I CAN'T STAND MY 2 STEP KIDS. IS THIS NORMAL? I FELL REALLY GUILTY ABOUT IT
My husband and I got married in April after living together for 2 years. He has 8 year old twins (a boy and a girl). They are HORRIBLE!!!!!! They act like 2 year old instead of almost 9 year old. They can't do anything for themselves. They can't open doors (car or house). They can't get a drink for themselves. They can't tie thier own shoes. When they go to the bathroom they don't wipe themselves, flush the toilet or wash thier hands. I know this is disgusting but one of them (have no idea which one) went to the bathroom got poop on thier hands and wiped it on the wall in the bathroom. Sometimes they don't even bother to go to the bathroom and just pee in thier pants. The girl is a constant bed wetter. Every time she comes to our house she pees all over the bed or the couch, wherever she happens to fall asleep. I have put my foot down and refused to let them spend the night anymore because they have ruined furniture because they constantly pee on them. It has gotten to the point that we can't even take them anywhere. When they are at our house we are prisoners. If we absolutely have to go to the store it's a total nightmare. They grab things off the shelves, knock stuff over, touch everything in sight, and run out in traffic right in front of cars or just simply wander off. We can't let them around out pets, because they nearly killed my 2 lb chihuahua. They have been told NUMEROUS times to leave the dog alone but they continue to fight over her and have dropped her numerous time. They are not mentally disabled in any way. They do well in school and get excellent grades. The girl is EXTREMELY jealous of me and her father. If we touch in anyway she is jumping in between us. Even if we are walking down the street and holding hands she will do everything to seperate us. She will sit in the floor on on the couch next to her brother and pinch him or hit him and he doesn't say a word until he gets to the point where can't take anymore and he either yells at her or hits her back. She will then start crying and he gets in trouble. She even gets to the point where she makes herself throw up in order to get attention. I have a 14 year old that lives with me full time and they will go into her room at night while my husband and I are sleeping and completely destroy her room. They will cry that they are starving, so when we fix them food they take two bites and throw it away. I resent the fact that we struggle everyday for money because he pays SO much in child support that I have a hard time taking care of my daughter. I can't buy her shoes and things that she needs for school and my husband gets upset when she says that she needs makeup or something for herself, but yet he pays child support every week, plus medical insurance for the kids, but then wants to go out and buy them school supplies and school clothes and whatever else they want. While my daughter is on Medicaid to have medical insurance.
My husband acts like he is scared to death of thier mother. She is a little on the crazy side. She is constantly telling him that she is going to take him back to court because he is not paying enough child support or he is not paying for half of the medical bills. But whatever she wants he bends over backwards to give it to her. She is a nurse and works alot. She will call him at the last minute and demand that he pick up the kids from daycare of where ever they are regardless of plans that him and I might have. On Halloween this year him and I decided that we were not going to take the kids trick or treating. That we just didn't care to do that this year. Thier mother said that she was going to take them and asked if we could at least get them into thier costumes so that when we took them home they would be ready to go. No problem. Since we were going to have a quite night just the two of us after they left I decided to cook a nice dinner for us after the kids left. I started cooking dinner and he was getting the kids ready to leave. He left around 6:30 in the evening to take them home. I guess halfway there his ex called and told him that she was not going to take the kids out that night. Instead of calling to let me know, he just took it upon himself to take them out. I waited for over an hour before I finally called him to find out where he was and found out what he was doing. I was furious. I ended up eating dinner by myself. When I asked him why he hadn't called me to tell me what was going on he said that I could have called him to find out where he was. I think it is his responsibility to tell me when he changes the plans.
The kids come to our house every other weekend on Saturday from around 8am to about 6pm. I start dreading thier visit on Tuesday and it puts me in a horrible mood. I feel so guilty about the fact that I don't want them around. I have tried to change how I feel about them and tried to like them, but every time they are around it's like thier behavior gets worse. It has gotten to the point that when they are there I don't even come out of my bedroom until they leave. I have spoken to my husband about this many times and he says that he understands and agrees with me about the kids behavior but he still gets mad at me when I don't want to be around them. I don't know what to do at this point.
my child's father is in her
my child's father is in her life. We have joint custody and she sees him every weekend. That is why no one knows that the kids are in her room, because no one is in there. She is not home on weekends. He does pay child support but only $94 a week. Not that much. Yes, I did know how the kids behaved before we got married, but it has gotten worse since we got married. I guess I was naive and thought that things would change and get better, but they have gotten worse. I guess that's my own stupidity and I have no one to blame for that but myslef
It wont' get any better as
It wont' get any better as they grow older either.
