Christmas

Twix's picture

Just curious how everyone plans on sorting out Christmas gifts between step kids and a shared bio kid. I was googling this topic and saw a lot of people saying that the children should have an equal amount spent on them even though the step kids get two Christmases.

robin333's picture

I agree LF. I hate the notion that everything needs to fair at the expense of appreciative offspring and common sense. How does that prepare kids to function as an adult?

Please don't be offended, you get a trophy too.

Twix's picture

Thank you, that's exactly what has been floating around in my head. I had read way too much on other sites saying you must spend the same on the kids regardless if they are yours or not otherwise they will be traumatized for life. And that whole concept just didn't sit right with me.

Twix's picture

That's awesome! I cannot stand greedy kids .... I think most are to some degree but some ...smh. Maybe I should see the disgusting amount of high end clothes and electronics given by BM to the skids as a teaching moment to my own son .. fingers crossed.

ETA she doesn't work but has popped out a couple more kids so I think she gets a nice sum from the government and at least three different CS. Oh and she backyard breeds little dogs in her basement (so sad). Hence why it frustrates me that she can buy this stuff.

Twix's picture

Holy! geez I would just sneak my name on one of those gifts lol.

The four gift thing? Is that the something you want something you need something to wear and something to read? That's what I'm planning on doing with the toddler (I don't want him getting used to getting a ton of crap because that's what most of it is!) I'm just hoping to get DH on board with the skids. And then I was thinking my little extra for my bio baby would be to put some money in his resp.

WalkOnBy's picture

I do one thing they want, one thing they need, one thing to wear and one thing to read.

I have been doing that for my kids since the day they were born. My kids get gifts from me and my family, Asshat's family, Money-Ka's family - soooo many gifts!!

My mom and my dad and SM buy gifts for the skids. Skids get gifts from DH and his family, from my family and from Medusa's family.

Skids get 2 Christmases and Medusa's parents spend $500 per kid!!! It's disgusting. It really is.

twoviewpoints's picture

IMO, Christmas, when celebrated with all the kids present, should appear fairly equal. Meaning no giving one kid a 'special' Christmas while the other two kids get a fraction. That's not to say, however, the 24/7 bio 'our' kid won't perhaps receive additional gifts from you/Santa when the other two are celebrating with their other parent.

Several things to keep in mind. If you spend $150 on a (example) 12yr old, it doesn't mean you must spend $150 on a 2yr old. Also, ifs come in various prices so if Kid A gets one pricey item and Kid B gets three gifts of a 1/3 of the value each... it's still 'fair'. It's not necessarily the number of presents.

Finally, whether the skids have two Christmas or ten is not the point. This is Dad's one and only Christmas with him. What their mother does as to Christmas with them is irrelevant. Dad shouldn't be asked to celebrate less with/for his first set of kids based on what goes on at BM's. Dad sets his budget, selects his gifts and has his celebration.

Not everything you buy and give your 'our bio' has to be a wrapped presented gift either. You're quite free to bring home clothes and treats anytime all year round.

Twix's picture

I'm not sure what you think I've written in my post to elicit your response. I agree with your first two paragraphs although I could easily spend $150 on a child of any age!

Your third paragraph really just gives me the vibe of first set of kids/first dibs aaaand I'm not digging it.

And thank you I didn't know I could just go buy my child gifts and treats ... this poor kid grew out of his clothes two weeks ago, he would have had quite the wait until I could wrap his new ones for Christmas.

moeilijk's picture

My kid's b'day falls around two gift-giving holidays, and she's the only grandkid/niece. She gets tons. I spent $1.50 for all three occassions, total.

We also take 3/4 of her stuff and put it away for a few months at a time. Too many toys is so overwhelming. Ha, even for me... STalk? TV? Read a book? Take a bath? OMG THE PRESSURE!

Thumper's picture

Word of wisdom from my own personal experience. This is an added thought.

We would tell my dh's ex "BM" what WE were buying their kids to open up at our place. Just to be decent, thoughtful--you know the deal.

WELL she had to have them for the first part of Christmas vacation (OF COURSE)

Low and behold as the kids were opening their things at our place we heard OH We got this too at MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSS

The first year this happened we thought WOW that is odd. :?

The second year when the same circumstances occurred we know it was on purpose.

We never told her again.

Hopefully your husbands ex is nice and decent.

Twix's picture

What a B.

The ex over here is not decent or nice so I will keep that cautionary tale in mind if she comes snooping around.

robin333's picture

My skids are adults in age so probably not applicable to your situation. I buy for my DD, not an ours baby. DH and I have shared finances and bring home equal amounts. I get Visa gift cards for skids, $100 a piece.

I will not be making sure this gets done this year. As much as I would like DH to have a real relationship with his offspring, I realize I can't want it for them as well. And I am really tired of them treating my DH like a wallet and like sh*t all other times.

I do not believe that gifts should be fair based on monetary value. I much rather give or receive a less expensive more thoughtful or meaningful gift than a generic expensive gift. There have been years where that hundred skids receive for Christmas and their birthday is more than I spend on DD.