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What does CS cover?

Twix's picture

This is a topic DH and I struggle with. Neither one of us are ever quite certain if he should be contributing on top of CS.

DH pays the monthly amount laid out in the court order. There are no other stipulations about sharing costs of child expenses. But BM is constantly asking him to pay for or split things for the skids. For example, things like field trips, camps, pizza days, Halloween costumes etc.

The latest was winter coats. We picked up our one year old a coat from a garage sale (really nice and only 5 bucks) and then here BM comes asking for $150 per kid (there's 2 of them) to split the cost of their winter jackets. We don't have a problem buying nice things if it's good quality and will last but it's hard when you know next winter they will have outgrown their $300 dollar jackets and need a new ones. I'm thinking he should either say CS covers that or I've bought them coats and pick some up from goodwill.

We make sure they have a wardrobe here so I don't see why he should be contributing to their wardrobe at BMs. Also if they are here and need something, like a haircut, he takes them for it (I doubt she's gotten their haircut once in the last 3 years).

Just looking for everyone's opinions and experiences to share with DH because I think he honestly doesn't know where to draw the line.

uofarkchick's picture

Sounds like he is being a reasonable and responsible parent. She sounds like a greedy and entitled ho.
The best advice I've learned here is that "NO" is a complete sentence.

MineAndYours's picture

According to our lawyer extra ordinary expenses (shared)fall under:
1. Extra curricular - Camps, Band trips and major fees, and fees for hockey, dance, etc.
2. Uninsured medical expenses
3. Tutoring and post secondary (if you live in Canada)

CS covers food, clothing and accessories, lodging, school supplies, and graduation fees (not a necessity). Winter clothing, including boots are most definitely covered in CS. There is no way that we could compete with our BM in regards to cloths for the Skids...they have brand name or nothing! It's actually sickening.

Edited to note that the shared expenses are usually split in proportion to income.

Twix's picture

Thank you! I'll show him this.

We had struggles the past couple summers with extra curricular activities, for example he gave his half for basketball camps that they never got signed up for. Plus he will ask her for the information so that he can see what it costs because we've caught her asking for more than what the activity actually costs. So now he only signs them up (and pays) for things he can take them to and tells her my half is in the CS when she starts on about activities she wants them in.

This seems to work as he wants his kids to be able to have these activities but is sick of getting taken advantage of. I guess we should just keep record in case she ever takes him to court saying he won't pay half!

Twix's picture

Nope nothing in the court order. Yes he asks for receipts and when she wouldn't show (or hadn't paid yet) he would look up and more often than not it would be cheaper than what she had told him.

MineAndYours's picture

Never pay anything without receipts first! OR pay directly to the camp or whatever the activity is. be clear that if a refund is warranted that your share returns to you!

notsobad's picture

Only ever pay directly to the camp or program and only pay for items after she produces the receipt.

BM used to over charge DH horrendously. She'd say it was $$$$ when it was really $
One of the reasons she hates me so much is because I was the one who pointed out to him that she was lying about costs. She told him it was costing her $1200 to fly SD home from school, I showed him online that the most expensive flight 1st class was only $1000. And she sure wasn't flying 1st class!

twoviewpoints's picture

These are 8&10 year old. $300 coats? :O

Ridiculous. If she were perhaps talking coat, snow pants, boots, hat/scarf/gloves I could see $150-$200. But how often are the kids with Dad. If it's 50/50 , fine. If it's EOWE and dinner on Wednesday, for example, no. Keep a clean decent coat (goodwill is ok) along with extra hats, gloves et at your house. She can buy what she pleases for her house and time on her dime.

Twix's picture

Most years DH's mom (my MIL) has just picked them up in the states for cheaper and then asked DH to reimburse her (super annoying as she does this a lot) but at least she gets things at reasonable prices.

Edited to add: she did send him a text saying she was looking at coats and would he pay half, 20 minutes later a second text telling him how much he now owed her.

We were away this weekend (first weekend away since our 1 year old was born yay!) but ya so he didn't see either message till about an hour later.

Twix's picture

Oh she's all about labels. All the clothes she gets them are brand name. Drives a BMW, rents in the best area of town - but doesn't work. I'm always over here scratching my head thinking "how the hell....."

twoviewpoints's picture

And as soon as that coat gets dirty or worn outside to actually play and gets a tear, BM will squeal her head off.

Twix's picture

Oh geez she sounds lovely :/

DH told her no about school supplies (he told her use the CS I gave you plus he bought all the supplies last year). Well she sent him deadbeat dad texts and yelled at him a couple times. Then the skids come over (first visit after school starting) and they start telling him they don't have the supplies they need so he went out and bought them.

Very frustrating situation. We didn't know how to handle it other than get them what they needed.

Twix's picture

Right?! That's the kind of shopping I like to do. So it really makes me cringe. We can afford to pay her but it's really the principle of it all. Full price brand name? Not how we like to shop!