Inappropriate?
When my husband has his 11 yr old daughter at our house, he will crawl into her bed and snuggle for their one on one movie night - which is every night - and shuts the door.
I understand that his time with his daughter is precious, and I make sure to give them the space and time together they both need. But his daughter is a pre teen now, and in my opinion, she's getting to the age where its borderline inappropriate to snuggle in bed. We have a great family room with a couch and tv downstairs - And Ive always given them their privacy there, so I don't know what changed.
While she and I get along just fine, she does have some definite daddy issues - manipulative behavior, following him around, constantly needing his attention, saying "I love you daddy" every 3 minutes, and some occasional hurtful behavior towards me - So I try to spend time with her separately instead of infringing on her time with dad.
I'm not suggesting anything inappropriate going on in there, however, if she were to tell a friend that daddy snuggles in bed with her, I feel like we would have social services knocking at our door.
Before this became a routine, I was very clear to my husband about bedroom boundaries - She was no longer to come in our room without knocking, or hang out in our bed & bedroom whenever she wanted, and I also made it clear that him sleeping in her bed was not okay (unless she's sick or something like that).
It's a sensitive subject to bring up, as I can't tell them how to spend their time together. I also wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I've tried to set some reasonable boundaries...What do you think?
Inappropriate in my eyes.
Inappropriate in my eyes. Movie nights should be on the couch or lying on the family room floor in a pile of pillows and blankets with popcorn/soda pop.
Snuggling on the bed behind closed doors is absolutely a "no-go."
He is shutting out his partner. He is blurring the lines for his preteen daughter's sense of boundaries. He is giving the appearance of impropriety. Someone may think: "if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ..." and you'll have CPS at your doorstep.
Ask him about it. No better
Ask him about it. No better way to find out why it changed than that. I also think it gives the appearance of not being appropriate, especially with the door being shut.
Doesn't make sense to me why you couldn't all watch a movie in a room together, unless SD wants to pretend you don't exist, which would be something your husband needs to work on changing.
Why the door needs to be
Why the door needs to be closed? Have you gone in there unannounced and asked if they want a drink or what ever? Have you asked to join them seeing the movie might interest you too?
I would hate being excluded on a regular basis and if his explainations aren't believable, I would instantly be suspecting that he is grooming her for sex. Just come out and say it because if he is innocent ( which he will say of course), he needs to be told how innappripriate his actions are not only to his daughter but to you ( by excluding you) to his own wife.
He is either dumb and clueless or he is cunning and devious.