I'm wondering if maybe he was hurt that you said you weren't sure the dates would work for your kids, so he booked with his kids in response....not nice, but maybe he was hurt and this is how he reacted....

You are already making excuses for him so not sure if you even want to hear others opinion .
Personally , if you prefer to live one hour apart from your new husband , because you do not want to upset your almost adult son , MY ship would sail without you as well .

If your kids are this much older, why can't you leave them alone or send them to their father and go on a trip with your husband and his children?

If your kids are about to get out of the house, they should be responsible and independent enough to survive a week or so without you

Umm - there's a vacation with a new husband and then there is " abandoned by father " .
Surely they are old enough to understand the difference ?

My opinion is going to be very different than the others.

I *envy* you.

1. You've got the guy, but you don't have to live with the SKIDS (awesome!).
2. You don't have to go on vacation with the SKIDS (I HATE vacation with the SKIDs, it's NOT A VACATION)
3. You can take care of your own kids as YOU see fit.

Who cares about this other stuff? You chose not to live with him, so that awards him some freedom.

I think you have a great situation. Take this added time to evaluate whether he'll be a good partner or not and weather you can live with these SKIDS or whether it will be more than you can handle.

This particular thread is about blending families. I posted here, as scheduling vacations with only half of the "kids" does not feel like blending to me.

But, you are not a blended family. :?

If he was planning a surprise trip for justt he two of you then there would be no reason for you to be hurt. Since he is making family vacations plans without his wife.... then absolutly you are right to be hurt and should shut this crap down pronto.

IMHO of course.

Please don’t let anyone tell you that you are not really married or that you are not a blended family. Just because your relationship is different AND will probably work better than most, brings out the inner crap in some people. A lot of people are probably very envious of you so they take it out by saying things like you are not really married/blended ect. At least you are not living with the terrible skids like most on here. You just have to be upset about a vacation...not all the other crap that comes along with actually LIVING with skids. You may want to keep this marriage as it is for several more years.

That being said...I did this with my DH.

But we did not marry. We "dated" for 7-8 years before I would marry/live with him. It worked great for us. I did not have to live with skid, DH did not try to raise my kids, I did not have to deal with BM too much. AND DH and I loved each other very much.

I would not be too upset with him making vacation plans without you. It sounds like he asked, you could not go, so he still wants to take his kids. No biggie in my book.

"He initially consulted me about what I thought about certain dates for a cruise, but when I expressed that I didn't think the dates would work for my kids, he went ahead and made the reservations for him and his, saying we can book another room if they're able to join us."

IMO, whether you should be "hurt" by this depends on whether you conveyed to him in this conversation that it was ok that he book without you when you said the dates wouldn't work. If you told him the dates did not work but he should go ahead and book it anyway, that's one thing. However, if you said the dates didn't work and suggested other dates (indicating you did want your kids and you to come) and he went ahead and booked it anyway, that would make me very angry and make me think he didn't care about vacationing with me, and certainly not with my kids. The fact that he told you after the fact that you could book another room if your kids were able to come sounds to me like it didn't matter to him whether you went or not.

I know you have different living arrangements, but, I can't imagine in a million years my DH going on vacation with the SKs (or even our bios together) without ME unless I ORDERED him to go ahead because I wasn't available and there wasn't going to be another opportunity to make it work. I'm not even sure he would go then. If you have the kind of relationship where you're fine with him going on vacation without you, that's one thing, but it sounds like you don't think that's ok. It also may be you have very different opinions about what's acceptable in your relationship, which means you all need to have a serious talk.

Talk to your husband. Tell him you're hurt and why. Tell him how you wish it had happened, and ask him how he sees vacation time for both of you.

I'm not trying to judge, but I don't see why you didn't just wait to get married until your youngest graduates. If you weren't married (and everything else is the same) you might not be as hurt by him making vacation plans with his kids. I think it's the mentality of being married but living apart that makes this harder.

I may be wrong, but from what you've written, it doesn't sound like you would want to live with him because of the skids anyway. That doesn't bode well. It rarely gets better.

why didn't your kids contact their dad in three years?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OMG! This statement drives me crazy!! My kids were 8 and 13 when their BF stopped coming to pick them up. What were they supposed to do? Try to find him? Did not know where he was living at the time so that was out. Lets see….what else were the children supposed to do? Drive around to find him? Nope too young. Send letters to beg him to be a father?

Lets see…I guess that left it up to me to try and hunt him down and MAKE him see his kids. Fuck that. Besides the fact that I worked my ass off to support them and give them a great life, I would not have wasted my time to force the man to be a dad.

So since her kids dad stopped seeing them, it is their fault? How can you put that responsibility on the kids and not the FATHER?!

Does your husband have a set CO vacation allowance plan with an advanced request procedure he has to follow? Example, lots of COs will give two-three weeks and advance notice of when time desired is due 90-120 prior. My DS puts in summer vacation wants with GS's BM starting in early January. Then BM starts lining up assorted activities for GS around DS's request.

They usually negotiate back and forth fitting in camps, both parents vacation blah blah. It's usually first of February before finalized schedule is settled.

I personally do not understand why you would get married when you are not living together. I get being together, I get being in a committed relationship and I can kinda see being engaged but actually married? Personally I think this day and age people should live together BEFORE they marry.

(Im not sure if thats a cultural thing because it still seems quite common in america to marry before moving in together)

But whatever, your relationship, your choice.

I do agree with others who are saying you dont really count as "blended" since you are maintaining two households, two families and ultimately; two lifestyles.
Its great that you and hubby have since talked about this all again and I think its a good wake up call to you both as to how important vacation time is to you both. If your hubby only has 3 weeks holiday in a year then there needs to be clear communication about how this time is spent.
It is perfectly ok for you to take holidays with YOUR kids and him to take holiday with HIS kids and you two alone together. Or have holidays with all of you, or whatever crazy combinations you come up with but you need to get the talking about it done with so you are both on the same page. (Which will help stop you feeling annoyed/slighted when your hubby makes plans)

I read the OP and only a handful of responses so I'm not sure if this has already been said but...if I were you.

I wouldn't sell my house even after your kids launch, I'd keep it and rent it out so you can try to blend at his house. I think that was part of your plan to move in after yours move on? Anyway, I'd hold on to that house until I was 110% the blended thing works. Being that you're not living there now and getting the day in and out of the kids, you never really know how its going to turn out. I wish we waited and did what you're doing before we moved in together because if we did, I don't think I'd be married now. My SD is a handful to say the least.

I can kinda see how you were upset about him going forward with his vacation plans but honestly, I'd be so happy if my DW and SD went on a trip without me. So you should plan your own trip with your kids. Just don't sweat the small stuff, it seems like you have bigger issues on your plate and the separate vacations isn't one of them.

I know how you feel, I got married last July and my husband took his adult children th Rome at the end of June while my daughter was in her last trimester of pregnancy, of course I couldn't go and you know, I'm still pissed about it. I've never even been to Rome, went to Belize for honeymoon and that place sucked, his kids got my honeymoon