your call.

Indigo's picture

^^This^^

You do not need to answer the door or the phone. There is no social contract which demands that you answer if you are home. Perhaps you were indisposed in the loo ... or coloring your hair ... or simply lounging around. You do not need to accept unexpected visits or intrusions from strangers, friends or family.

Maxwell09's picture

You don't HAVE to let anyone around your child besides his other parent, but if she's not hurting him then I don't know why you would make her stop. I don't think you're upset she drops by, I think you're upset she doesn't acknowledge you when she is there and your feeling are still hurt from the past. Let it go. Accept she will most likely never realize what she's done to you and your family or care if she does and stop letting a child hurt your feelings. You can either disengage from her completely and leave when she comes around OR tell her she's unwelcome. Only you know which is the best answer for your situation.

Acratopotes's picture

Why is DH not stopping this and telling her... SD in my house you will greet every one and be respectful?
Why is DH allowing BM's side of the family to enter his house, they have nothing in common anymore,
Why is DH allowing all of this?

See your problem is not SD, it's your husband, he enables SD to do what ever she wants, she knows it and she's doing exactly that.

I would simply take my son and leave, or put him in his room and tell her, no convenient now, BS is taking a nap

Rags's picture

If you will not tolerate this toxic Skid in your life why would you and DH expose your young child to her toxic crap?

Protect your young child. If they want to have a relationship once the young one reaches adulthood then that is up to them. Until then..... as parents your responsibility is to protect the youngster from the toxic and prepare him to be able to protect himself when he reaches adulthood.

Rachaelerichards's picture

That's exactly my thought. She's not a good example to my son. Although some would argue is he really going to notice her behaviour at 18 months old. The problem is we don't know who is at the door until we answer. The first time her nan brought her she said she was too scared to knock and she's been upset. Dad explained that he's done nothing wrong to his daughter and has never stopped her seeing her brother. But her attitude lately has been disgusting. SD came in out the car. Nan didn't enter our home. And when husband went to give her a hug and say let's sort this out she pushed him away and said I hate you. On this occasion DH was working from Home as I was on training SD would have expected me to be home that day and dad at work.

The second time she came with her uncle he actually visited me about buisness otherwise I would have said then don't keep coming round without asking first.

And 3rd to time was yesterday when she came in with her 3 cousins who are 12 8 and 8 I was going to say something then but because they are children I didn't trust that they might twist what was said and it's not ideal that we say anything in front of others because it becomes awkward.

DH tried so many times to fix the situation but he gets rejected and disrespected every time. I even attempted once phoning her which she ended up putting the phone down. Then the conversation continued via text and she just gave me a load of attitude and didn't acknowledge anything she's done wrong.

We have had enough now. We don't deserve to be treated like this when we genuinely haven't done anything wrong to that child. All of his family have been seeing her without going through him which is further insult. We just can't get anywhere.

My ideal solution would be for her to be put on her place and tell her when she has some respect for us Then we would start to build the relationship back up. Until then don't keep coming round in announced making other members of the family feel awkward. But tbh if it bothered them that much they wouldn't be seeing her behind his back so they are just as bad too.

Acratopotes's picture

well obviously your husband is not doing anything about it, so you will have to.

Simply stop allowing her to enter the house, she knocks, you slightly open the door , and say SD... are you going to apologize for being disrespectful to us and behave... if not tell her good bey, if she says yes, you open the door, but first sign of her being a snot, take her by the arm and put her outside.

I simply do not understand why grown adults are scared of children

Rachaelerichards's picture

Exactly, she's got away with enough.i am going to tell him to tell her other wise I will. I done it last time. I wouldn't say we're scared but more like trying to be considerate the time and it only benefits everyone else not us

Acratopotes's picture

one is never considerate towards an self entitled teenage brat......

speaking of experience, did not even consider my own bio, it was either you respect me and be nice or you will regret it