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9 Year old says Dada?

tokonaki's picture

Is it normal for a 9 year old boy to still call his father "dada"? My husband thinks this is normal, and I think he is wrong, so looking for some other opinions on this. Our 2 year old son doesn't even say "dada". I am unsure of what it's like to have a 9 year old, so the only comparison I have to go off of is my nephew who is 9, and my brother and sisters when we were little.

We didn't spend a lot of time hanging out with our parents and spent more time playing with neighborhood kids and friends in general. My husband feels bad that he doesn't sit and hang out with his 9 year old after we all have dinner together. His son gets up and goes back to his room to play his online video games with his friends, so why does my husband feel bad? He seems to be having fun playing his games. I don't get that.

What is normal for being touchy feely between a father and 9 year old son? His son always has to be hanging on him or touching him in some way. Either stretching his legs over his dads, laying his head on his dad's lap, touching him with his feet all the time, or leaning up against him. I understand some of this is normal like leaning up against him, but laying his head on his lap seems a bit odd to me. Just last year when he was 8 years old, he asked his dad if he could take a shower with him... and he still sometimes asks to sleep with him.

I am aware that I have some jealous tendencies, etc. His son is now with us 50% of the time, and he has a good mother (I don't like her one bit, but she is a good mother). Is the relationship between my husband and his 9 year old completely normal and it's just my jealousy coming out?

nengooseus's picture

As far as the Dada thing, I agree it's weird, but apparently people call their parents infantile names all the time. BM refers to her mother as Mama, for example.

As for the other stuff, you mentioned that he's "now" with you 50% of the time. Was it different before?

My skids are very physically possessive with DH. They like to be a physical block to everything and everyone else when they're with us, so we deal with that a lot. My DH, unlike yours, from the sounds of it, will address it with them, and make them stop getting between us, or from hanging all over him.

Your issue is with your DH.

ESMOD's picture

Is your DH non-custodial? That might explain some of the cling on behavior and the DH feeling badly that he isn't spending every possible minute with his son that he doesn't live with full time.

I do think you probably are letting your jealousy get the better of you. Love is not a competition and you certainly can't win if you try to make it into one.

Everyone is different. Just because his son seems more immature doesn't mean he is completely abnormal.

I can guarantee you will not have any success pointing out this child's faults or attempt to show your husband that his child is immature etc... My advice is to let this go (unless you are suspecting your husband is molesting his son or some other horrible event that the child needs protection from).

uofarkchick's picture

Sounds like "dada" is just the kid's nickname for his father. If he wants to sound like a baby in front of other people, then so be it. Let it go.

The son obviously hasn't been taught to respect other people's personal space. Putting your feet on someone is rude. But again, not your kid so you're going to have to let it go.

I'm guessing this is why the kid only has online friends. He probably gives his real life friends the creeps.

sunshinex's picture

I would leave it alone, but yeah, it's pretty weird. The only one who should be trying to put a stop to it is DH. He should tell him he's speaking like a baby and he won't respond to baby talk because he's 9. But some parents like keeping their kids childish forever.

Tuff Noogies's picture

monkey i think that's a southern thing! i hear plenty of adults down here refer to their momma and daddy. up north they use the terms mommy and daddy, but around kindergarten it transitions to just mom and dad for the rest of life, so it'd be VERY weird to hear an adult say it.

as far as the laying all over, i dealt with that with kaos. it was maddening. he's still up dh's @$$ all the time but at least he eventually did grow out of the "must be physically touching at all times" phase.

--figureditout--'s picture

My youngest is 11 and calls me Momma. Oldest is 14, and he calls me Mum...dunno why, but it's his thing. Both are southern born and raised. I still call my parents Momma and Daddy. They are older and I am now the only living child. My father was born and raised in Texas, so that may be where I learned it. DH calls his mother Momma as well. He is a California boy. SD called DH Papa for some reason and referred to her stepfather as Daddy Hisfirstname. She called her mother Mommy. I never allowed her to call me anything related to mother. We made up a name for me or she called me by my given name. SS calls me mom and it creeps me out. SD and SS do have different mothers.

Acratopotes's picture

I would not care one bit lol...... so what if the kid calls his father Dada? Why was he not taught from a young age, Dad... why do people teach these baby words to children and then have an issue about it later in life? (not saying you did this)

Just let it go when SS is a teen and he talks about his Dada in front of his friends, 2 things can happen, either they laugh and tease him or he starts a new thing where all teens call their fathers Dada...

Hellogoodbyemoon's picture

My SD(9) was calling my DH "Dada" and it drive my absolutely insane. She would say it in this sing song, whiney, baby voice and it would just make my skin crawl. Its definitely different than "daddy", "dada" is for children who can't pronounce the word DADDY yet.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

I wish I knew... Personally I think calling your father "dadda" when you can form perfect sentences is an issue. But what do I know, my SD19 and SD17 still call their father "Daddeeeee" and everyone seems to think that is acceptable too.

"Dadda" is usually what babies learning to talk say - not 9 yr olds.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I'm from what is considered "the west" and in rural areas "Daddy" is common. My Mom called her father "Daddy" until the day he died. I did the same with my Dad - and I was never a "Daddy's Girl."

I do remember starting in Junior High I referred to him as "Dad" when talking to other people - but in the family he was always "Daddy."

I don't know why people get so upset about nicknames. They are just that, and all families have differing standards.

2true's picture

My nephew and I are close. He would hold my hand when we went to the mall when he was 10yo. He was probably the same height as me and I remember someone calling me a dirty old woman (I was 28yo) like I was abusing him. I was horrified. My nephew, being the secure person he is, put his arm around my neck and kept walking. I was more upset than him.

I don't have a problem with family showing love to each other as long as it's not sexual. I think it's nice that your DH and his son are close. Even 50% time with either parent is difficult. Either way you look at it your SS is missing out on the other parent which is never ideal for a child or parent.

Kids grow up quickly, no point rushing it.

SugarSpice's picture

sounds like infantile baby talk. i hear women in there twenties call their mothers mommy.