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Why do skids choose to believe their mother's lies?

Salems Lot's picture

Can anyone explain to me why skids choose to believe everything their mother tells them even when the BM is lying and the truth is obvious and right in front of their eyes? AND why do skids repeat those same lies as if they are God given facts?

Comments

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

If you didn't grow up with a dysfunctional parent, then it's really hard to understand the visceral longing of WANTING to believe so badly this person you love beyond rhyme or reason could lie to you on purpose. The love a child has for a parent, particularly their mother, often defies logic--because the only alternative explanation they could come up with is that their parent doesn't actually care about them and only about themselves, and whether you are 3 or 30, this realization can be so painful to even touch that many choose to ignore it altogether for favor of just believing because it's more comfortable.

It's really, really sad.

DaizyDuke's picture

I agree... I was thinking it's probably the same reason that these Disney Dad's want to believe everything some of these skids tell them when they have been flat out busted in lie after lie and the proof of lies is right in front of their face. They want so badly for their kids to be decent human beings that they "overlook" the obvious.

So_Annoyed's picture

^^^^^^ This ^^^^^^^

I have no idea why, but it seems to be the way it is no matter what.

BM is a meth-head, in and out of jail, and basically homeless - yet SD thinks she can do no wrong, looks up to her, and chooses to not believe the truth. I tell SD to clean up her mess and I'm the devil. Go figure.

ESMOD's picture

My SD's know their mamma isn't perfect. The YSD will still back her mom up. Every.Time.

She is currently in a war with her older sister's family to be (due to the impending baby) because her mom got into it with the babydaddy's sister.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

That's SS17 exactly. He KNOWS his mother is mentally ill, he KNOWS she's mentally abuse, he just can't accept it.

Disneyfan's picture

People tend to believe and/or believe in the people they love. Even when the person proves time and time again that they are toxic.

Kids do it with their parents, and many women do it with their husbands. The power of love can be both wonderful and dangerous

AJanie's picture

Whore BM's words will always be gospel to skids. She's an idiot who wholeheartedly believes she is a genius, a supermodel, a goddess. Delusional visions of grandeur. Her kids eat it right up. For awhile I held onto hope that they would see through her, now I am trying to accept that they probably never will.

thinkthrice's picture

dup

notasm3's picture

We were very poor when I was a child. About a third of the kids at my school lived in the projects, about another third lived in a group foster home(like an orphanage except these kids had parents). Many of the kids went back and forth between foster care and the projects.

I was very young - but I remember my mother telling me that these kids always wanted to be with their mother (she probably said father too - but there were not that many fathers still around for all too many). No matter how bad the parents were.

Salems Lot's picture

Thank You everyone for your responses. From all the comments, I can safely say that SO and I are shit out of luck to ever expect the skids to someday realize that their mother is a deceitful and manipulative woman. My guess is that even if a judge told them in court and shows them the evidence, they will still believe their mother.

ESMOD's picture

I think it's even more typical for kids to side with their mother since she in most cases has been their primary caregiver. That's who they relied on most so they want to believe she is a good person at all cost.

Thumper's picture

In it inherent to stick with the pack as a protection Doesn't matter if mom/dad is good/bad/indifferent, liar, manipulator, crack head....

That is why anyone who claims Pathogenic Parenting "Parental Alienation" is junk science is wrong. Kids want to be with their parents, they just do.

kathc's picture

Because nobody with a golden uterus could ever utter a lie!

I can sort of understand how the skids will believe the lying whores but what really gets me is when our DHs believe them. I've said, more than once, "In the entire time you've known her exactly how many times has she actually told the truth?" when confronted with another of her ridiculous lies that he believes until I show him the gaping holes in the story.

notasm3's picture

Me - I dont't give an "eff" what SS30s relationship with his mother is. When DH and I were first together she wanted me to step up and provide for the worthless POS SS as her DH forbade her to do so. SS was often homeless and had NOTHING to his name. BM's DH forbade her to do anything for him (not that I blame him).

Now that SS has produced a grandchild with the GF BM is all on board. I still don't GAF. The GF has a very supportive mother so the child will not be abused. They can all go eff themselves as far as I am concerned.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Because people will go to their grave trying to get their mother's approval and love. My dad told me that on the battlefield when people were dying, they would call out for their mother even if she was a sorry piece of shit. It was the last thing they would say, calling out for their mother as they were dying. He also said Americans, Koreans and Chinese all would do the same thing. It must be a horrible feeling knowing your mother don't love you because if your mother don't love you, how can anyone else is their thinking.

AlmostDone's picture

Skids believe/repeat every lie BM makes up, even though they are all teens and know better.
Three years ago BM decided that she no longer wanted to parent the skids and they would live with DH full time (was 50/50). She had them haul their own beds and miscellaneous belongings to the dumpster at her apartment complex. She dumped all of their remaining belongings in our front yard and the kids returned from school one day saying "mom says we are living with you full time now". Yet they repeat her lies that DH "stole custody" and BM fought to keep the kids living with her, but DH bribed the police and judge to kidnap them in the middle of the night and bring them to DH's house.

BM rarely pays her child support (less than $200/mo) and does not reimburse DH for her portion of medical expenses. Yet all three kids have repeatedly stated to DH and others that their BM is a poor single mom raising three kids all on her own because they have a deadbeat dad and she is poor because she pays ALL of our household bills in child support.

They don't care what the facts are. It's frustrating and hurts DH, but I think they need to cling to the fantasy that their mom actually wants them.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

It's biological - it is ingrained in them while still in the womb and unfortunately almost impossible to change.