Don't feel guilty for not
Don't feel guilty for not liking your stepkids. Most of us on here don't like our step kids either. I would be in misery living in your situation. Unfortunately your stepkids parents have failed to instill any kind of parenting on these kids. The only thing you should feel bad about is not being able to provide things for your child. It is not your DH's responsibility. His obligation is to you and HIS kids. You and your ex are responsible for your daughters things. You will have to disengage if you expect to stay married to him and live thru this misery. Its the only way.
LOL!
LOL!
"I resent the fact that we
"I resent the fact that we struggle everyday for money because he pays SO much in child support that I have a hard time taking care of my daughter. I can't buy her shoes and things that she needs for school and my husband gets upset when she says that she needs makeup or something for herself, but yet he pays child support every week, plus medical insurance for the kids, but then wants to go out and buy them school supplies and school clothes and whatever else they want. While my daughter is on Medicaid to have medical insurance."
The fact that you don't have enough money to support your daughter and she's on Medicaid, isn't your husband's fault. He and is ex-wife aren't parenting their kids worth a damn, but they are providing for the.
You and your daughter's father are the only one responsible for support her, not your husband or the rest of us tax payers. It may be time for you and your ex to get 2nd jobs in order to provide for your daughter.
Your husband shouldn't decrease the financial support he provides for his children in order to help you provide for your daughter.
I kindof thought this was odd
I kindof thought this was odd too that she complained about what her husband spends on his kids. That is really irrelevant to what she and her EX should be contributing to the care of her daughter.
I am curious though. Does your current husband carry his children on his work's medical insurance? At my company, stepkids can also be on your policy and they don't even have to live with you. There is no cost difference between 2 kids and 3 (or 1 and two for that matter)..basically it is a "family plan".
The other question is why you and your Ex don't earn enough between the two of you to buy shoes for your daughter? Are you not working? Theoretically, the 376 paid by your ex should also be added to by you and your financial contributions. So, it seems that should leave money for shoes in there somewher.
It could be that because he
It could be that because he pays support and then pays for extra, he doesn't have the money to put toward their joint bills which causes her to have to pay more to get the bills paid. My hubby's ex does this to us..refuses to buy the children school uniforms. if they aren't in uniforms, they're kicked out of school so to avoid it, my hubby will pay for them ON TOP of the child support he pays. This takes away what he can pay for our joint bills and they have to be paid so I pay his share.
Leave the home 20 hours per
Leave the home 20 hours per month and let your dh parent his kids then. Then you do not have to be around. Arrange to work that day or volunteer or visit somebody. make it a routine. Being that he has chosen to have hardly any contact with them at your urging he also bears responsibility for how they are. He should not have to pay for your child's makeup or anything else, that is up to you and your child's dad to make room in the budget for that if that is important to you.
I completely get how you
I completely get how you feel. I have twin step kids as well. One boy and one girl. They are 9. The boy is fine most of the time. Perfectly happy to do his own thing and play with his toys and just wants to be left alone. The girl is a freaking nightmare. She does whatever she has to to get attention from anyone that is in the room. Well everyone but me that is. They both hate me, because their mom talks so much crap about me it's unbelievable, even though she has NEVER spoken to me once in 3 years. She avoids me at all costs.
She has told the kids that I am a drug addict, that they don't have to listen to me when they are at my house, that they don't even have to speak to me so they don't. I overheard their dad talking to them once asking them why they don't speak to me and they said "Mom said that we don't have to talk to her. She does drugs anyway so we don't want her around". The girl has gone so far as to break out in sobs (very dramatic) and tell her dad that she wants him back at her mom's house. Keep in mind that they were 2 when their parents divorced.
They walk into MY house every other weekend, plop their little butts on MY couch and proceed to pretend that I'm not even in the room. I can be sitting right next to them and they act like they can see right thru me. At least their dad does come to my defense and tells them that if they can't act right and show me respect then they will not be allowed to come back to the house.
