AM I WRONG TO FEEL LIKE THIS
OK so SD13 and SD11 have been with us for a month visiting their BD. Cool. It's about time they get to know one another. Well both SDs don't have any rules or boundaries and BD doesn't want to be the bad guy. Meanwhile SD13 is not a very nice kid. SD11 is th middle kid and has some boundary issues. There has been so much drama back and forth that I am questioning my marriage. BD and I have a son..9 and tonight SD13 finally crossed a line and BD didn't do anything. Me SD11 and BS9 were sitting on a blanket coloring. She decided to start pulling the blanket from under us!!!! Discover BD say stop or ask her to use another blanket. Nope. He got upset with ME. I've had it. I've spent the last five weeks allowing these kids to ransack our home..bully our son..and continually disrespect me. I have zero say about anything and if I act unhappy I'm the one who's wrong. BD dotes on SD13 and completely shuns the other kids. I need some help. I'm feeling so lost and heartbroken.
River, if I really want to
River, if I really want to make a point I would cut it in half (if my husband paid for it). If I paid for it I would go and draw the cost of the blanket out of his account and just buy myself a new one.
Seriously? Do you only have one blanket for the couch?
I agree with above poster,
I agree with above poster, it's your DH that is allowing this behavior. He needs to step up and be the parent, you shouldn't have to. But since he won't, then do it and enforce the rules and boundaries. If he gets upset, remind him they are HIS kids and you are simply doing what he won't do.
As for the SD13, I really believe they act certain ways to get the result from the parent they want. Thus SD13 is acting how she is, knowing her father will try harder to make sure she is happy. The more unhappy she acts, the harder he tries to prove he loves her, etc. It's a sick and twisted game, it's a guilty parent game. "If I act all mopey and sad, my dad will notice and then do what I ask or want him to do so he doesn't think I'm unhappy or I dislike him". I've seen it time and time again, and I've seen it in my own home. I call my SD13 out on it when I see it starting.
This is completely on your
This is completely on your DH. HE is teaching SD how to behave and he is enabling her disrespect and awful attitude. I would've given her a verbal tongue lashing and told her to mind her goddamn manners..but that's just me.
Your DH is raising an entitled, selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful piece of shit. It this the type of young woman he wants to raise and be proud of? She sounds just awful. Next time she acts up get DH to act like the father he is and damn well TEACH her some manners!
YOU are not overreacting - HE is a piss-poor excuse for a parent.
Your DH is a total ahole
Your DH is a total ahole douchebag.
No you're not wrong to feel
No you're not wrong to feel like this...I have been in the exact same situation as you. I used to live together with my boyfriend(BD) up until 11 months ago. His kids now aged SD16 and SS14 visit every second weekend, SS also comes to visit every weekend and unannounced during the week.
SS has Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder and has to be dealt with in a particular manner, my SS has very violent tantrums and sometimes my boyfriend has to go to where his son lives with his BM to sort things out. SS only showers once a week..only when 'reminded'. SD has a smoking and drinking habit enabled by her BM. Spending days, weekends and vacations with these two kids became so unbearable that I decided to move into my own home for my sanity. Dealing with their nonsense,cleaning up after all of them(incl their BD) and working a 60 hour week, took its toll on me and I ended up pre-burnout .
BD has not really supported me unless the rudeness from his children was explicitly blatant, most of the time the rudeness happened when he wasn't in the room or at home.. a nightmare!!
I've tried being firm, setting boundaries, ignoring them, had to bite my tongue on too many occasions and have even been belittled at a birthday party by the SS in front of the entire family, whilst BD did nothing to support me. Your statement "I have zero say about anything and if I act unhappy I'm the one who's wrong." sums up precisely what I've endured.
Things have soured even further, because I have set boundaries and recieved little support from BD in maintaining them. Now I have chosen to no longer be there when the children are around and am preparing myself to end this relationship. Ive spent almost 5 years waiting and hoping for things to get better, to settle down and have a child with my boyfriend, but Ive come to realise that my needs, feelings and place will always come second to SS and SD.
Life is too short to be unhappy....follow your heart!
Put the Skids in a summer
Put the Skids in a summer hard labor behavioral outdoor camp. No longer your problem.
If they are toxic, outsource them for the summer to professionals who eat toxic little shits like them for lunch.
I firmly believe their
I firmly believe their parents teach their children how to treat us. I used to get upset with the Skids way they treated me. But now I realize their father has taught them how to treat me. I can't entirely blame them. Their parents have taught them to treat me and their SF like crap, that we are expendable. Of course, this took the luxury of being removed from the relationship but I read all these posts on here complaining about how we are treated and it's really the parent's fault/responsibility. You can stand up for yourself all you want but if the bio parent teaches that you don't matter - guess what? You don't!