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What I have learned after 16 years of being a non-custodial SM

littleladybug's picture

A mother who loves her children doesn’t use them as an ATM card.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t use them to dig for information about the other parent.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t use them to constantly sue for more money.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t tell them that their father doesn’t pay child support when he does.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t interfere with visitation time.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t listen in on phone calls the children have with their father.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t move them out of the country without telling the father.

A mother who loves her children spends the child support money on the children.

A mother who loves her children financially supports the children too. It is not just the responsibility of the father.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t play head games with them.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t use the children to create drama.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t use them for control.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t actively work to make sure the kids don't want to see their own father.

A mother who loves her children doesn’t try to use them as her entitlement train into the sunset. Child support ends. Accept it.

Comments

Buffy's picture

A mother who loves her children doesn't get rid of them every single weekend and holiday, and put teenagers to bed at 7pm because she never wants to spend any time, attention or money on them because that's "their father's job".

A mother who loves her children but never wants them around doesn't hang onto them just to get loads of child support and benefits.

A mother who loves her children doesn't get them to lie to their father, their teachers, their doctors and other adults about her live in boyfriend just so she won't lose alimony payments and benefits.

A mother who loves their children doesn't train them to lie to and hate their father and stepmother.

Acratopotes's picture

A Mother who loves her children will not use them as Pawns in short

Monchichi's picture

A mother who loves her children will not prevent them from receiving a proper education and medical care.

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

A mother who loves her children doesn't tell them their father never wanted them. No matter how much she hates him.

A mother who loves her children doesn't put their abusive DH above them.

A mother who loves her children would do anything to get them back.

A mother who loves her children keeps them out of their adult problems and issues.

Thumper's picture

Very sad isnt it. To think that a women would follow thru on such awful atrocities against the child she gave birth too for me clearly indicates a mental health concern (s)

Now, remove child support awards and things will quickly quickly change.

Not all child support ends at 18---be very careful ladies you may be for a huge shock.

thinkthrice's picture

Let's see how MOTY GUBM Girhippo who WORKS for CHILD PROTECTIVE rates:

1. fail
2. EPIC FAIL
3. fail (digs for more $$ every court session)
4. HUGE GINORMOUS EPIC FAIL (Chef has been OVERPAYING for 12 years she tells them "mommy pays for EVERYTHING")
5. EPIC FAIL
6. EPIC FAIL
7. fail (she moved farther away when we moved closer to them but not out of the country)
8. EPIC FAIL (no tutoring despite skids failing school, but they bought an Outerbanks vacay home)
9. fail (at least she works her 35 hours a week after desiring to live on CS alone and before finding a sugar daddy)
10. GINORMOUS EPIC FAIL (fake CPS reports--getting skids to lie, etc.)
11. EPIC FAIL (see #10)
12. EPIC FAIL (considers skids a vestige of her physical body with no mind of their own)
13. GINORMOUS EPIC FAIL (scorched earth PASinator)
14. That ship has yet to sail, but she's scrambling to extend it for YSS (14) till age 24 so EPIC FAIL

Pecanflower's picture

A mother who loves her children will phone them on days other than just holidays.

A mother who loves her children will provide some sort of support or nurturing to her son.

A mother who loves her children will not use them to get attention from charities while never seeing the children herself.

BSgoinon's picture

Whoohoooo I win. I mean, I always FELT like I love my kids but I totally passed this test with flying colors.

But seriously, I have 2 kids with my ex and haven never done anything you listed. It's not that hard to be a decent person when you truly DO LOVE YOUR KIDS more than yourself!

littleladybug's picture

Awesome, BSgoinon. You are so far ahead of many BMs. And your kids will benefit from that. Kudos to you!

Peridwen's picture

A mother who loves her children does not pit them against each other.

A mother who loves her children does not tell her son he's stupid.

A mother who loves her children does not promise them things they want, tell Dad she refuses to pay for it, then blames Dad for not allowing it when he can't afford it on his own.

A mother who loves her children doesn't attempt to fill every single hour of the time they have with activities that they don't want just so she doesn't have to parent.

A mother who loves her children doesn't tell her son he's fat, then only offer him cake and candy for dinner. (I should note SS10 is starting to develop a bit of a potbelly. Honestly it's the same potbelly he gets right before he jumps up a couple of inches in height, but to BM he is getting fat.)

littleladybug's picture

Thanks everyone for your contributions! Smile

The court order has been done and over with for a year now and the adult step kids have completely cut my husband out of their lives. This was BM's goal from the outset and she got what she wanted. The past years of step kingdom have entailed watching the stepkids' treat my husband like crap, and watching my husband take whatever scraps the skids were willing to throw his way.

There is no longer a relationship with his grown kids mostly due to the mother's behavior, lawsuits, manipulation, and sociopathic behavior.

My take away lesson from all of my years of watching the behavior of a vindictive ex wife who uses her kids as weapons is this: Someday if my own little girl tells me she has fallen in love with a man who has kids I am going to tell her- - not no-- but HECK NO.