Sorry, but in this scenario, there is no way I would do the drive to pick up these kids.

What would your husband do if he was single and didn't have you to pick them up?

You don't have to take it on. Not at all.

But since you are doing so at this time, do you make this drive alone? I think it might be a prime time to get some parenting in.

You can drive past their favorite spots and casually say, "Oh, look, it's Baskin Robbins. If my living room is clean all weekend, perhaps I could be talked into stopping there on the way back." You should tailor it to your situation.

One thing that drives me nuts about my sd17 is she will dither in indecision endlessly...because they let her and it gives her power.

So I had her alone in the car one day (she was 13/14). I mentioned her favorite treat spot was nearby, would she like to go there? (I'm so damn mean, doncha know) She dithered, uh, er, maybe, uh, not sure....

I cut her off: "At the end of this block I'm going straight through home or I can turn left to treat spot. Looks like I'll be going straight home." You see, I didn't wait for her, just kept driving. She piped up right away, of course. "Yes! I'd like to go!"

So you can use that time for these kinds of things.

That is if your skids are not horribly beyond hope. In that case, tell your dh to make other arrangements, you're done.

Can your husband drive? If so, it is time for HIM to do it, you stay home and enjoy. (If he is capable of making his independent plans, he can certainly drive). I would first speak to him regarding your feelings (20% of these men can help problem-solve step situations with their wives). But, if you are like most of us, and he chooses to do nothing and is a doormat sort, you have no choice but to disengage with these kids. It is hard when they are in the same house, but if you read on this blog many women have successfully disengaged, even so.

Keep reading, and know you are not alone in the journey.

Did you make a mistake? I think a lot of us have asked ourselves the same question. For many of us we did not see this side of our husbands until long after we were married; nonetheless we do love our husbands now and we are in it for the long haul, it appears. Therefore, we protect ourselves when we know we cannot count on our husbands to step up to the plate and become a one hundred percent father and partner. We know we cannot count our our husbands, so we change the circumstances of our own lives to live peacefullyl

So I suppose when you marry, you take that on

I suppose some do but it is certainly not a requirement. You don't have to take on his responsibilities, that he had prior to you marrying him, just because you married him.

You are working 2 jobs and paying all of the bills, too? He would just have to figure something else out in my world.

This is why I would not have even dated my husband if he a) had no car and b) had no driver's license. I did enough of that crap when I was young.

At one point, my husband's ex-wife did move a few hours away. He was concerned about driving his older car that far so he only saw his daughter when they came back to visit family. It sucked for him but it was what it was (she did not stay there long, before moving back). I was not making that drive. Everybody survived.

You need to create some boundaries and decide what you are really willing to do and let this be known to your husband. You can compromise and agree to do it once a month if you feel you must, especially since it doesn't even seem to be appreciated.

Discuss some house rules with him, while you're at it, and don't allow his kids to take over your home or your weekends.

How disabled is he? There's a huge difference from being physically unable to drive and being a human vegetable unable to do anything.

I know people who cannot drive but can walk and do most everything else. My poor SIL had a traumatic brain injury 30 years ago. She now has the mental capacity of a 2 year old. She is on a feeding tube and cannot walk or do anything. All we can do with her is love her.