Frustration
I finally snapped today and ended up having a fight with my DH. We have 3 kids (one recently moved out) and all of them have CD and ADHD. Basically, they lie, steal, hurt eachother and themselves, hurt animals if we aren't watching them, fight all the time, never finish anything they start unless we are constantly on them and get in trouble at school. They are nightmares. All of their issues are genetic and thier BM had all the same issues, but DH didn't divorce her until she cheated on him because he was deeply religious at the time and it went against his beliefs. She OD from her various addictions but had lost all parental rights years ago anyway. I am just to my breaking point and lately can't see anything good in the kids anymore.
DH expects me to be loving and patient, but they aren't my kids. I didn't make them. I didn't raise them from babies. They are their BM's kids. I am tired of being lied to, stolen from and manipulated. If it was an occasional thing it would be one thing but it happens 6 out of 7 days that something is stolen, broken, or we are lied to about either something big or small. Ok... sure.. kids lie...but when they are caught on camera taking something and still come up with excuses after seeing it, I just dont't know what to do anymore. If the ages and gender matter:
18 yo Male: ASPD (recently moved out)
13 yo Female: CD
11 yo Female: ADHD and probably CD but undiagnosed at this time
These are life long MH issues
These are life long MH issues times three. No one rational would blame you for walking away. These children are not your responsibility. "Loving and patient" does not fix CD or ADHD. It makes me wonder if DH is a lazy parent. Do they have treatment? Therapy? Behavior specialists? Routine? CD children are at risk for personality disorders, mood or anxiety disorders, and substance abuse if they do not receive treatment.
Take care of you first.
The oldest is out on his own
The oldest is out on his own and I doubt he will continue treatment. The middle girl is switching to a new therapist as the old one didn't have the credentials for CD. She is also on a mood stabilizer though admittedly, im not sure how much that helps. The youngest one doesn't have a diagnosis since she is a bit young but we will be taking her in for an evaluation soon.
I'm just at my white end. I have taken a step back and no longer do their laundry, their dishes or pick up after them. They have set chores that they consistently fail to do that I have historically be on them about, and I have checked out of that. I am putting it on him to take care of it. I am just tired of fighting them. Parenthood is hard, and I get that, but this is next level and I'm exhausted.
Those kids are broken p
Therapist is not going to do anything. They need medication. You need an MD to do the meds. That is your only hope
Why stay in this relationship. With kids like this. It will never end. Either you totally disengage, and what ever happens to the kids, happens and you have no guilt. Or you will be living this for the rest of your life. There will always be something. The kids will used of everyone good will. Then there will be court , lawers, jail time and on and on.
For us who have go through this . This is the real life. No one day they will not snap out of it. They will not magically turn it around. And those medications. They stop them from sexual working You know the feelings you want to get. The drugs stop them. So it's better to have good sex, or actually working sex ,,then take drugs. Back to square one
The oldest is outside our
The oldest is outside our realm of control. The 13 and 11 are medicated but I'm not sure how much it helps. It basically just regulates the 13SD and helps the 11SD to focus.
Ya it is incredibly difficult but I love my husband and this is our only issue. He understands they are difficult and we both have struggles. I think he just has more love and history than I do.
Experience?
You seem like you have experience here.