Behavioral program for SS9, DH doesn't agree
I am new to the forums. Been wanting to get some feedback/vent for quite awhile and glad I found this website. I'm sure many posters will agree that it's hard to speak about these things with your DH/SO. Quick Background: My DH has two sons (age 9 and 6) from a previous marriage. I have no children and have never been married. I have a hard time feeling connected to them and feel stressed out whenever they are at our house because it feels like my house goes from peaceful to crazy and the kids take time to adjust to our rules. We have them EOWE and BM has primary custody.
SS9 has always had behavioral issues, even when DH was married to BM his behavior was not normal. He has been to countless doctors and been on many different types of medication. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder and ODD (Defiance Disorder). Doctors go back and forth about what his issues actually are and will change his diagnosis every 6 months it seems. His major problems occur at school and he has no respect for his mother but a little more respect for his dad. He has been held back, still can't read, is very delayed in all subjects in school (he tested in the 1% for all categories). He has always had IEP's in school and is in classroom for kids with similar issues. He has been suspended countless times for throwing things at people, kicking and punching teachers, fighting with students, jumping out of windows etc, etc. He has been "Baker Acted" (monitored in a institution overnight for his own safety) twice. BM has filed all paperwork to put him in a local In-Patient Behavioral center that specializes in his psychological needs and provides education. I agree that he needs to go as well based on our experiences and my education knowing that things can get a lot worse the older he gets (I went to school for child development). He will likely be there for 3-6 months. DH is pretty concerned. He thinks all of those places do more harm than good and that the employees are all crooked. Does anyone have experience with any In-Patient Behavioral centers for younger kids? Did they help at all? DH seems to be in denial over SS9's behavior as well and I frankly, feel relieved that he will potentially be getting the help he needs and I won't have to hear the school call DH every day for another issue. Any insight would be greatly appreciated! thank you.
Does BM have legal custody
Does BM have legal custody too? If so, she gets to make the decision.
DH & BM have equal say when
DH & BM have equal say when it comes to "medical" decisions. I'm fairly certain that DH could refuse the treatment for SS if he wanted to.
Yes, your DH can
Yes, your DH can disagree.
But, if he disagrees he had better have an acceptable alternative in mind. The child is beyond disagreeing and keeping status quo.
If he disagrees BM can go to court and get the treatment court ordered. If he goes this route he may find that the judge removes his legal right to refuse treatment.
At school, so far, none of his behavior has resulted in injury to another child. If it does, his father needs to realize that the parents of the injured child can go to the police and have him charged. The father needs to ask himself if he wants his child to get the appropriate help in an inpatient setting or in a juvenile detention facility.
I agree with this. I think
I agree with this. I think diet has a lot to do with some of his issues. BM is not very consistent and doesn't feel that diet is a problem.
DD went into a residential
DD went into a residential program in her teens and it was very good for her. They had counselors on site 24/7, doctors, tailored school program, the entire day and evening was structured, etc. She also got to meet other kids who had been horribly abused, which had contributed to their issues and realized that maybe I wasn't such a horrible mother after all. Our family was not perfect but we were also not abusive. It was a good reset for her. We visited 1x a week and did family counseling. She still had issues after her 6 week stint but it was much milder and she knew she'd have to go back if she screwed up.
My hope is that if it is
My hope is that if it is "bad" in his mind, at least he won't want to go back in and it may put a fire under his ass to change his behavior at home/school.