The girl is just awful. She does the whole baby talk thing and cries at the drop of a hat to get her dad's attention. She won't go five minutes without running up to him and latching on to what ever body part she can reach. She kisses his arms and his hands, then looks up at him and says "Dadda, I love you" in this little girl sing song voice. To be honest it's a little creepy. Actually, it's a lot creepy. My husband was a Marine so he still shaves his head and is usually cue ball bald. She will sit there and rub all over his head and kiss his head all the time. It really freaks me out. He does push her away because it makes him uncomfortable too, but 5 min later she's back again.
She uses the whole "I'm Scared" thing when she's at our house. She has even gone so far as to tell me that she is going to sleep in the bed with her Daddy and I can sleep on the couch. Luckily my husband put a stop to that real quick. He has said that she never acted like this when he was single, it was just when I came into the picture.
Worriedstepmom, you have
Worriedstepmom, you have taken a page from my book. I have twin steps: boy/girl but they're 17. Boy is good, girl is a total bitch. Has her father wrapped around her finger. I see right through her. We don't speak either. House is in my name, I pay the lions share of the bills because I make more and he pays CS. The daughter says she's afraid of people and can't go to school so the mother let her quit in January. She refuses to follow rules and my hubby is too afraid to stand up to her so he empowers her to continue to be a bitch. I warn you..it won't get any better as she gets older. Good luck. Thanks for sharing.
Don't feel guilty. Did you
Don't feel guilty. Did you dislike these kids before you got married or was it the signing of the marriage certificate that made it permanent and scary?
I get that you want your life with your husband to be just that. You don't like his kids. I get that.
It seems you expect your husband to like, love and take on your kid though. Perhaps he feels the same way about your kid.
He's obligated to his kids and has to pay CS. CS costs a lot and unless he's being tapped unfairly, there's nothing to be done about it. I resent every penny that goes out to my husband's kids...mainly cause I see BM spend it on herself and not them and then tap DH for more money...she tries. BM threatens DH all the time to sue him, change the custody, increase the CS. So, like your husband, mine is terrified of her and rolls over for her every need. If you have questions, speak with a men's rights attorney and have the peace of mind that your husband isn't being taken advantage of or paying too much etc.
You aren't contributing to his kid's CS I assume, so he shouldn't have to pay a cent for your little one. It's not his kid, unless he adopts her.
Both of you may have resentment toward the other's kids. I would keep finances separate or separate them now.
Trust me, there are a lot more dinners by yourself in store for you. Be strong and fair with your husband. He needs to stick to the plan and if the plan changes, he needs to let you know ASAP and bring flowers home.
Sorry. It's tough but you are not abnormal for not liking what his kids represent.
Neither of them are potty
Neither of them are potty trained?!? They need to see a doctor. At their age I would be worried there was something seriously wrong with them either physically of psychologically.
I feel no guilt at all about
I feel no guilt at all about not liking my husbands 18 year old son. He gives you nothing to like. He dropped out of school and cyber school at 15 and along with his mother lied about it. He refuses to work "for no minimum f*ing wage". He even proudly says he'd rather go back to selling drugs. He always complains about what he doesn't have or needs but makes no attempt to earn anything honestly. I make myself sick when he's here every other weekend. I start dreading it days before.
I hate my step daughter too.
I hate my step daughter too. She'll be 18 in October. Quit school too and her mom said it was fine. I too get worked up the day before they show up and then feel great the minute they leave. I'm starting to disengage but I can't take it much longer. I told my hubby I want out. It's tough and frustrating. Good luck.
I've felt many times it would
I've felt many times it would be better to divorce him tHan deal with the stress. He's coming tomorrow until Sunday. We can't go anywhere when he's here or have anyone over because he has no manners or social skills. I lose two weekends a month for him to come and lay around and beg for money
I'll keep this short. You
I'll keep this short. You and your daughter need to get out of there. If you think those kids are bad now, wait until they're teenagers. Something tells me you and your daughter are in for one HELL of a ride.
Don't worry about coulda, shoulda, woulda. You married him. You see how bad it is now. GET OUT before it gets any worse. Because it will.
And you married this abject
And you married this abject failure of a parent why? :jawdrop: