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Going crazy

Blamemom's picture

When I first met DH and his son my Ds was just 6 months old. We shared a sitter and hit it off and what I didn't know then, which became apparent once everyone was attached, was that DH and my now SS12 both had ADHD.

Their shared disability makes it hard for them to see eye to eye and our 12 year old is constantly screaming and yelling at us about how unfair and evil we are. Mostly me of course because when things go wrong blame mom.

most days it's like living with a snotty, whiny, mean selfish monster.

I advocate for him at the doctors and at school, I ensure he has what he needs. I do a lot for him, and 99% of the time his response is to treat me like crap.

I have tried to just walk way and not do anything for him, but he's 12... I know that on many levels it's not him, it's his diability.

I just don't know how much more hostility I can take...

Comments

Step dads nightmare's picture

I'm new to this blog. I'm at my end. Been married 6.5 years to my second wife. Her youngest son is now 15 yrs old. He has ADHD. He has stolen thousands of dollars from me in tools and other things. I was a narcotics agent and he stole a pair of $2,000 binoculars from me. He only admits to these things when he is caught red handed. He has admitted to wanting to split us up. His teachers have complained of his behavior. He recently stole his brothers favorite pair of shoes and cut them into shreds. He recently knocked holes in his bedroom walls. He almost burned our house down because he likes fire. Teachers and physcologist shave said he needs to be tested. My wife says he's just a troubled teen. I never dreamed of doing the things he's done and doing when I was his age. In the end, every time I end up getting the blame. These are only a small portion of the things he does. My wife will take him to a physchiayrist to stop taking him when they say he needs testing. I'm at my end. ANY ADVICE?

ntm's picture

Starting fires is a huge warning of a seriously disturbed person. Your SS is beyond normal teen behavior. He needs to go to an intake facility now. I speak as someone who used to work at a school for troubled children. Starting fires got them sent to real juvie on an immediate one way ticket.

Blamemom's picture

ADHD is also characterized by delayed executive functions and impulse control. Hence not being able to recall that the last time he gave into impulse and was a dick it didn't end well...

Maxwell09's picture

Mmm. I would be careful if I were you; it sounds as if he is acting out and you are letting it slide because you are chalking up his bad behavior to ADHD. Having a disability doesn't make his actions any more right and it's definitely not a crutch you should let him use to mistreat/disrespect adults. He can't walk around yelling at teachers and parents then saying "oh but it's okay because I have ADHD;" I'm pretty sure that's not how that disorder works. A bad attitude and rude disposition doesn't stem from having the inability to pay attention, its from the lack of parenting.

Blamemom's picture

Disney mom. She sees him once and awhile and had no rules or restrictions. She may be moving soon so we will have less interference.

Blamemom's picture

Actually we make it clear when dealing with him that while he has a disability there is no excuse for being rude etc.
He still has no clear concept of what his disability is and has never blamed acting up on it.
We just had a dr apt and they feel he may actually be on the spectrum and that's why he's so ridged and unable to understand some social norms. At the end of the day it doesn't lessen the drama tho. I would ❤️ the husband to do more but because hey have the same disability they seem to get on like oil and water.