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Boyfriend sucks at parenting

RainbowPanda's picture

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. I moved in 6 months ago and he has a 7 year old son. My BF and his ex have 50/50 custody. I'm not sure what SS life is like at BM, but I've heard her yell to my boyfriend about him not disciplining and having zero routine. SS will be going into 1st grade and this is his 3rd school because his behavior is so bad the other two kicked him out. (Hitting, yelling, bitting, throwing chairs, etc). When I first met my BF he told me BM never disciplines her kid but I think it's the other way around. Just today SS had a fit and bit his dad. So his dad took away the TV. An hour later SS goes over to his dad " I'm sorry, Daddy. Can I watch something on TV? I promise I won't do it again." So his dad gave him back the TV. A while later SS and his dad go to the store, SS had a fit he had to go, and SS gets two new toys. So we make dinner and when it's almost done cooking grandma (dads mom) calls and ask if she can take SS to the movies. Dad says yes. Boyfriend then gives dinner to his son, who starts yelling he's not eating it, tells his dad to shut-up, calls him an idiot. Zero repercussions, still gets to see movie. This is EVERY week. He also gets new toys every week from BD or grandma (dad's mom). His toys are taking over our house. Even BM complines about how spoilt he is. SS bit his teacher one day and his dad got him a new toy that same day. His dad doesn't even enforce baths or teeth brushing because "it's not worth the fight." BM called once and said SS said he didn't have a toothbrush at dad's house (he does just probably didn't know because it never been used.) All stepson does when he's here is make a mess, and play R rating video games. Even simple chores like take your plate to the sink or pick up your dirty clothes he's not made to do. My boyfriend is also a awful role model for his son. He once encouraged the kid to shine a laser pointer in someone's eyes on the highway after they cut us off. I'm about ready to leave my relationship. I want kids of my own one day, but I don't want my future kids being around a kid like that or behaving like that. I think BM needs full custody.

notarelative's picture

Even if BM had full custody, the father will still have visitation. Full custody for BM will not fix this.

Your boyfriend is a problem that will not be solved by removing SS from his life. If he does not recognize the problem now, there is no reason to think he will change his parenting style with a child of yours. Do you want a child with a guy who will undermine every parenting decision you make?

leave this guy and do not have a child with him

Teas83's picture

Your boyfriend encouraged his son to shine a laser pointer at someone while driving? I'm sorry, but he sounds like a terrible human being. Who teaches their kids stupid shit like that?

twoviewpoints's picture

" I want kids of my own one day, but I don't want my future kids being around a kid like that or behaving like that. I think BM needs full custody."

:O but you want this man to be father of your future children?

This kid isn't the problem. Kid is just the product of Dad's 'parenting' and influence on the kid 50% of every month. Can you imagine this kid if Dad had him 100%.

" I'm about ready to leave my relationship."

It will be the best thing you've done for yourself and any potential future offspring in the past 18mo. Get going and never look back. Use this experience to have learned and grown.

Maxwell09's picture

Leave, you've only wasted a year and some on him so you can still regroup and bounce back. The parenting will never get better because he is raising his son based off of his own upbringing. He's not going to change. You are not worth changing or even pretending to change and in five years when he gets tired of acting like a "good" parent and reverts you will feel a thousand times more stuck than you do now. If you don't like the way he parents his kids then you will hate the way he parents your future children together.

Rags's picture

"He once encouraged the kid to shine a laser pointer in someone's eyes on the highway after they cut us off. I'm about ready to leave my relationship."

Why are you only ready and not long gone by now?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Dysfunction Junction.

Flee this relationship before that boy shoots you all dead in his teens.

bigbird12's picture

I am in this same boat! SS HAS BEHAVIOR problems and goes to a school for problem kids. He's 6! We've been together for 5 yrs now and it only got worse. We wanted children of our own. We are great parents together but dealing with all the drama form the baby momma is too much. She doesn't discipline their kid. So my spouse doesn't want to overly to discipline him while he's here! Now he wakes the baby with screaming fits , doesn't know how to dress himself, kicks and punches my dog

bigbird12's picture

I am in this same boat! SS HAS BEHAVIOR problems and goes to a school for problem kids. He's 6! We've been together for 5 yrs now and it only got worse. We wanted children of our own. We are great parents together but dealing with all the drama form the baby momma is too much. She doesn't discipline their kid. So my spouse doesn't want to overly to discipline him while he's here! Now he wakes the baby with screaming fits , doesn't know how to dress himself, kicks and punches my dog. It's out of control and it's caused the worst strain in my relationship. I wish we'd parted ways 4 yrs ago when baby momma started stalking me! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE , be happy with your own family first before trying to be happy in someone else's.